Fight Wiser, Not Harder

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- In a pinch diesel works just as well as unleaded.

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[buzzer] Whoa, Whoa. Cut. What? No, man.

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- Hey, welcome to Crossroads.

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I'm Sean, and my whole job here is

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to help you build community wherever you are.

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And shout out to all my friends in Batesville.

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Hope you guys are doing awesome.

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Anyway, happy 4th of July, well, at least almost.

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And safe travels if you're traveling anywhere this summer.

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And when you travel, did you know

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you can take your church with you?

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Download the Crossroads app to watch the weekend message,

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spend time with God daily and connect with other people.

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Now, today on Crossroads, we're talking about wisdom.

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Not the kind of wisdom that TikTok offers,

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but real, lasting, godly wisdom.

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What is it? How do we get it?

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What makes godly wisdom different from worldly wisdom?

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Now Hannah is going to talk about wisdom in conflict,

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but before that, we're going to have some songs.

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And this is just a way to put our attention towards God

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and tell Him we want more of Him and His wisdom in our lives.

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So turn up the volume, go full screen and let's get started.

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- One of the marks of a Christ follower

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is being able to remember all that He's done

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and all He's been to us in our lives.

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You know, we're in this wisdom series and last week

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we got to talk about suffering and what that looks like.

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And our friend, if you were here, our friend,

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our buddy Matt Chandler, he reminded us that

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suffering is normal and Jesus is good all at the same time.

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It's true. He is.

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And I love that he said that.

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I want to read this scripture for you

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from one of Jesus's close friends in Peter.

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He said this in 1 Peter 5:10.

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The God of all Grace,

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who called you to His eternal glory in Christ

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will Himself restore, establish, strengthen

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and support you, after you have suffered a little while,

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to Him be dominion forever. Amen.

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I really want us to focus in on those four words:

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He will restore, he'll establish,

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strengthen and support,

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even in the suffering.

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This song that we're getting ready to sing

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is a reminder of the good news that the Lord,

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He'll take anything that's been stolen and lost.

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He'll take it back, He'll, restore,

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He'll bring newness to things we didn't know

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could be new again. Why?

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Because he's good. Because He's God.

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Because He's sovereign. Because He sees all.

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That's a God worth trusting.

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That's the God we're going to continue singing to right now.

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- One more time together.

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You're pulling us closer right now,

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right here in this moment.

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With our arms stretched out and our loud voices,

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we cry out to you because we're realizing that

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there's nothing more in this world that we need than you.

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There's nothing that could satisfy us more than you.

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That's why I love worship, because it's such a reminder

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to me that all the noise of the world is just that, it's noise.

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It's noise and you use things for your good.

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But God, if we can keep our eyes stayed on you,

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if we can keep our hearts focused,

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focused on the one who supplies all of our needs.

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God, we see that there's everything in your presence

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and in your name.

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There's nothing for us to want for.

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There's nothing else in this life

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that can make us more worthy

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or make us more accomplished.

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God it's you. It's your presence.

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It's your presence that comes and floods our life

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and gives us meaning, gives us meaning.

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So, God, we say thank you this morning.

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Thank you for your presence.

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Let it guide us, let it guide us,

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let it lead us, let it push us.

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Because you're faithful and you're good.

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We all say, Aman. God is good.

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You can clap if you believe that.

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If you're not super bought in if he's good or not,

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that's okay. You're in the right place.

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You know what we just sang?

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We sang some powerful words there:

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I need you more than the air that I breathe.

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Like, that's a strong lyric.

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But if I can be real for just one second,

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sometimes I struggle to realize

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that I need God more than money.

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Is that anybody else in the room?

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Is it just me?

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It's cool. It can just be me.

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Sometimes I just forget that,

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God, I need you more than these things,

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than this resource of money, than this green paper.

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Because you know what?

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I think I got it all figured out sometimes.

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Like, if I put it over here in this section

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and I spend a little money on this, like,

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okay, I can map it out and I'm good.

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But truth be told, He's the source.

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And when He's the source,

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He'll guide where it needs to go

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and where it'll be most fruitful.

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We're reading a lot of scripture today.

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Hebrews 13:5 says this about money.

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Don't love money, be satisfied with what you have

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for God has said, "I will never fail you.

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I will never abandon you."

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And I know this scripture to be true, because

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the more I've leaned into God with my finances,

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the more He's shown himself to me,

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whether that's been in Him blessing me abundantly

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or just Him showing me His presence.

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It's been a beautiful thing.

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And so if you'd like to do that today,

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if you're already in a rhythm of that,

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you can go to Crossroads.net/give.

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You can begin a journey today if you want.

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If you're new, hey, there is no pressure.

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But I do want you to know that there is life

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on the other end of handing the Lord our resources

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because He's the source.

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There's life at the end of that.

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Hey, before you grab a seat, why don't you

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turn to somebody next to you?

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Tell them it's good to see you.

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Tell them good morning. You can have a seat.

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-Crossroads is a church with people

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all over the country and the world.

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We have people watching today in every continent,

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except for probably Antarctica.

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Although if you are in Antarctica, please let us know.

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I mean, I'd love to come visit you.

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Like, seriously, I'll come down there.

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Joking aside, this church has led me to more

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deep and meaningful relationship with God,

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Now, I don't know about you, but one of the places

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where I tend to have the least amount of wisdom

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is in a conflict.

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Coming up, Hannah is going to give us

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some practical tools to tap into

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God's wisdom in tough situations.

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- We all want a life that works.

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We buy books, we listen to podcasts,

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and we follow gurus who promise the secret to what we crave:

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A life full of meaning, connection, fun, and adventure.

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We look to those who have done well before us

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and we ask ourselves: how can I get some of that?

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We seek knowledge and understanding,

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but we need something deeper.

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We need wisdom.

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The Bible gives us a path to wisdom

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laid out in three Old Testament books,

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often called the Wisdom Literature.

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Proverbs, Ecclesiastes and Job are the roadmap

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to understanding where godly wisdom comes from

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and what God has to say about how to live our lives well.

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- Good morning, Crossroads Church.

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Yeah. We make noise, not because I look nice,

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even though I do.

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We make noise because it's good to be alive today.

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It's good to be here in the land of the living.

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And I am so excited to be with you all.

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So excited to be with you wherever

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you are watching this from, experiencing this from.

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It's such a blessing to be on this stage.

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If you've been around at Crossroads for not a long time,

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then you've never seen me before.

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And so, hey, welcome.

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I'm so glad you're here.

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And if you have been at Crossroads,

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I don't know, longer than maybe a year,

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then you know that I was on this stage

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right around this time last year.

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And now that I'm a full year older,

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I get to talk about wisdom.

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Isn't that awesome?

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Not just any wisdom.

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I get to talk about it on an area that,

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unfortunately I know all too well,

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and that is wisdom in conflict.

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Conflict has been around since the very beginning of time,

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since the beginning of history,

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since the beginning of biblical history.

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However you want to look at that, it's just been present.

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And I bet you know a thing or two about conflict as well.

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See, recently it doesn't even have to --

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We don't even have to be looking for conflict.

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Sometimes it just finds us.

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Recently I was down in Alabama.

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I was on a scout for Go Alabama.

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And if you've never been to Go Alabama,

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you should totally go to Alabama.

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And it is one of our top trips, and it's fantastic.

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And so I was down there, I was scouting with a group.

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I was trying to -- we're just trying to figure out

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what are the right things, what are the right experiences,

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what are the right moments that needs to happen in this trip?

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And so just in good faith, you guys, of course,

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we were trying to discern that,

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we were thinking really hard about it.

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And so we stopped in a cupcake shop.

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Yeah, that's what the trip needed.

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And I gave you these little --

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I showed these cupcakes here because they show the size.

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We stop at this place that quite literally

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is one of my favorite places on earth.

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And it is one of the most just indulgent places

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that I can think of.

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It's a spot called JoZettie's.

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And JoZettie's has some cupcakes that look like this.

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And maybe you notice that it's not all chocolate and vanilla.

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See, JoZettie's is special.

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They doing stuff that we're not doing

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out here in Cincinnati or wherever you're at.

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They ain't doing it unless you're in Alabama.

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JoZettie's got these cupcakes, and she has mastered

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how to get these different flavors.

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Some of my favorites include Sweet Potato Pie.

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Mm-hmm. Yep. You know you want that.

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She has figured out how to put a pie in a cupcake

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and a cupcake not be soggy.

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I really don't know how she did that.

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And then she's got pecan pie. My God. My God.

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And if it's your first time here, I'm saying,

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My God, that just means it's good to me.

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And then she's got banana pudding, y'all.

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Oh, my God. Yeah. Come on.

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She's just -- She knows what --

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She knows what she's doing.

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And it's this little hole in the wall.

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And the thing about JoZettie's is it is so fantastic.

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It's totally worth your money.

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But you got to be ready when you walk into JoZettie's

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because you know that you're going to

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go through a fight to get those cupcakes.

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It's just not an easy time,

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not in the fight that you're thinking of. Let me explain why.

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See, when you walk into JoZettie's,

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it's a young woman there.

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Always young, not always the same woman,

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but always the same attitude.

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This has to be.

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Yeah. So I was like -- she on FaceTime.

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Yeah. So that was crazy. Yeah, I heard you. Hello?

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And you just be looking around like, "Oh, my God,

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did I offend you? I'm so sorry.

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Like, maybe I should come back at a better time

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that works for both of us."

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And you're so mad because you want her to understand,

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just like one basic customer service,

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like, you know, hello. That's kind.

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And so this particular time, I'm at JoZettie's,

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I'm with my buddy Grant.

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Now I love Grant. He's a fantastic dude.

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Truly all around one of my top tier dudes.

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And Grant is a white guy. He is.

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And that's important because we ain't that no white guy place.

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We not. [laughter]

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JoZettie's is not in a white guy spot. It's just not.

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And we send Grant in there like, "Grant, go get the cupcakes."

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I don't tell him nothing.

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I don't tell Grant nothing.

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I say nothing and he walks in.

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He's so sweet. Grant, is he like, get the cupcakes.

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So at the end of the situation,

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he's standing there with these cupcakes.

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A big old box, we bought way too many, you know, for the scout.

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And he's just standing there

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and the girl is like, "What do you want?"

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He was like, "Oh, I didn't pay yet. I'm sorry."

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And he was I was like, "Do you want him to pay or not?"

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And he was so mad at us because we sent him to the wolves.

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But here's the thing, Grant wasn't looking for conflict.

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Conflict found him.

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And that's how it is in some of our lives.

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We aren't always even trying to have conflict.

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We're not looking for a fight.

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But sometimes that thing finds us because

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it's a universal language that we all seem to understand.

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It's the journey that we're all on.

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Some of us had conflict before we walked in this room,

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before we walked in whatever room we're in.

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Some of us had conflict because our kids

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thought it was a school day

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and came right on in there at 6:00, like, what's up?

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They didn't realize that it's time to sleep in.

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Some of us had conflict with our partner,

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our spouse on the way in.

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Some of us, like me, walked outside and had a flat tire.

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What's up with that?

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See, conflict, we're not always looking for it,

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it's looking for us.

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And so what do we do? How do we respond?

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Well, the reality is we need wisdom in conflict.

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We need a better way.

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Our senior pastor, Brian Tome, always says

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when there's a question in church, the answer is Jesus.

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Okay, wow, y'all been coming to church.

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That's amazing.

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Well, he's right. Today the answer,

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we're going to find it, not out there.

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We're going to find it in the Word of God.

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In Proverbs 3:6-7 it says this:

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In all your ways acknowledge Him

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and He will make your paths straight.

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Be not wise in your own eyes;

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fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.

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This scripture points to a truth, the reality is

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we all are going to need God's wisdom to figure this out.

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We're all going to need to figure out

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how to acknowledge Him so that we can not only

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not have conflict, because conflict is looking for us,

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but how we can deal with it in a better way.

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And see people all around the world are dealing with conflict.

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And all around the world people are trying

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to tell us how to deal with conflict.

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In fact, there's plenty of tools to help with that.

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To demonstrate, though, the reality is that

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the world has tons of knowledge

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and tons of understanding even.

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I'll explain that in a minute.

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But the reality is it can't always give us wisdom.

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To demonstrate that I'm going to prove it to you.

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There's a popular thing in the world right now called AI,

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might have heard of it.

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And if you don't, haven't heard of it,

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then maybe you've heard of this AI tool called ChatGPT.

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Now, ChatGPT is just basically Siri and Alexa,

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like, on steroids with words. It's fantastic.

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And it's this tool that people are using

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to really make their lives a little bit better.

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In fact, AI just gave its very first sermon over in Germany.

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I don't know if it was good or bad, but I thought,

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"Hey, what the heck? Let's see if ChatGPT can preach today."

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So we're going to demonstrate a little point here today

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by using ChatGPT live right in this moment.

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So for that to happen, I'm going to need some help.

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I'm going to need a little audience participation.

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I know sometimes that we sit wherever we're sitting

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and we're like, "Oh, it's just for me to receive and listen?

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Hu-uh. Today we are talking back

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and so I need a little bit of help.

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Can somebody give me, and if you're at home

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or at a different site, you can shout this out.

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I just can't respond. No big deal.

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Shout out just a area of conflict that you have.

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Now, if it's your partner, y'all might

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want to mumble it because you got to go home. Okay?

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But if it's something, just shout it out.

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I need to hear it. I need to put that in.

00:32:40

- [indiscernible] - What was that? Teenagers.

00:32:45

Teenagers. That's a good one. Okay.

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ChatGPT, give me six ways

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I can better connect with my teenager.

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Six Ways to Better Connect with My Teenager.

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And so then ChatGPT does this thing.

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I told ya'll it was like, Alexa on steroids.

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It's amazing. And doo doo doo doo doo doo doo.

00:33:08

Okay, so it's saying communicate openly.

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Oh, so cute. [laughter]

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Show interest in their world. Parents, hello, Tik tok.

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Spend quality time together. Aww.

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Respect -- Oh, wow. This one's hard.

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Respect independence and boundaries.

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Y'all don't got to do that one.

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I'm not trying to get nobody in trouble here.

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Here's the thing, ChatGPT just generated that

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in a matter of seconds,

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and it's got some really good nuggets in there.

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So let's go ahead and give it up for ChatGPT preaching today.

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Thank you. Thank you for the friends up there

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figuring that out to do that.

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See, it holds a whole bunch of knowledge.

00:33:46

A whole bunch of knowledge.

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And so much, the reason that people are obsessed

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with AI is because it doesn't just hold knowledge,

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it has the ability to connect the dots of knowing things.

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And that's called understanding.

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So it doesn't just have knowledge, it has understanding,

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which is why we are so amazed by it.

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But does it have wisdom?

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Can it give me the ability to know

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when to use any one of those mechanisms?

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Because I'll tell you right now,

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there were some times where I didn't need boundaries

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to be respected as a teenager.

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They needed to be encroached upon. Hello.

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Telling on myself. Telling on myself.

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See, Godly wisdom, biblical wisdom is allowing God

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and inviting Him into the areas of our conflict

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so that He can tell us how to operate when.

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Let's look at our Scripture just one more time,

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Proverbs 3:6-7: In all your ways acknowledge Him,

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and He will make your path straight.

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Be not wise in your own eyes;

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fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.

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If we're going to operate in this wisdom thing,

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it's going to require a major shift.

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And that shift is realizing that to acknowledge God,

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it means that our understanding, our ways,

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our desires, our heart of doing things is under His.

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It means that we're saying, "You know what?

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I think it's better that You be over it."

00:35:16

In fact, in the same book of Proverbs, it says

00:35:19

at the very beginning of wisdom is the fear of God.

00:35:22

And it says it right there in that scripture.

00:35:24

Some people really struggle with this idea of fearing God.

00:35:27

And I understand, so hear me out in my definition.

00:35:30

Fearing God is really being in full reverence of Him,

00:35:33

being in full awe that He is God,

00:35:37

full awe of how amazing He is.

00:35:40

And see, here's what's so fascinating

00:35:41

about when you acknowledge Him,

00:35:43

we aren't just acknowledging some deity.

00:35:45

We're acknowledging someone who knows us and loves us.

00:35:50

And so then He's not ever going to tell us

00:35:53

or ask us or instruct us to do something

00:35:56

that will intentionally harm us.

00:35:59

And so that's pretty important because

00:36:01

when we look at Proverbs, a lot of the times,

00:36:02

we read it with, like, this idea that

00:36:06

everything in there must be exactly to a tee.

00:36:08

See if y'all go down the little TJ Maxx

00:36:11

and HomeGoods aisle right now, you are going to find

00:36:13

little proverbs signs everywhere for your bathroom.

00:36:16

They just everywhere, because the reality is

00:36:19

people love proverbs.

00:36:21

But got a little wake up call for us today.

00:36:23

Proverbs is a book of probabilities, not promises.

00:36:28

It's a book full of great nuggets and phrases

00:36:31

and things that if we use in our lives 100%, they'll be better.

00:36:35

But it is a probability, not a promise.

00:36:40

I'm going to prove it to you.

00:36:41

One of the best and most favorite

00:36:43

and most quoted scriptures literally of all time is:

00:36:47

train up a child in the way that he or she should go,

00:36:49

and when he or she is old, he or she will not depart from it.

00:36:52

Now, I don't got no kids, but I got seven siblings

00:36:55

and we were all in the same house.

00:36:56

And I'm going to tell y'all right now

00:36:58

that all eight of us are not, some of us departing.

00:37:00

We departing. We doing whatever we want to do.

00:37:03

And maybe you have kids and they were raised

00:37:05

in the same house, under the same roof,

00:37:07

and you just can't understand why he or she are departing.

00:37:11

And if you don't have kids, you want to have kids,

00:37:13

got a kid on the way, thinking about getting a dog.

00:37:16

I'm telling you, it's going to depart.

00:37:19

See, it's not a promise, but it is a probability.

00:37:24

See, because the wisdom that God gives us

00:37:27

has absolutely nothing to do with the outcome

00:37:30

and everything to do with how we respond.

00:37:33

We are not in control of people's actions or reactions.

00:37:38

When God looks at us and sees what we do,

00:37:40

He is going to honor us for how we use wisdom

00:37:42

regardless of how someone else responds to it.

00:37:46

And what's so beautiful about that is because

00:37:48

it gives us a window into God's heart.

00:37:51

If Proverbs was a book full of promises,

00:37:53

that would mean you could make a bunch of if then statements

00:37:55

which religion has been doing for years.

00:37:58

Religion has been saying:

00:37:59

If I do this, then I should get this.

00:38:01

But God has invited us into free will.

00:38:04

And that free will gives us a window

00:38:06

and an invitation into a deeper relationship with Him.

00:38:10

And that's what this is all about.

00:38:12

His wisdom is inviting us into a deeper relationship,

00:38:16

not the opportunity to do everything to the dot

00:38:18

or to the tittle, which is just like the cross on a tee,

00:38:21

for those who thought I said something else. Okay.?

00:38:23

All right. Just want to correct that

00:38:25

for all you YouTubers out there.

00:38:28

He's inviting us into relationship.

00:38:32

One of the best ways I've ever heard it said

00:38:35

was by a scholar by the name of Dr. Sarita Lyons.

00:38:38

I respect her for many reasons, but she's a follower of Jesus.

00:38:41

And this woman got her JD and her PhD at the exact same time.

00:38:45

And so she knows a whole lot about knowledge,

00:38:47

knows a whole lot about understanding.

00:38:49

And it turned out she knows a whole lot about wisdom.

00:38:51

Here's what she said:

00:38:53

Wisdom provides us with the skills that we need

00:38:56

to live life successfully on God's terms

00:39:00

and it is the application of God's truth to our hearts.

00:39:04

See, wisdom is a skill.

00:39:07

It's something that we're trying to do,

00:39:08

not just so we can be like, "Look at me, I'm so wise,"

00:39:11

but so that we can have a successful life,

00:39:14

so that we can live successfully on God's terms.

00:39:18

And Proverbs does actually offer us a little bit

00:39:22

of window into how to deal with conflict.

00:39:24

In Proverbs 15:1 it says:

00:39:27

A soft answer turns away wrath,

00:39:29

but a harsh word stirs up anger.

00:39:33

Proverbs 15:18 says:

00:39:35

A wrathful man stirs up strife,

00:39:37

but he or she who is slow to anger alleviates contention.

00:39:43

So does that mean that that's

00:39:45

the only improper way to handle conflict

00:39:47

and we better always just do exactly those two things?

00:39:50

Well, unfortunately, I think --

00:39:53

I don't know that that's right.

00:39:55

I don't know that that always works.

00:39:57

See, recently I was on a flight.

00:40:00

Well, I was supposed to be on a flight

00:40:01

that got canceled out of Delta.

00:40:03

So any Delta agents, please see me after service. Praise God.

00:40:07

And this flight gets canceled out of Dallas,

00:40:10

which just is a wild airport if you've never been there.

00:40:12

And my flight, they're like, "You know what, Hannah?

00:40:15

We can actually get you out of DFW in two days from now."

00:40:18

I was like, "Well, that's crazy because

00:40:20

my flight is full right now,

00:40:21

so that's crazy. I'm not doing that."

00:40:23

And so I said, "You know what?

00:40:25

It'll probably just be better."

00:40:26

I believe I had to get back here for work.

00:40:28

I said, "It'll probably just be better if I rent a car

00:40:31

and drive to Austin and get a flight out of Austin,

00:40:35

because that way I can get home sooner."

00:40:37

And guess what?

00:40:38

Everyone else also had that exact same bright idea.

00:40:41

Everybody.

00:40:42

And so I'm with my friend,

00:40:44

my best friend Alex here in this picture,

00:40:46

and we're exhausted.

00:40:47

It's about two in the morning.

00:40:49

We're standing in a line that's about,

00:40:51

I'm not joking, 300 people long.

00:40:53

And so you go down to the little rental agency

00:40:56

and there's 19 beautifully lit booths

00:40:58

with wonderful marketing.

00:41:00

And every last one of them is closed,

00:41:01

and only one place has cars.

00:41:04

One place has cars.

00:41:05

So here we are in the line of 300.

00:41:08

And so I tell Alex, like "Alex, you stay in line.

00:41:11

I'm just going to go see if there's going to be

00:41:13

some cars left

00:41:14

when the 200 people get out of the front of us."

00:41:16

And so I pop up to the front, I'm like,

00:41:18

"Hey, Todd, how's it going?

00:41:20

I imagine, like, you had a rough night, brother.

00:41:22

Oh, my goodness. I'm just wondering,

00:41:26

are there going to be any cars left

00:41:28

when all these people go --"

00:41:29

"Go to the back of the line?

00:41:30

I am not at all about to deal with anybody who cuts the line."

00:41:33

I was like, [grunts] "Oh.

00:41:38

A soft answer turns away wrath. A soft answer turns away wrath."

00:41:41

And so I'm listening, I'm like,

00:41:43

"Bro, I just gave you a soft answer.

00:41:45

Why is the wrath not turning away?"

00:41:48

See that scripture is a probability.

00:41:53

But let me tell you what did happen.

00:41:54

I had a choice in that moment how I was going to react.

00:41:57

I could have met him where he was at

00:41:59

like everyone else was doing,

00:42:01

or I could just not take it personal and walk away,

00:42:04

stay in line, figure it out.

00:42:06

Well, that night, the reason that we're smiling

00:42:08

in those pictures is because we ended up with a car

00:42:11

and we drove all the way through to get to Austin.

00:42:15

And what's so great about that story

00:42:17

is not that I used wisdom and got the outcome that I wanted.

00:42:20

That's not what mattered.

00:42:21

What mattered is how I reacted.

00:42:25

And see conflict is coming at us,

00:42:27

fights are coming at us, issues are coming at us.

00:42:30

Stuff we have to deal with is coming at us

00:42:33

and we all have a choice in how we're going to respond.

00:42:37

Now, I think that the majority of us fall into two buckets.

00:42:42

There's these two buckets when we are dealing with conflict.

00:42:45

And every last one of us have one

00:42:48

and have a default that we are going to go to

00:42:50

when we think that something is wrong.

00:42:53

It's the one that we don't even have to think about.

00:42:55

And the very first one of that bucket is to buck up.

00:42:59

That's the folks that when we see conflict,

00:43:02

we're like, "Yeah, come at me, bro.

00:43:04

Who you think you're talking to?"

00:43:06

Our mechanism is we're just going to get bigger

00:43:08

than the conflict, we're going to overshadow it.

00:43:11

We see it coming

00:43:12

and we're standing there like a solid brick,

00:43:14

like I wish you would.

00:43:17

We're singing Warning, you know, by Notorious B.I.G.

00:43:21

We're singing Bad Blood by Taylor Swift.

00:43:24

We're like These Boots Were Made for Walking.

00:43:27

Come on, Come at me. We're bucking up.

00:43:31

And then there are other of us who don't fall in that camp.

00:43:36

We fall in the back up camp.

00:43:39

We see conflict and we're like, "Nope," we back up.

00:43:44

We will sweep under the rug until it cannot be swept.

00:43:48

We will change the subject

00:43:50

until the subject just cannot be changed anymore.

00:43:53

We will not talk to that person,

00:43:55

swerve like never before,

00:43:57

just so we don't have to deal with conflict.

00:43:59

And those of us that are doing that,

00:44:01

we're saying Imagine by John Lennon. We are.

00:44:05

Those of us that are backing up are like,

00:44:07

"Why can't we be friends?"

00:44:11

We are trying our best to get away from that conflict

00:44:15

and for it to get away from us.

00:44:17

And we all are going to fall into a bucket.

00:44:20

We all have a default.

00:44:21

We all when that conflict comes at us,

00:44:23

we don't even have to think about it.

00:44:25

We either buck up or we back up.

00:44:27

Now, depending on the situation,

00:44:29

I've got to tell you, I do both.

00:44:31

See at work, I tend to back up.

00:44:35

I know that might be, I don't know if that's shocking,

00:44:37

but I tend to back up because work is church,

00:44:39

and church is work,

00:44:41

and church are friends, and friends is work.

00:44:43

And so kind of when you get into a conflict at one of them,

00:44:45

now all of a sudden

00:44:46

there's this down line and everything's affected.

00:44:48

And so when I see work conflict, I'm like,

00:44:51

"I'm gonna just back up. I'm good. No, thank you."

00:44:54

But at home I be doing something else.

00:44:59

It's called buck up.

00:45:01

And I know you guys like, "What?

00:45:02

Hannah, you're so sweet." Thank you.

00:45:05

But at home, at home, I buck up.

00:45:09

There's this one particular time I was about to work out.

00:45:14

Got a little treadmill in my house, you know,

00:45:16

and I'm looking for my speaker.

00:45:17

I got this very specific workout speaker,

00:45:20

and I'm trying to amp myself up.

00:45:21

I don't want to do it. I'm sluggish.

00:45:23

And I'm looking for this speaker

00:45:25

and so I can't find the speaker.

00:45:27

It's not in the spot where it normally is.

00:45:29

And I got a husband. He's fantastic.

00:45:31

He's pretty dope, pretty hot also.

00:45:33

And he has a tendency to to not care

00:45:39

where where stuff be going.

00:45:40

And so I'm looking for the speaker and I'm like,

00:45:43

"Wow, that's crazy. I'm the only other person in this house

00:45:46

and I know it wasn't me. That's crazy.

00:45:54

I know it wasn't me."

00:45:56

So in this moment, y'all, I got a choice, right?

00:45:59

I'm already, like, in the workout clothes.

00:46:01

I'm in the zone. I've pumped myself up,

00:46:03

and I can't find my speaker.

00:46:04

And I go and find him and I'm like, "I can't --"

00:46:08

I buck up. "I can't believe, where is the speaker?"

00:46:11

You know, black folks, we be doing this.

00:46:13

"Where is the speaker? Are you serious right now?

00:46:17

Like I always put stuff back. You never do anything right."

00:46:22

You know, I'm going off. I'm going off, y'all.

00:46:26

And I know, maybe I'm just the only one.

00:46:28

I know I'm the only one, but I'm going off.

00:46:31

And Dave's a patient man. He's patient.

00:46:34

And he don't say nothing.

00:46:40

That makes me so angry.

00:46:45

I am unwell.

00:46:49

And he does this because he's wise, wiser than me at least.

00:46:53

And so he doesn't say anything.

00:46:56

And so I go to the back room and I'm like still huffing

00:46:59

and puffing and I'm mumbling under my breath, "I hate you."

00:47:04

Whoa. Whoa is right, over a speaker.

00:47:10

And because he's got bionic ears, he heard me.

00:47:19

And as you might imagine, it hurt.

00:47:23

And then it hurt us, and then we was not good.

00:47:31

That small little moment where I had a choice

00:47:34

in how I reacted, I didn't operate in wisdom.

00:47:38

I went to my default.

00:47:41

And see don't tell that story because

00:47:43

I'm trying to praise all the people who back up

00:47:45

and shame all the people who buck up. Absolutely not.

00:47:47

What I'm saying is, if we are turning to a default

00:47:50

100% of the time, then we're missing something.

00:47:54

In fact, you can even use the scriptures

00:47:58

to back up your default.

00:47:59

In Joshua 1:9, it says: Have I not commanded you

00:48:04

to be strong and courageous --

00:48:06

And wait? Is that the right scripture?

00:48:08

That's the right scripture. I know that one by heart.

00:48:10

Have I not commanded you?

00:48:12

Be strong and of good courage; don't be afraid.

00:48:15

All the buck up people see that and they're,

00:48:17

like, Yes, I'm coming at it.

00:48:20

And it has another scripture, Exodus 14:14. And it says:

00:48:25

The Lord will fight for you.

00:48:28

He will. All you got to do is hold your peace.

00:48:31

And all the backup people go, "Yes."

00:48:35

See, the reality is if we're 100%

00:48:38

turning to any of those ways

00:48:41

am I saying the Bible is wrong? No.

00:48:43

Am I saying the Bible is contradicting itself?

00:48:45

Absolutely not.

00:48:47

The Bible is actually keying us in into this reality

00:48:50

that is a through line through the whole Bible,

00:48:52

and that is that there's a third way.

00:48:56

See if we use any of those scriptures as our 100% default,

00:48:59

we're really just bending the Bible

00:49:01

to say what we want it to say and fit our best interests.

00:49:05

You don't get to have one and not the other.

00:49:07

I'll prove it to you with another scripture.

00:49:09

Romans 14:19 says:

00:49:11

Therefore let us pursue the things that make for peace

00:49:16

and the things by which one may edify another.

00:49:21

See neither of those defaults make peace.

00:49:24

If you're using either one of them 100% of the time,

00:49:27

you're going to fall short like me in that story with David.

00:49:31

Or even when I had that moment with the car rental guy.

00:49:36

See, I responded right in that moment and it didn't work.

00:49:38

I responded wrong in another moment.

00:49:40

So what on earth do we do?

00:49:41

Well, the Bible proposes a third way

00:49:44

and that way is to bow down.

00:49:47

I don't mean to the person we're in conflict with,

00:49:49

like, we should just roll over

00:49:51

and let them talk to us any kind of way.

00:49:53

No, that's not what I mean.

00:49:54

I don't even mean turn the other cheek,

00:49:56

if you know that Christian scripture,

00:49:59

if you know that Scripture, which means like

00:50:00

to back up, maybe be a little docile.

00:50:02

Sometimes people interpret it that way.

00:50:04

That's not what I mean.

00:50:06

When I say bow down, I mean bowing down to God,

00:50:10

His ways over yours, His thoughts over yours,

00:50:14

His tendencies over yours, His wants over yours,

00:50:17

His ideas over yours and mine.

00:50:21

We bow down to what He might say.

00:50:24

And see what's so amazing about that is

00:50:26

it's just an invitation.

00:50:28

Bowing down is an invitation to invite God into

00:50:32

the very thing that we might not ever want Him to look at.

00:50:37

With David I had one of my roughest moments.

00:50:40

I'm not proud of that.

00:50:43

Had I invited God in, had I simply said,

00:50:46

"Help me to deal with this,"

00:50:48

we might have been in a different place.

00:50:51

See, we can get so locked up, "Well, that's just the way I am.

00:50:55

I've always been like this. My mama was like that.

00:50:59

My daddy never -- He never modeled for me the right way."

00:51:03

I get that. That's real.

00:51:05

And so we all are having our own default setting.

00:51:09

But my invitation and challenge to you today

00:51:12

is to turn that needle, to make your default

00:51:15

to be to bow down to God.

00:51:17

And that's easier said than done.

00:51:20

I'm not saying that in a way that's just like,

00:51:22

"Okay, you know, if you walk out of here

00:51:24

and just like literally bow down,

00:51:26

everything's going to be right."

00:51:28

No, I'm not going to leave you like that.

00:51:29

There's some practicals, because the reality is

00:51:33

there's not just one way to attack conflict.

00:51:36

Biblical wisdom is understanding

00:51:39

that God will tell us what to use when.

00:51:42

Sometimes we do need to buck up.

00:51:44

Sometimes we do need to bow down.

00:51:46

Sometimes we need -- We do need to back up.

00:51:48

Sometimes we need to do

00:51:49

something entirely different all together.

00:51:52

But the way forward is bowing down.

00:51:55

And so if your default is not that

00:51:57

and you want some help, here's some help.

00:52:00

There's a couple practicals that we can do.

00:52:02

Just like in that scripture, Proverbs 3,

00:52:05

it says to acknowledge him.

00:52:07

Sometimes one of the best ways to better handle conflict

00:52:11

is to simply ask God. Simply ask Him.

00:52:17

And that might feel really scary because

00:52:19

maybe you're in some conflict that you don't know

00:52:21

how you're going to get out of or don't know

00:52:23

if God would be very proud of you being in in the first place.

00:52:27

But His invitation is not so that you can just be ashamed.

00:52:30

His invitation is because He wants to get us

00:52:32

to the life that thrives, the life that's more full,

00:52:35

the life that's better.

00:52:37

He wants to get us to a new and better place.

00:52:40

And so sometimes we just have to simply ask.

00:52:45

See the world itself in all its worldly wisdom,

00:52:50

we saw what ChatGPT, it has some good stuff to say

00:52:53

that might even be applicable.

00:52:55

The world itself will tell us to pause. Right?

00:52:57

Even little Daniel Tiger knows when you feel upset.

00:53:02

What's the song? And you want to roar.

00:53:04

I freaking hate Daniel Tiger. I really do.

00:53:07

But even he tells us to take a deep breath and count to four.

00:53:11

He gets it. He's trying to give us this window

00:53:14

that we need to take a breath and pause.

00:53:18

And that practical of the world is really good,

00:53:20

but they stole it, right?

00:53:21

Because what I'm saying is we need to not just pause,

00:53:24

but pray. We just have to ask.

00:53:29

Case in point, I was on my way to a restaurant.

00:53:31

I was about to meet with this friend

00:53:33

that I kind of felt like was ghosting me

00:53:35

and kind of just like using me a little bit.

00:53:37

And I was prepared. I had prepared for the conflict.

00:53:39

I was like, "I'm just going to go in.

00:53:41

I'm just going to tell her, like,

00:53:42

'You can't treat me like this. Like I know my worth.

00:53:45

I know who I am.'" I was ready.

00:53:48

And instead, though, I was on my way to the restaurant

00:53:50

and I kind of prayed. I was like, "God,

00:53:53

this conversation is making me nervous.

00:53:54

I have a plan, but I'm just nervous about it.

00:53:56

Would you please help me?" That's all I said.

00:54:00

And I kind of sensed --

00:54:02

Now, some people have heard the audible voice of God.

00:54:05

I have not.

00:54:06

And I just sensed that I should

00:54:08

walk in that conversation and listen.

00:54:11

That's what I should do. And so that's what I did.

00:54:13

I chose to bow in that moment

00:54:15

to whatever I felt like God was saying to me. And I bowed.

00:54:17

And it turns out that that young woman was really

00:54:20

just dealing with quite a bit of stress

00:54:21

and identity struggles, and she didn't really know who she was

00:54:24

and she was pushing everybody away.

00:54:28

See, had I walked in that conversation all bucked up,

00:54:31

ready to go, I would have severed that relationship

00:54:33

in a time where maybe she needed it the most.

00:54:37

And so sometimes we just have to simply ask, pause and ask.

00:54:44

Now, the second way is practical as well.

00:54:47

And I know that we're supposed to pray all the time.

00:54:49

And if you're new here and still figuring out what you think

00:54:52

about God, one of the things Christians do is pray.

00:54:54

So people are like,

00:54:55

"Yeah, we should totally pray all the time."

00:54:57

But I got to tell you, when I'm in the Wendy's line

00:54:59

trying to get my four for $4 and ol girl is coming at me,

00:55:01

I do not say, "God, would you come into this conflict?"

00:55:04

I don't. So what should we do? What should we do?

00:55:08

The second way is to know God's heart,

00:55:13

to know what does He think about this?

00:55:15

How would He respond?

00:55:17

How might He look at this situation and address it?

00:55:20

How might He assess this situation?

00:55:22

Should we wait? Should there be time?

00:55:24

Should there be a reconciliation or should we walk away?

00:55:26

We don't know. It's asking what He thinks

00:55:30

and knowing that through His Word is how you know His heart.

00:55:35

The Bible gives us a window into God's character

00:55:38

to who He is, what He thinks, what He cares about.

00:55:42

And so in that moment, that Wendy's example,

00:55:44

one of the ways that I could just simply acknowledge

00:55:47

what God might do is recognize that the kid

00:55:49

handed me my four for $4 meal simply

00:55:52

is made in the image of God,

00:55:54

and that's enough to treat him or her with dignity.

00:55:57

That's enough.

00:55:58

And so in that moment, I'm handling conflict

00:56:00

in a godly, wise way.

00:56:03

And you can, too.

00:56:06

See, when we ask God, when we acknowledge Him,

00:56:09

we're not just doing it so that we can be like,

00:56:11

"Oh, look how wise and haughty we are over at Crossroads."

00:56:15

No, that's not the point. Here's the point.

00:56:18

In Proverbs, the rest of that verse 3:8,

00:56:22

which is not the one that you'll find on a TJ max board.

00:56:24

It actually says the whole reason

00:56:26

that we want godly wisdom in our life, it says this:

00:56:29

because it will be health to your body

00:56:34

and strength to your bones.

00:56:38

That's what Proverbs 3:8 is saying.

00:56:40

It's saying that if you want a life

00:56:41

that's not so stressed out and bogged down

00:56:44

and you aren't responding and severing relationships,

00:56:46

you aren't backing up scared all of the time.

00:56:49

If you want a better life,

00:56:50

you should probably apply some godly wisdom.

00:56:53

If you want to be successful in your relationships,

00:56:56

in your marriage, in your relationship with your kids,

00:56:59

in your relationships at work,

00:57:01

in your relationships while you're owning a business,

00:57:03

if you want to be successful

00:57:05

you're going to need God's wisdom.

00:57:08

And here's the thing, just like none of us

00:57:12

would maybe get up here on this stage

00:57:14

and try to play with our band or try to be an audio engineer.

00:57:17

Or maybe we would just tomorrow

00:57:19

decide we're going to be a financial analyst.

00:57:21

None of us would do that because we know

00:57:23

that those things take practice.

00:57:26

And thankfully for you and I,

00:57:29

we get plenty of practice with conflict.

00:57:31

God gives us plenty of opportunities

00:57:34

to respond with godly wisdom.

00:57:36

See the conflict you came in here with. Guess what?

00:57:39

A whole 60 minutes later, it's still waiting for you.

00:57:42

It's still waiting for you.

00:57:44

But the choice is yours how you respond.

00:57:46

Are you going to buck up? Are you going to back up?

00:57:48

Go to those default settings

00:57:49

or are you going to move the needle

00:57:52

and start to bow down before God?

00:57:56

And just like if I were to start to play guitar tomorrow,

00:57:59

I would suck.

00:58:01

When you start to try to deal with conflict in God's way,

00:58:04

it is going to be a little tough.

00:58:07

Reading the Bible, understanding His heart

00:58:09

is going to feel clunky at first.

00:58:11

Asking God to help you before the meeting with your boss

00:58:14

is going to feel weird.

00:58:17

And just like playing the guitar, if I were to start today

00:58:20

and be a whole year later, I'm going to be way better.

00:58:23

And you to have the opportunity to be way better,

00:58:28

not just for yourself, but for the sake of you

00:58:31

and your families, for the sake of the Kingdom.

00:58:34

The world is watching us.

00:58:36

If they're looking at the church and saying, "Wow,

00:58:38

they just can't seem to get it right over there either,

00:58:40

I'm out."

00:58:42

Our greatest example sometimes is how we respond

00:58:46

in these heightened moments of conflict.

00:58:49

And Jesus is inviting us to do these practicals,

00:58:53

to ask Him, to get to know His heart.

00:58:57

And so if you were here with us a couple of weeks ago,

00:58:59

we learned that all we have to do to gain wisdom is ask.

00:59:03

We've just got to ask.

00:59:05

And so we're going to do that right now.

00:59:07

I want you to close your eyes, if that's available to you,

00:59:09

and you can put your hands out in front of you,

00:59:11

like on your lap if that's available to you.

00:59:13

If it's not, that's okay.

00:59:15

I'm so glad you're here anyway.

00:59:17

And we're going to pray together.

00:59:18

Father God, thank you so very much for the opportunity

00:59:23

that arises to get to know You deeper,

00:59:26

to understand how You operate,

00:59:29

to learn about what success looks like on Your terms.

00:59:34

God, some of us have some conflict

00:59:36

and it's rattling our lives.

00:59:39

It's startling us and messing us up.

00:59:41

Would you help us right now?

00:59:43

Would you give us wisdom

00:59:45

on how to deal with that thing right now?

00:59:49

God, we just asked for more of your power,

00:59:52

more of your wisdom, more of your help.

00:59:56

I pray these and every other thing in Your Name. Amen. Amen.

01:00:03

- Hey, thanks for watching.

01:00:05

And since you stuck around, I have a cool opportunity

01:00:07

for you that you do not want to miss.

01:00:09

July 21-23, we're hosting people from all over the country

01:00:13

here in Cincinnati for a weekend of fun,

01:00:15

community and training.

01:00:16

We've got some surprises up our sleeves

01:00:18

that we've been working on,

01:00:19

and we're calling it the Anywhere Weekend.

01:00:22

And this is your last chance to sign up.

01:00:24

We're going to make it as easy as possible,

01:00:26

so stop making excuses, learn more

01:00:28

and sign up at Crossroads.net/AnywhereWeekend.

01:00:32

Now, next week on Crossroads,

01:00:34

Chuck is going to be talking about

01:00:35

how to use our time wisely. So we'll see you then.

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