God Wants You to Have Better Sex

Too many people are settling for less than the best in their sex lives, leaving them thirsty for something more. Join Crossroads Senior Pastor Brian Tome for a discussion on what the Bible has to say about sex in marriage, sex outside of marriage, and how to navigate difficult patches in your sex life. The ultimate truth is that the best sex reflects God’s loving relationship with each of us.

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    - How about that?
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    Hey. Welcome here,
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    whether you're online or in the room.
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    My name is Justin. I'm one of the music guys around here.
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    I don't know what you come in believing about God
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    or what you've heard about God,
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    but I believe in a God of joy,
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    a God that gives energy,
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    that rejuvenates, that refreshes.
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    So right here today,
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    I believe what He has for you.
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    And so right now, if you're not standing,
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    go ahead and stand with us.
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    We're going to sing songs to God
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    and about this God of joy.
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    We're so glad you're here with us.
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    - This God has good for us always.
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    - Lord. I, I set my eyes on You today
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    and I say those words only to You
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    because I believe You are the source,
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    that You're the source of every good and perfect gift.
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    And the God of joy, that You would delight in us,
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    that You would smile on us.
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    In Your Bible, Zephaniah 3:17 says
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    You're the one who exalts over us
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    with loud singing and dancing.
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    Like, You'd be the one in the aisles tonight
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    dancing up and down, because that's Your joy for us,
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    because You want to give us life,
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    because You want to refresh us.
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    And so all I can do is smile and say thank You.
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    I recognize You and want to recognize You
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    for who You are, giver of life and joy.
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    And so I do that, I thank You.
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    And I pray all this because of You, Jesus. Amen.
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    Amen. Yeah. It's so good to be together.
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    So glad you're with us online.
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    In the room, why don't you turn to somebody
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    and for 10s laugh right in their face.
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    I'm just kidding. Don't do that.
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    Turn to somebody and say, "Hey, I'm glad to be here with you.
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    So glad you're with us."
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    - Well, hey, everyone, welcome to Crossroads.
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    I'm Eric, and I am so glad
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    you are joining us online today.
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    If you did not know, Crossroads is one church
  • 00:13:54
    with many locations meeting both physically
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    and digitally all over the world.
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    And we have a whole group of people
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    all across the world who are a part of
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    our Crossroads Anywhere community.
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    And we truly believe that you don't have to be
  • 00:14:08
    located near one of our physical church buildings
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    to be a real, active and known part of our church.
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    There's people leading watch parties
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    in their homes or dorm rooms,
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    people leading groups online,
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    people going deeper into the weekly teachings,
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    asking the difficult questions about God,
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    and people simply praying for one another.
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    These are all ways to be in community,
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    and it's actually one of the practices
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    that lead to spiritual growth.
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    So, if you want ideas on how you can engage
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    with others at Crossroads, in community,
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    head to crossroads.net.
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    Another way you can grow with others
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    is through attending one of our Crossroads Camps.
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    And yes, I'm talking about camping outside
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    in a tent on the ground and it's probably
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    a little outside of your comfort zone.
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    Trust me, it's out of mine too.
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    But Camps are an opportunity for you to be off
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    and to hear from God, to have fun
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    and to do it all with hundreds of people around you.
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    You'll camp in a small group of people
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    who could become some of your best friends one day.
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    You never know.
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    We have two more Camps that are left this year.
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    That's Woman Camp if you're a woman,
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    Man Camp if you're a man.
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    And let me tell you for me, I found community
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    at Man Camp a few years ago
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    when one of my friends invited me, said,
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    "Eric, do you want to come?"
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    And my first response was, "Absolutely not,"
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    because I don't like camping.
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    But I decided to say yes and take him up on his offer.
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    And I'm 11 Man Camps in now
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    and I can't get enough of it.
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    It's just life changing.
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    I love the atmosphere of Camp.
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    I love growing with God
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    and I love my community of brothers.
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    So let me tell you, it's worth it.
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    And this is your last call to sign up
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    for either one of those.
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    You can do that by heading
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    to crossroads.net/camps to sign up,
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    and you should bring a friend along with you.
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    And something else that might be
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    a little out of our comfort zone, but it's
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    so good for our spiritual growth is giving.
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    Being generous is never easy, let's be honest,
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    and it's never comfortable.
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    And in my life, I have found that
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    it's always good for me when I lean into God.
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    It loosens the grip that money has on my life,
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    and it helps me communicate to Him that I trust Him
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    and that I want to put Him first.
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    If you want to join me in that,
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    you can do that at Crossroads.net/give.
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    Now, today we're going to be focusing
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    on a very adult topic.
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    So I want to take a minute
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    to warn all of the parents.
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    If you have little kids in the room with you
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    and they're normally watching and listening,
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    you may be in for some conversations that
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    you might not want to talk about with your kids.
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    So, please use your discretion if this is
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    the right content for your whole family to receive
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    and know that we have amazing digital content
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    made specifically for kids aged ten and under.
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    And you can find that in our app
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    or you can search Crossroads Kids' Club on YouTube.
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    And all of our content for middle schoolers
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    and high schoolers can be found
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    at Crossroads.net/watch.
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    So right now, let's hear from
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    our senior pastor Brian Tome
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    as we continue in our series Thirsty.
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    [happy music]
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    [birds chirping]
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    - [sighs] So refreshing.
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    Nothing is more satisfying than natural pure water
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    flowing from nature's bosom.
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    When you reach for a drink to quench your thirst,
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    make sure it is water.
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    [FX explosion]
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    Don't drink from some dysentery ridden
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    raccoon swimming pool.
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    - Nature sucks.
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    - You need a drink that says, "I'm here to party
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    and I might have just swallowed a cicada.
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    - Cicada. [FX explosion]
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    - Something that'll swell your tongue
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    and make your insides glow in the dark.
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    - Radiation. - Nature.
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    - Cicada. - Radiation.
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    You need Thirsty. - Thirsty.
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    - A drink designed by scientists at a lab
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    in the basement of your mom's house.
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    It's full of all kinds of things you can't spell:
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    So the next time you got a thirst,
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    grab the drink that will do absolutely nothing for you.
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    - Thirsty.
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    - It comes in six flavors that aren't real flavors.
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    - Six flavors.
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    - Thirsty.
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    -The drink that will leave you wanting more.
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    [FX explosion]
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    - Yeah. Hey, so good to be with everybody today.
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    It's going to be a good day.
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    It's going to be an interesting day.
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    It's going to be probably be an offensive day.
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    It's going to be --
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    I'm an equal opportunity offender.
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    Because after all, we're talking about, like,
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    the most sensitive topic you could talk about
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    that is I'm talking today. I'm talking about sex.
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    [music: Let's Talk About Sex, Salt-n-Pepa]
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    Come on, let's talk about sex, baby.
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    Let's talk about you and me.
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    Let's talk about all the good things
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    - All right. Good, good. Enough of that.
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    Now I want to say this before I go further,
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    today, I'm going to be talking about sex,
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    but I'll tell you, there's a sexuality
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    I'm not talking about.
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    I just want to get this out of the way with.
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    I get asked a lot, emailed a lot.
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    You know tell me about LGBTQIA+.
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    What's your take on this?
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    The teachers, leaders of Crossroads,
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    I'm done giving a --
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    I am done giving a soundbite answer.
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    I'm done even responding to emails on that question.
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    Here's what I tell everybody, I'll tell you.
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    If you want to know, read this book.
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    It's called People to Be Loved by Preston Sprinkle.
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    It is thorough. It's fantastic.
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    He says, and it's what we've always taught around here,
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    he says this:
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    Homosexuality is not some issue to be debated,
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    but people to be loved.
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    Now, I want to talk from here,
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    I want to talk about the ideal of sex
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    between a man and a woman,
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    or what if you're never going to be married?
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    What if you're single right now,
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    will be single forever, what do you do?
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    I don't know exactly the answer to that question,
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    but I can't tell you God is good. He is good.
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    And He has things for you that you may not have imagined.
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    He has a very deep well for you to drink from.
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    Let's pray before I go any further.
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    Father, I'm really honored to talk about
  • 00:20:37
    something transcendent, a little nervous about it,
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    to be honest, a little queasy about it
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    because it's always controversial
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    if we hear something we don't want to hear.
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    And I know, though, You bring people
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    to Crossroads who are thirsty,
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    who want something beyond what we'll get
  • 00:20:53
    someplace else on the radio, movies,
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    our streaming platforms, whatever it is.
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    I pray You give us Your clarity.
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    Help me to be clear.
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    Help me to be very intuitive,
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    and most importantly, to be very truthful.
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    And I pray these things according to
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    the character and identity of Jesus. Amen.
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    When I was a kid, you ever have one of those things
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    where you have a memory and then all of a sudden,
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    years and years later, you realize,
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    "Oh, that's what happened way back when.
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    I didn't realize that." You ever have one of those?
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    When I was a little kid, I was over at
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    my extended relatives house, and I was,
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    I think 6 or 7, and I was a spaz.
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    I know that surprises you.
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    I was a spaz playing horse,
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    playing pig, round the world.
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    And I was just -- I remember jumping on people
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    and just running around like a maniac.
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    And my older cousin had a boyfriend.
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    They were about 16 or so, and I was just panting.
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    I was thirsty and and I didn't have any water.
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    And he said, "Here, I got some."
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    And he gave me this cup and I chugged this cup.
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    And I don't know if it went down the wrong pipe
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    or what happened, if I was so over exhausted.
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    It was just like the most horrible thing.
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    It went wrong places.
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    I was freaked out and I started crying.
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    And I ran inside and I talked to my mom and dad.
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    I was coughing everything out and everything.
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    And I remember them looking at him,
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    giving him a bit of an evil look.
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    And I didn't understand what that was about.
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    And I've always wondered, how did that take place?
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    What was that?
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    And then a few years ago, it dawned on me.
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    I thought, "Oh, my cousin's boyfriend was over
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    and he had vodka in the cup, and he thought
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    it'd be fun giving the little spaz some water.
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    And he chugged vodka."
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    My first bit of alcohol, and it just it was,
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    you know, it was horrible.
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    Now, vodka could have its place for you
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    in the right time, in the right place,
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    if that's what your thing is.
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    You want to be a person of moderation.
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    But in that situation, actually any situation,
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    if you want to be hydrated,
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    vodka is the wrong answer.
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    I think there's a message for us in this about sex,
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    where we want sex to hydrate us
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    and it may give us a buzz.
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    It does give us a buzz, orgasm does that.
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    I'm going to be very frank and very direct today,
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    not because I want shock value,
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    but because I want to be Helpful,
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    but there's only one source of true hydration
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    that nourishes our soul.
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    Let's look at 1 Corinthians 10:1-4.
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    I'm going to give you a lot of Bible today.
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    You okay with that? A lot of Bible today
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    because this stuff I'm gonna share with you
  • 00:23:31
    isn't my opinion.
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    It's the stuff that has been in God's Word
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    for generations and eons.
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    Here's what it says in 1 Corinthians 7 --
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    Excuse me, chapter ten:
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    This is talking about their forefathers
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    of the faith in the Old Testament,
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    and they experienced things that were transcendent.
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    And the Apostle Paul is telling them
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    in these writings they actually experienced Jesus.
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    This is, you're going to see, comes in the context
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    of a sex chapter in the Bible.
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    And I want to be clear, no matter
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    what you're doing sexually right now,
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    no matter if you're doing it great,
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    if you're not doing it at all, if you're doing it horribly,
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    if you're in a marriage, if you're not married,
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    if you're never going to be married,
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    here we all have this in common:
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    sex is not the source of your hydration.
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    Jesus is the source of your hydration.
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    If you want to have a full soul,
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    if you want to have a pep in your step,
  • 00:24:45
    if you want to have
  • 00:24:46
    a peace that passes understanding,
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    have a joyful outlook,
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    sense the abiding presence of God,
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    sex is not what does it.
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    It's the presence of Jesus Himself.
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    He is who does it. He is who nourishes us.
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    Let's go all the way back,
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    all the way back in the book of Genesis,
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    the very beginning where sex starts.
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    And we see that actually the beginning of
  • 00:25:11
    where Jesus is, because God is referred to
  • 00:25:13
    in the plural, because God;s always existed
  • 00:25:16
    in a Trinity: God the Father, God the Son,
  • 00:25:18
    and God the Holy Spirit, all one.
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    And this is a precursor of understanding marriage
  • 00:25:26
    between a man and a woman.
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    Let's go back to Genesis 1, here's what it says:
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    I am not interested today in you towing the line
  • 00:25:47
    and drawing boxes of who's in and who's out,
  • 00:25:49
    who's done bad things, who's done horrible things,
  • 00:25:52
    who's done good things, you're right, you're wrong.
  • 00:25:54
    I'm not interested in that today.
  • 00:25:56
    I'm interested in you seeing the character of God,
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    who God is, which will impact
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    your sense of hydration
  • 00:26:03
    and it will impact your sexual choices.
  • 00:26:08
    Here we have the first instance of sex.
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    God is in a multiple relationship with Himself,
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    God the Father, Son, the Holy Spirit.
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    And He says, "Look, there's an individual guy,
  • 00:26:18
    a little incomplete," creates a woman.
  • 00:26:20
    So they are one and we are made in His image.
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    That means there's things about God
  • 00:26:25
    that we have in common with Him
  • 00:26:27
    that no other created thing does.
  • 00:26:28
    One of them is we exist in community
  • 00:26:32
    with each other, man and a woman,
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    complementary parts that come together,
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    similar to how God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit
  • 00:26:38
    have complementary parts.
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    And there's fruitful and multiplication.
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    When a man and a woman come together,
  • 00:26:43
    you can reproduce, you can create more people.
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    That's the only way it happens.
  • 00:26:49
    Although I know science is doing
  • 00:26:51
    some different things to address that.
  • 00:26:53
    But here we have a replication of God.
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    God creates and a man and a woman can create,
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    being fruitful and multiply.
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    Genesis 2:24 says this:
  • 00:27:15
    Again, this is about the identity of God
  • 00:27:18
    and how when a man and a woman get married,
  • 00:27:22
    we complement God, we reflect God rather,
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    because we become one person.
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    That's a crazy thing, one person.
  • 00:27:32
    So the act of sexual intercourse.
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    Here he goes, hand motion coming.
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    The act of sexual intercourse.
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    Maybe more like this. You know?
  • 00:27:42
    The act of sexual intercourse
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    is a physical representation of what's happened
  • 00:27:48
    when a man and a woman get married.
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    Because before God, you're not two individuals,
  • 00:27:52
    you're now one person before God.
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    That's why divorce is so catastrophic for you,
  • 00:27:56
    any of you who've been through it,
  • 00:27:58
    it's because of ripping, there's a tearing,
  • 00:27:59
    because you are one soul with that person.
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    And when you have sex,
  • 00:28:04
    it's a physical representation
  • 00:28:06
    of what that relationship should be.
  • 00:28:08
    You are one person, one mass.
  • 00:28:12
    Now let me tell you, I want you --
  • 00:28:17
    I want you, if you want it,
  • 00:28:18
    I want you to be different.
  • 00:28:20
    I want you to be different than the rest of the world
  • 00:28:22
    that is just struggling and feeling alone
  • 00:28:24
    and isolated and not feeling joyful.
  • 00:28:27
    And this is part of the answer to this.
  • 00:28:30
    I'm going to say some things today
  • 00:28:32
    and I already have that are very, very different.
  • 00:28:34
    And I want to be different,
  • 00:28:36
    but I want you to be different if that's what you want,
  • 00:28:39
    if you want to get on a different path with God,
  • 00:28:42
    a different place of connection with Him,
  • 00:28:46
    this is really important.
  • 00:28:47
    That's why this stuff comes up in the Bible all the time.
  • 00:28:51
    And it's the same message again and again.
  • 00:28:54
    If you want to be different,
  • 00:28:56
    you're going to have to think different.
  • 00:28:58
    And it's hard to talk about this because
  • 00:29:01
    our sexuality in our country and our culture
  • 00:29:04
    is changing so quickly.
  • 00:29:06
    Like, in fact, we started Crossroads
  • 00:29:10
    28 years or so ago, I felt like I talked about sex
  • 00:29:14
    about every two months.
  • 00:29:15
    It was simple message. Stop it, stop it, stop it.
  • 00:29:18
    Would you just stop it?
  • 00:29:19
    I mean, there were just people at Crossroads
  • 00:29:21
    just screwing like bunnies
  • 00:29:23
    all over the place all the time.
  • 00:29:25
    Go Trips, Go Trips, mission trips,
  • 00:29:28
    people hooking up on mission trips,
  • 00:29:29
    people having affairs on mission trips.
  • 00:29:31
    I'm not kidding around. It was like, my gosh.
  • 00:29:35
    Now, today, statistics would say Americans
  • 00:29:38
    are having sex at a very underwhelming space,
  • 00:29:42
    at least with another person.
  • 00:29:45
    And when we are having sex, it just looks very different.
  • 00:29:49
    I interact with a lot of single guys,
  • 00:29:51
    and they tell me that women are very,
  • 00:29:54
    very frequently the aggressors in the relationship,
  • 00:29:57
    which is a pretty, pretty new thing.
  • 00:29:59
    They tell me things like
  • 00:30:02
    when their girlfriend is and when he's choosing
  • 00:30:06
    that he wants to be chaste or absetenent,
  • 00:30:08
    she many times doesn't like it
  • 00:30:10
    and will say things like, "You need to man up,
  • 00:30:12
    you need to man up." Actual quotes.
  • 00:30:15
    Women being the aggressors
  • 00:30:17
    and needing a boyfriend to affirm them,
  • 00:30:20
    to affirm her is a is a pretty recent phenomenon
  • 00:30:23
    to the degree that it is.
  • 00:30:25
    Previously straight people
  • 00:30:27
    becoming same sex oriented.
  • 00:30:30
    Some of them, some of them because
  • 00:30:32
    they couldn't find somebody of the opposite sex,
  • 00:30:35
    or somebody of the opposite sex actually hurt them
  • 00:30:37
    and wounded them so deeply that they have
  • 00:30:39
    to experiment and try different things right now.
  • 00:30:42
    It's never been more popular and more pervasive
  • 00:30:45
    having sex with yourself than it is right now.
  • 00:30:49
    We are just having private sexual experiences
  • 00:30:54
    to an unbelievable degree,
  • 00:30:56
    and it's actually hurting us
  • 00:30:58
    and our ability to have actual human relationships.
  • 00:31:00
    A friend of mine is a sex therapist,
  • 00:31:02
    and I've had her on my podcast,
  • 00:31:04
    and she says her fastest growing clientele
  • 00:31:06
    is young men in their 20s who cannot perform
  • 00:31:10
    with their girlfriends because
  • 00:31:12
    they've had sex by themselves so many times
  • 00:31:14
    and seen so many images that they have
  • 00:31:17
    unbelievable pressure of not being able to perform
  • 00:31:19
    and then they can't perform.
  • 00:31:21
    I mean, guys not being able to get an erection
  • 00:31:23
    in their 20s, that was never a thing. It wasn't.
  • 00:31:29
    Things are different. They are harder today.
  • 00:31:33
    Harder, he said harder. I don't mean --
  • 00:31:36
    I don't mean things are --
  • 00:31:41
    When I was younger, when I was younger,
  • 00:31:44
    you had to work to get pornography.
  • 00:31:45
    It was hard, difficult to get pornography.
  • 00:31:48
    You had to be careful where you went,
  • 00:31:50
    because you wouldn't want to go to one
  • 00:31:51
    of those places by the side of the highway
  • 00:31:53
    everyone knows you and knows you're a pervert
  • 00:31:55
    if you're going in there.
  • 00:31:56
    You go in, you have to actually buy something.
  • 00:31:57
    You couldn't see something for free
  • 00:31:59
    in the privacy of your home.
  • 00:32:00
    You had to go someplace, buy something,
  • 00:32:02
    put it inside of a paper bag, bring it home.
  • 00:32:03
    You're coming out, you're hoping no one sees you
  • 00:32:05
    with a little paper bag inside the convenience store.
  • 00:32:07
    Which, by the way, like, is that why
  • 00:32:11
    they're called Come and Go?
  • 00:32:12
    I don't understand those stores. Have you ever?
  • 00:32:15
    I'm serious, have you ever seen these stores
  • 00:32:17
    Come and Go? Like, is there no board members
  • 00:32:19
    who will go, "Should we change the name
  • 00:32:21
    of our store? It just seems a little inappropriate."
  • 00:32:25
    Okay, but I digress.
  • 00:32:28
    It's not just these things, it's even stuff
  • 00:32:30
    that I hate to tell you about,
  • 00:32:32
    but you're going to find out about it
  • 00:32:33
    if you don't know it already.
  • 00:32:34
    This is, again, the landscape of how difficult
  • 00:32:38
    it is for you to operate on different levels sexually.
  • 00:32:42
    If you don't want to be with somebody else,
  • 00:32:45
    you can have your AI boyfriend, AI girlfriend.
  • 00:32:49
    You can go and you can pick the body type you want,
  • 00:32:51
    hair, hair color,
  • 00:32:53
    the occupation you want the person to be in,
  • 00:32:57
    the personality type the person has.
  • 00:33:00
    And then you give them access to your calendar.
  • 00:33:02
    You give them access to your emails
  • 00:33:04
    so they know you.
  • 00:33:06
    You give them your cell phone and they text you.
  • 00:33:08
    "How was your meeting? I was thinking about you."
  • 00:33:10
    And they sext you.
  • 00:33:13
    This is horrible and a temptation
  • 00:33:17
    that I am so glad I didn't have to do.
  • 00:33:19
    I guess I still have to deal with it now,
  • 00:33:21
    but when I was younger, especially.
  • 00:33:23
    My goodness, I'm saying the landscape for sexuality
  • 00:33:26
    is unlike anything that's ever happened
  • 00:33:29
    in anthropological history.
  • 00:33:32
    You and I are in strange and uncharted
  • 00:33:35
    and dangerous and difficult waters.
  • 00:33:38
    And the best sex, the best sex
  • 00:33:41
    reflects God's relationship with you and me.
  • 00:33:45
    I'll say it again the best sex reflects
  • 00:33:46
    God's relationship with you and I.
  • 00:33:48
    Whether you're single or married or whatever you are,
  • 00:33:51
    He wants to have an intimate relationship with you.
  • 00:33:54
    In the book of Psalms 103:8, it tells us
  • 00:33:57
    about who you can be wedded to.
  • 00:34:08
    So He is not angry with you.
  • 00:34:11
    He is slow, or He is slow to anger.
  • 00:34:13
    He gets over it really fast because
  • 00:34:15
    He's merciful and He's gracious
  • 00:34:18
    and He's abounding in steadfast love.
  • 00:34:20
    His love for you isn't fickle
  • 00:34:22
    like your and my love is for other people
  • 00:34:24
    or other things. He's there all the time.
  • 00:34:28
    You can't change how much He loves you.
  • 00:34:30
    No matter what you're going to do or not do
  • 00:34:31
    He loves you.
  • 00:34:34
    In Ephesians, New Testament portion of the Bible,
  • 00:34:36
    that's in the strain, the stream of
  • 00:34:39
    everything else through the Bible on sexuality.
  • 00:34:42
    Here's what the Apostle Paul says:
  • 00:34:48
    We just read that, quoting that verse.
  • 00:34:51
    And here's the bam.
  • 00:35:00
    So he's saying the mystery, the mystery isn't
  • 00:35:02
    when a man and woman come together
  • 00:35:03
    and they make public proclamation
  • 00:35:05
    that they're married.
  • 00:35:07
    That, that's an amazing mystery.
  • 00:35:08
    He says, no, the mystery is that
  • 00:35:10
    this is what Jesus does with us.
  • 00:35:12
    If you've received Christ, if you're going
  • 00:35:14
    to come into a relationship with Him,
  • 00:35:16
    whether you're male or female,
  • 00:35:17
    you're a part of the bride of Christ.
  • 00:35:20
    He's the bridegroom, He's the groom,
  • 00:35:22
    and He comes and He weds us.
  • 00:35:24
    So Paul is saying here, the Bible is saying,
  • 00:35:26
    just like this physical reality of man and woman
  • 00:35:29
    reproduce, multiply, beautiful ones there.
  • 00:35:32
    This actually just mirrors and sets us up
  • 00:35:35
    to understand what Jesus does for us.
  • 00:35:37
    He weds us. Get ready for it. He weds us.
  • 00:35:41
    He inserts Himself inside of us.
  • 00:35:45
    He gives us the Holy Spirit
  • 00:35:47
    and we have the fruit of the Spirit.
  • 00:35:49
    We can replicate things that we can only have with Him.
  • 00:35:52
    He says this is the mystery,
  • 00:35:54
    it's about God and us in the church.
  • 00:35:56
    God weds Himself to you.
  • 00:35:58
    You're married to Him if you receive Him.
  • 00:36:00
    And He's a great spouse.
  • 00:36:03
    He's a great man.
  • 00:36:04
    I mean, He is slow to anger.
  • 00:36:06
    He gets over stuff. He's always there.
  • 00:36:08
    He's for us.
  • 00:36:15
    We don't talk too much about sex at our Camps.
  • 00:36:18
    Man Camp it's the last day to sign up for Man Camp.
  • 00:36:21
    A couple couple weeks away. I hope you all come.
  • 00:36:23
    We have seven countries coming: France, Uruguay,
  • 00:36:25
    people coming all over the world coming to our camps
  • 00:36:27
    and some of you have never been out.
  • 00:36:29
    Come on out. We'll take care of you.
  • 00:36:30
    We'll help you figure out your gear, all that stuff.
  • 00:36:32
    Woman Camp is also coming up,
  • 00:36:34
    last day to sign up for Woman Camp
  • 00:36:36
    is actually this weekend.
  • 00:36:37
    At Man Camp -- I don't really talk --
  • 00:36:39
    I don't think I've ever given --
  • 00:36:41
    I've never given a sex talk I think at Man Camp.
  • 00:36:43
    Men are about a lot more than sex.
  • 00:36:45
    I don't know what happens at Woman Camp.
  • 00:36:46
    If they never invite me, I would love to give
  • 00:36:48
    a sex talk a Woman Camp. I would love.
  • 00:36:50
    I would love to tell you women everything
  • 00:36:52
    you need to know, I would love to do that.
  • 00:36:55
    That would be very stupid
  • 00:36:56
    and not qualified for that at all.
  • 00:36:59
    I don't know what happens at Woman Camp.
  • 00:37:00
    But let me tell you, my favorite camp of all
  • 00:37:02
    is Couples Camp and I do talk about sex.
  • 00:37:04
    It comes up every Couples Camp to one degree
  • 00:37:06
    or another because it's important in marriage,
  • 00:37:08
    which is where the next portion of our talk is going to go.
  • 00:37:11
    And I want to let you see a little strange moment
  • 00:37:14
    that we had at our last couples camp.
  • 00:37:19
    - One Alpha.
  • 00:37:20
    - Well, we found some footage from a recent camp
  • 00:37:24
    that features you guys and we'd love show it to you.
  • 00:37:27
    - Oh, my gosh.
  • 00:37:28
    - We've talked more about sex at this Couples Camp
  • 00:37:32
    than I think we ever have, it's kind of --
  • 00:37:34
    And I'm just interacting with more couples
  • 00:37:37
    that haven't had sex for 3 or 4 years.
  • 00:37:39
    And I'm not talking about people who are past 60.
  • 00:37:41
    Things change, you know, when you're past 60,
  • 00:37:43
    you're just, you know, it's just different,
  • 00:37:44
    not that important to me.
  • 00:37:46
    - Don't buy that!
  • 00:37:47
    - As everyone --
  • 00:37:49
    Not everybody. Not everybody.
  • 00:37:51
    [cheers]
  • 00:37:52
    Not everybody.
  • 00:37:54
    - So who yelled, "Don't buy that"?
  • 00:37:57
    Nice. Why? Tell us about that moment.
  • 00:38:00
    - Well, I personally believe that sex is
  • 00:38:05
    a God given sacrament to marriage.
  • 00:38:08
    And I think that without that,
  • 00:38:12
    marriage is oftentimes don't stay together.
  • 00:38:15
    - And you say, "Don't buy that,"
  • 00:38:16
    specifically to the over 60 comment?
  • 00:38:18
    - Yes, because I am long past 60
  • 00:38:22
    and she's a little bit past it too.
  • 00:38:25
    - Yes.
  • 00:38:26
    I was married 30 years before being widowed.
  • 00:38:30
    My late husband was never very sexually interested.
  • 00:38:36
    After we had children, he stopped sleeping with me.
  • 00:38:40
    I was 44 years old.
  • 00:38:42
    - In my case, my first marriage,
  • 00:38:44
    she loved to talk and talk, talk, talk about sex.
  • 00:38:48
    But then it seemed like there was never the actual thing.
  • 00:38:53
    What ended up happening with me was I strayed
  • 00:38:58
    because I felt like I'm in my 20s.
  • 00:39:01
    I'm a halfway attractive guy.
  • 00:39:02
    What doesn't she see interesting in me?
  • 00:39:05
    You know, that wasn't good for our marriage.
  • 00:39:07
    And eventually, after 16 years, our marriage
  • 00:39:10
    ended up in a very bitter divorce.
  • 00:39:12
    Five years after that, I remarried.
  • 00:39:14
    Our sex life was good until she had some physical problems.
  • 00:39:18
    And I understood that.
  • 00:39:20
    We met a Crossroads.
  • 00:39:22
    We met in the Senior Connection.
  • 00:39:24
    I had been widowed two years at that point.
  • 00:39:28
    You had been widowed seven years at that point.
  • 00:39:31
    - When we met, there were just --
  • 00:39:34
    There was an instant connection
  • 00:39:37
    because of our shared widowhood.
  • 00:39:40
    - What I would say to young couples is
  • 00:39:42
    it takes practice.
  • 00:39:43
    It's like following Jesus.
  • 00:39:46
    It sounds real easy
  • 00:39:47
    and then you find out that there's a lot more involved.
  • 00:39:52
    - I would definitely say to make time
  • 00:39:55
    and to be, like Jeff said, intentional.
  • 00:40:00
    - Trying to elevate the sacrament
  • 00:40:03
    of sex in a marriage, you know,
  • 00:40:06
    and finding the joy in that,
  • 00:40:07
    it's one of the few things that you can do
  • 00:40:11
    for each other, and they don't have a big price tag.
  • 00:40:16
    - Man, isn't that beautiful.
  • 00:40:19
    It's so empowering when someone shares
  • 00:40:21
    a bit of their story, it's just very vulnerable.
  • 00:40:26
    That first verse we read today,
  • 00:40:28
    or one of the first ones in the book of Genesis,
  • 00:40:30
    remember it said that Adam and Eve
  • 00:40:32
    were naked and not ashamed.
  • 00:40:35
    Sex, whether and it's inside marriage,
  • 00:40:38
    I think it's actually more difficult
  • 00:40:40
    inside of a marriage for some reason.
  • 00:40:43
    It's about intimacy. Into me see, into me see.
  • 00:40:49
    It's about allowing someone to see you.
  • 00:40:51
    And it's said there that Adam and Eve
  • 00:40:53
    were naked and had no shame.
  • 00:40:54
    Who's the last person, has there ever been somebody
  • 00:40:57
    that you've been completely naked with
  • 00:41:00
    and you're okay with that?
  • 00:41:02
    Very, very few people, even in marriage,
  • 00:41:05
    are ever fully naked in front of their spouse.
  • 00:41:08
    Got to have a towel on us. Got to have this or that.
  • 00:41:10
    Adam and Eve had leaves on them
  • 00:41:11
    when stuff started happening.
  • 00:41:14
    Because the most important thing about sex,
  • 00:41:16
    the reason and the way sex is great is
  • 00:41:18
    when we are intimate and we can be seen
  • 00:41:21
    and allow someone to see us,
  • 00:41:22
    because that's amazing about God.
  • 00:41:24
    He sees you and He sees all your warts,
  • 00:41:27
    all your pimples, all your sags,
  • 00:41:30
    everything about your life and He still wants you.
  • 00:41:34
    And when we look at somebody else
  • 00:41:36
    and we see things aren't as big or too big,
  • 00:41:41
    or there's moles, and when you accept
  • 00:41:44
    and receive that person and they you,
  • 00:41:47
    it paves the way for an amazing sexual relationship.
  • 00:41:51
    Which reminds you again how good God is
  • 00:41:54
    to be with us while we're so afraid
  • 00:41:57
    to share parts of ourselves with Him,
  • 00:41:59
    even though he knows every part of us.
  • 00:42:05
    In 1 Corinthians, it goes on.
  • 00:42:07
    It gives us a reason, a little teaching
  • 00:42:10
    about why it's important for people
  • 00:42:13
    who are married to stay sexually active.
  • 00:42:15
    Let's see what it says.
  • 00:42:24
    Let me stop right here.
  • 00:42:25
    I want you to notice here in this passage
  • 00:42:27
    that oftentimes the Bible gets given
  • 00:42:30
    the reputation of being sexist.
  • 00:42:32
    It's always given that reputation
  • 00:42:34
    by people who've never actually read it.
  • 00:42:36
    When you read this, I want you to notice that
  • 00:42:38
    the same exact words, the same exact expectations
  • 00:42:41
    are given to the husband as to the wife.
  • 00:42:44
    Same, same thing. Next verse.
  • 00:42:46
    But because the temptation. Excuse me.
  • 00:42:48
    Where is it? Verse four.
  • 00:42:59
    Why is that? Because it's not my body anymore,
  • 00:43:01
    it's our body. We are one.
  • 00:43:18
    Sex inside of a marriage is important.
  • 00:43:20
    It shows that we are one.
  • 00:43:23
    It's not just a way to feel good
  • 00:43:25
    and have orgasm and have connection,
  • 00:43:27
    but it's a way to remind ourselves that
  • 00:43:29
    we are one before God.
  • 00:43:32
    And accommodating one another is something
  • 00:43:35
    that's important to do sexually in the bedroom.
  • 00:43:38
    God, have you ever considered God accommodates us?
  • 00:43:41
    He does.
  • 00:43:42
    I've given a talk on that before.
  • 00:43:44
    I'm not going to go that here right now.
  • 00:43:45
    But this is what happens.
  • 00:43:47
    Now, whenever the biblical view of sex comes up,
  • 00:43:53
    people like me are accused of being a prude,
  • 00:43:55
    being repressive, being backwards, or even being,
  • 00:43:59
    here's the word puritanical.
  • 00:44:01
    It's funny to me when someone
  • 00:44:03
    talks about being puritanical
  • 00:44:05
    or they don't even know what that means.
  • 00:44:07
    The Puritans,
  • 00:44:09
    and they couldn't even name a single Puritan.
  • 00:44:12
    Can you name a single Puritan?
  • 00:44:14
    You ever read any of their stuff?
  • 00:44:16
    John Bunyan, Jonathan Edwards,
  • 00:44:18
    they're not what people expected.
  • 00:44:21
    Rodney Stark talks about this.
  • 00:44:24
    He's a historian and sociologist
  • 00:44:26
    out of the University of Baylor.
  • 00:44:27
    And he talks about the Puritans'
  • 00:44:31
    way to apply this passage,
  • 00:44:34
    about men satisfying their wives
  • 00:44:37
    who want to be satisfied and wives satisfying
  • 00:44:40
    their men who want to be satisfied.
  • 00:44:43
    Here's what he says from history:
  • 00:45:20
    We maybe should start doing that here
  • 00:45:21
    as part of our services. You know?
  • 00:46:00
    The stream of Christianity is that sex is very important,
  • 00:46:03
    it's very transcendent.
  • 00:46:05
    It's not something to be played with,
  • 00:46:06
    like vodka is, but in the right context
  • 00:46:08
    it's supposed to be celebrated. It's supposed to be grown,
  • 00:46:11
    it's supposed to be enjoyed,
  • 00:46:13
    and it's supposed to be reminded that
  • 00:46:14
    it reflects my love relationship with God.
  • 00:46:19
    And by the way, I know, I know that this is really difficult.
  • 00:46:26
    I know right now there's some very awkward people
  • 00:46:29
    sitting beside each other.
  • 00:46:31
    One spouse is saying, "Man, I hope they're hearing this.
  • 00:46:34
    We are going to talk about this later on."
  • 00:46:36
    This is, this is.
  • 00:46:38
    And the other spouse is saying, "Oh no,
  • 00:46:42
    there's going to be --
  • 00:46:43
    This is now a Billy club that's going to be used
  • 00:46:46
    to beat me up into doing what needs to be done.
  • 00:46:51
    Those tensions are difficult to the person
  • 00:46:56
    who is not wanting to work on
  • 00:46:58
    your sex relationship inside of your marriage.
  • 00:47:01
    I would just say if you don't want to work on it,
  • 00:47:04
    you have to understand in this area
  • 00:47:05
    you're outside the will of God.
  • 00:47:09
    I mean, it says it very clearly.
  • 00:47:10
    If you don't want to work on it,
  • 00:47:12
    you've got a major barrier with God on this,
  • 00:47:15
    let alone what's happening to him or her over there.
  • 00:47:17
    To the person who wants to use this
  • 00:47:19
    to push the issue and kind of make it
  • 00:47:23
    just kind of power up on it,
  • 00:47:24
    I would say that's not what love is.
  • 00:47:26
    1 Corinthians 13:4 says:
  • 00:47:41
    You need to continue to love your spouse
  • 00:47:44
    and be patient while not giving up.
  • 00:47:46
    And the other person needs to constantly ask,
  • 00:47:48
    "Why God, don't I want
  • 00:47:50
    what you say I should be wanting
  • 00:47:54
    and getting to a place where you could both
  • 00:47:56
    be naked and vulnerable in front of each other?"
  • 00:47:59
    It's a place of holiness.
  • 00:48:02
    It's hard for me to give this talk because
  • 00:48:05
    I'm not speaking as somebody
  • 00:48:07
    who has an unbelievable track record
  • 00:48:10
    and Lib and I having unbelievable great sex
  • 00:48:12
    for our 30, whatever, 30.
  • 00:48:16
    I don't know, 30, 30 some years.
  • 00:48:20
    I'll give you a bit of our story.
  • 00:48:22
    Lib and I have been out of sync sexually
  • 00:48:25
    for our entire marriage.
  • 00:48:26
    We've had sex, had good sex, satisfied each other.
  • 00:48:30
    Keep working on it, but it's never come easy.
  • 00:48:33
    Some of you, you're like, "Gosh, I don't know how --
  • 00:48:36
    Wow. Okay. It just seems like a natural,
  • 00:48:39
    easy fulfilling for both people all the time."
  • 00:48:43
    Great. That's not been our experience.
  • 00:48:45
    We come into the marriage,
  • 00:48:46
    one person having had previous partners,
  • 00:48:49
    another person being a virgin.
  • 00:48:53
    And things not being ideal on the wedding night.
  • 00:48:58
    We didn't talk about that the way that we should have.
  • 00:49:01
    Being in a purity culture where you're told,
  • 00:49:04
    "Don't do it, don't do it,
  • 00:49:05
    don't do it, don't do it,"
  • 00:49:06
    which is kind of a good thing when you're 16.
  • 00:49:08
    But when you've had that as your primary,
  • 00:49:11
    defining thing of how you serve Jesus,
  • 00:49:13
    not having sex and saying no to those urges,
  • 00:49:16
    you don't just all of a sudden turn it on
  • 00:49:18
    and not have some learning or relearning to do.
  • 00:49:24
    Very complicated for us.
  • 00:49:26
    When we got married,
  • 00:49:27
    I was closer to my sexual prime than Lib was
  • 00:49:29
    so I'm like, "Come on, let's go," all the time.
  • 00:49:31
    "Come on, come on, let's go, let's go.
  • 00:49:32
    Let's go, let's go, let's go. Ready?
  • 00:49:34
    Ready. Right now. Ready. Are you ready?
  • 00:49:36
    Ready, ready. Right, right. Just go, go, go, go, go, go."
  • 00:49:38
    And she was further.
  • 00:49:39
    She wasn't towards her sexual prime.
  • 00:49:41
    So we were sort of that way.
  • 00:49:45
    And then as we age, we age and I age
  • 00:49:51
    and I get to age, I don't know, 40, 45
  • 00:49:56
    and my sex drive turns off.
  • 00:49:57
    And I just go, "Hallelujah, Lord, thank you so much."
  • 00:50:02
    It was -- because I'm one of these weird people.
  • 00:50:04
    I'm one of these weird people who,
  • 00:50:06
    when I read the Bible, I actually do it.
  • 00:50:10
    I know. I read it and I go, "I should actually do it."
  • 00:50:14
    So from age 15 through every time I would read,
  • 00:50:18
    "If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off.
  • 00:50:21
    Your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out."
  • 00:50:23
    I would say in all honesty, "God,
  • 00:50:25
    You want me to cut my dick off?
  • 00:50:30
    I can't stop. I can't stop thinking about it.
  • 00:50:32
    I can't stop touching it, I can't. I can't."
  • 00:50:36
    It was. It was oppressive, honestly, honestly.
  • 00:50:39
    Some of you know, it's oppressive.
  • 00:50:41
    You don't want to think about it as often you do.
  • 00:50:43
    You don't want your eyes to go where they go.
  • 00:50:45
    It was -- And then when it turned off,
  • 00:50:47
    because it did, it was great.
  • 00:50:49
    Well, the problem was then
  • 00:50:50
    Lib is close to her sexual prime.
  • 00:50:56
    And just, you know, we worked on it,
  • 00:50:58
    but, you know, I was in other things.
  • 00:51:01
    I just wasn't as attentive to her as I should have been.
  • 00:51:03
    And, you know, again, just been like this,
  • 00:51:06
    you know, which actually, it's kind of like
  • 00:51:09
    us and God, isn't it?
  • 00:51:11
    You know, sometimes we're just not connecting with God.
  • 00:51:14
    But am I working it? Am I trying?
  • 00:51:16
    Am I trying to improve the relationship?
  • 00:51:19
    And then add insult to injury, my urologist tests me,
  • 00:51:27
    finds out a couple of years ago.
  • 00:51:29
    "Hey. Hey, man, you got to have,
  • 00:51:30
    like, no testosterone left."
  • 00:51:31
    Oh! So I take these testosterone shots once a week
  • 00:51:35
    and basically, basically makes me,
  • 00:51:37
    like, a 35 year old or something.
  • 00:51:38
    I'm like, "Woo, let's go. Come on."
  • 00:51:41
    And she's past menopause.
  • 00:51:43
    So again, it's like -- It's like this.
  • 00:51:50
    And she takes care of me. She's amazing.
  • 00:51:53
    We work on each other.
  • 00:51:54
    All I'm saying, I'm not --
  • 00:51:55
    All I'm saying is this: sex,
  • 00:51:59
    even when it doesn't come natural,
  • 00:52:01
    it's worth the fight.
  • 00:52:04
    And if you're in a situation where
  • 00:52:08
    that's not going to be happening
  • 00:52:09
    and you're maybe just you're single,
  • 00:52:11
    you need to know and understand, hey, hey.
  • 00:52:14
    Being married, according to the apostle Paul
  • 00:52:16
    in the New Testament, isn't the best thing.
  • 00:52:18
    The best thing is to be single.
  • 00:52:20
    He put a lot of time in this.
  • 00:52:21
    Hey, man, it's awesome to be single. It's great.
  • 00:52:24
    Yeah, yeah.
  • 00:52:25
    If you're married, don't clap right now.
  • 00:52:26
    Don't. Don't, married people. Don't.
  • 00:52:28
    Do not, do not clap right now.
  • 00:52:30
    But that's a whole other talk about
  • 00:52:32
    how awesome it is to be single and the freedoms that you have
  • 00:52:34
    and the flexibilities and all of that stuff. Right?
  • 00:52:39
    But whatever our station is, sex is going to be an issue.
  • 00:52:44
    It's going to be a constant temptation for us.
  • 00:52:47
    If you care about our relationship with God
  • 00:52:49
    and you want to honor a relationship with God,
  • 00:52:53
    the biggest and most powerful sex organ
  • 00:52:57
    in our bodies is between our ears. It's our brain.
  • 00:53:00
    And once we stop being vulnerable and open
  • 00:53:05
    and communicating, and once we start
  • 00:53:07
    feeding fantasies and all that stuff,
  • 00:53:10
    it affects our libido.
  • 00:53:13
    There is such a thing as, Marvin Gaye is right.
  • 00:53:15
    Marvin Gaye is right.
  • 00:53:16
    There is such a thing as sexual healing.
  • 00:53:19
    But most of the times we can't have sex
  • 00:53:24
    and just overcome our difficulties.
  • 00:53:26
    Most of the times it's more complicated.
  • 00:53:28
    It's longer relationships,
  • 00:53:30
    it's longer conversations.
  • 00:53:31
    It's open vulnerability for that.
  • 00:53:36
    But I have a heart for because I've talked
  • 00:53:38
    with enough couples for what USA Today calls
  • 00:53:41
    the sexless marriages.
  • 00:53:43
    Here's what the marriages look like
  • 00:53:44
    where there isn't a sex in it.
  • 00:53:45
    40% feel less confident,
  • 00:53:48
    60% increased emotional distance,
  • 00:53:52
    70% less satisfied,
  • 00:53:54
    10% infidelity reported. Reported.
  • 00:53:56
    There's more infidelity than that.
  • 00:53:58
    Emotional distance,
  • 00:54:00
    7% reported pornography addiction.
  • 00:54:02
    They reported it.
  • 00:54:05
    Of course, people use pornography every week,
  • 00:54:07
    go online. It's never an addiction.
  • 00:54:08
    So that's a very, very low because
  • 00:54:12
    trying to act out, trying to get where we need to go,
  • 00:54:14
    there's never healthy outcomes
  • 00:54:16
    when we are seeing what God wants
  • 00:54:19
    and going in the opposite direction.
  • 00:54:21
    Bad sex, likewise, it drains us.
  • 00:54:25
    Bad sex drains us.
  • 00:54:26
    Let's go back to 1 Corinthians 10. Here's what it says:
  • 00:54:49
    There is a moment if you want to be faithful
  • 00:54:53
    to God, which means taking your sexual urges,
  • 00:54:56
    your sexual passions to Him,
  • 00:54:57
    place them before Him and saying,
  • 00:54:58
    "What do you want me to do with these?
  • 00:55:00
    What do I do with this stuff?
  • 00:55:01
    How do I honor You in the relationship?"
  • 00:55:04
    We have to realize it's going to be
  • 00:55:05
    an ongoing battle to be chaste
  • 00:55:07
    if we're not married.
  • 00:55:09
    Just like if you are married,
  • 00:55:11
    it's going to be an ongoing battle
  • 00:55:13
    to stay fresh sexually and an ongoing battle
  • 00:55:16
    to not have an affair on your spouse.
  • 00:55:17
    All of us, we're in a battle.
  • 00:55:20
    All of us, if you want to be faithful to God,
  • 00:55:22
    it's going to be difficult.
  • 00:55:24
    There's going to be pitfalls,
  • 00:55:25
    and people will tell you it's unhealthy
  • 00:55:27
    to suppress those urges. It's unhealthy.
  • 00:55:30
    Oh, no, no, it's unhealthy to listen to
  • 00:55:33
    the world's view of sexuality
  • 00:55:35
    that's not bringing us life.
  • 00:55:37
    Maybe that's related to our mental health crisis.
  • 00:55:39
    Maybe it's related to our divisiveness
  • 00:55:41
    with one another.
  • 00:55:42
    Maybe it's related to us taking more meds
  • 00:55:45
    to feel at peace and less anxiety.
  • 00:55:47
    Maybe all -- I'm saying is this,
  • 00:55:49
    should we be taking cues from our culture
  • 00:55:52
    on anything about personal health?
  • 00:55:54
    I don't think so.
  • 00:56:00
    What this verse says here is that God is aware
  • 00:56:03
    how difficult it is, and He will make a way for us.
  • 00:56:08
    There's things that we say that aren't in the Bible.
  • 00:56:10
    Here's one: God will never give you
  • 00:56:12
    anything that you can't handle.
  • 00:56:15
    I hear people say that.
  • 00:56:16
    I'm like, no, it's not true.
  • 00:56:18
    A lot of things come your way you can't handle.
  • 00:56:20
    You're going to die of something you can't handle.
  • 00:56:22
    You're going to die. It's going to be horrible.
  • 00:56:29
    The people who got crucified for their faith
  • 00:56:32
    are the people, there have been people
  • 00:56:34
    who recanted their faith
  • 00:56:35
    right before they were crucified.
  • 00:56:39
    It's not true. Sorry. You're going to have pain.
  • 00:56:41
    It's a matter of when it is.
  • 00:56:42
    And hopefully you'll get through it by the grace of God.
  • 00:56:44
    But don't say I'm not going to have any pain.
  • 00:56:46
    I'm not going to have that happen,
  • 00:56:47
    because God's not going to give me anything
  • 00:56:49
    I can't handle because I can't handle that.
  • 00:56:51
    Here's what this means, and it's in the context of it.
  • 00:56:53
    It's in the context of sexual temptation.
  • 00:56:55
    It says that you can say no to sexual temptation,
  • 00:56:59
    because God's going to make sure you don't have
  • 00:57:01
    anything come to you sexually you can't handle.
  • 00:57:03
    Meaning you may have some sexual fantasy
  • 00:57:06
    of some person coming and knocking on your door,
  • 00:57:08
    or some people coming and knocking your door
  • 00:57:11
    that you know that you cannot say no
  • 00:57:13
    to that sexual temptation.
  • 00:57:15
    Good news is they're never going to know about you.
  • 00:57:19
    Second thing is, if they see you,
  • 00:57:20
    they're not going to be attracted to you at all.
  • 00:57:23
    Third thing, if they're attracted to you,
  • 00:57:25
    they want to have sex with you,
  • 00:57:26
    they're not going to be able to find your house.
  • 00:57:28
    Or if they find your house, they ring the doorbell.
  • 00:57:31
    God's going to make sure the doorbell doesn't ring.
  • 00:57:34
    Or if it does ring and they get inside
  • 00:57:37
    just before you connect,
  • 00:57:39
    your grandmother's going to call you.
  • 00:57:42
    And then if your grandmother doesn't call you,
  • 00:57:45
    you are going to have the strength to say
  • 00:57:47
    to yourself, "I thought I was. No, I'm not going.
  • 00:57:50
    No, I'm not going to do it. Nope, nope, nope, nope."
  • 00:57:54
    You and I are not animals.
  • 00:57:55
    We're created in the image of God.
  • 00:57:58
    We have the capacity to make decisions
  • 00:58:00
    that other animals don't.
  • 00:58:03
    My cat, Frank, he does not have the capacity
  • 00:58:06
    to stop scratching my couch.
  • 00:58:08
    I can't train him. I just can't.
  • 00:58:10
    I've told him I'm plucking his freaking claws out
  • 00:58:13
    or giving him to somebody.
  • 00:58:15
    I can't. Of course she loves Frank.
  • 00:58:17
    I can't. I can't. He cannot stop his urge
  • 00:58:20
    to do this on soft things.
  • 00:58:23
    We have a female dog, Peanut, right now.
  • 00:58:25
    We've had three male dogs before.
  • 00:58:27
    If you've ever had a male dog,
  • 00:58:28
    we neuter them immediately. Why is that?
  • 00:58:31
    It's because male dogs, doesn't matter
  • 00:58:33
    how you train them, when there's a bitch in heat,
  • 00:58:36
    they're on her all the time.
  • 00:58:38
    By the way, it's a scientific canine term.
  • 00:58:40
    Don't give me grief about that.
  • 00:58:41
    They can't say no to their urges.
  • 00:58:45
    It's not possible.
  • 00:58:46
    They smell the thing when at the time of the month.
  • 00:58:48
    And you can't. You can't.
  • 00:58:50
    You and I are different.
  • 00:58:52
    We can say no to things that we feel,
  • 00:58:56
    we can not act on things that we want to do.
  • 00:58:59
    God's given you those capacities.
  • 00:59:03
    This is when we realize that
  • 00:59:05
    God isn't a philosophy.
  • 00:59:07
    He's not a belief system.
  • 00:59:10
    He is a person who wants a love relationship
  • 00:59:13
    with you and I.
  • 00:59:15
    And there's a strength that we can draw on with that,
  • 00:59:18
    you and I can withdraw from sexual temptations.
  • 00:59:28
    When Lib and I were dating, she came up into --
  • 00:59:34
    I don't know how I went so fast today,
  • 00:59:36
    I went fast, this service.
  • 00:59:38
    Did I talk faster or did I leave stuff out?
  • 00:59:40
    Let me see.
  • 00:59:42
    Maybe I didn't leave in the offensive things.
  • 00:59:44
    Let's see if I can find them.
  • 00:59:47
    No, I just I'm getting crisper.
  • 00:59:49
    Okay, fine. All right.
  • 00:59:55
    When I was dating Lib, I was a slob.
  • 01:00:00
    And when she would come over to my apartment,
  • 01:00:02
    she'd tidy up. I told her, "Don't, stop. Stop."
  • 01:00:05
    She couldn't help herself because it's disgusting
  • 01:00:08
    that I would seriously take plates
  • 01:00:12
    and throw them away and buy new ones
  • 01:00:14
    before I would clean plates. True story.
  • 01:00:18
    So she would see the the sink mounded up
  • 01:00:22
    and she, "Stop. Stop."
  • 01:00:23
    She couldn't help herself.
  • 01:00:24
    I was a slob, I was horrible.
  • 01:00:26
    And one day she ventured up into the bedroom
  • 01:00:29
    to clean that up and she noticed that on
  • 01:00:35
    the nightstand was a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue,
  • 01:00:41
    because I figured I could walk out of the Stop and Go.
  • 01:00:44
    That's what they called them in Pittsburgh,
  • 01:00:46
    the Stop and Go.
  • 01:00:47
    I could walk out of the Stop and Go
  • 01:00:49
    with the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition
  • 01:00:50
    that wasn't stuffed in a paper sack,
  • 01:00:52
    and I wouldn't be a perv.
  • 01:00:54
    And those pages, those pages were well worn.
  • 01:00:59
    And she put two and two together,
  • 01:01:01
    and she understandably and justifiably,
  • 01:01:04
    was not happy, she felt, you know, belittled,
  • 01:01:09
    not valued, concerned like about my character
  • 01:01:13
    and saying things like,
  • 01:01:16
    which were totally understandable at that place,
  • 01:01:19
    "And you want -- you're in ministry,
  • 01:01:20
    you want to go into ministry?"
  • 01:01:22
    And understandably read the riot act
  • 01:01:25
    and was hurt and offended.
  • 01:01:27
    And then she brought it up the next day,
  • 01:01:31
    and then the next week, and then the next month.
  • 01:01:37
    And I said to her, "I'm glad
  • 01:01:42
    Jesus isn't anything like you."
  • 01:01:47
    And she understood what I meant.
  • 01:01:51
    Romans says that there is therefore now
  • 01:01:54
    no condemnation for anyone who is in Christ.
  • 01:01:56
    That means and that's because when He comes to you
  • 01:02:01
    and He enters you, and you become one with Him,
  • 01:02:05
    when you go to see Him whenever that is,
  • 01:02:08
    and maybe sooner than you think,
  • 01:02:10
    He doesn't see all of your sin.
  • 01:02:13
    He doesn't see all of your sexual slip ups.
  • 01:02:16
    He doesn't see all of your selfish.
  • 01:02:17
    He doesn't see all of your stuff.
  • 01:02:19
    He sees Jesus because He's in you.
  • 01:02:21
    He's one. He can't separate it.
  • 01:02:23
    He sees you, and He can't condemn Himself.
  • 01:02:25
    That's the good news of the grace of Jesus Christ,
  • 01:02:28
    that it's His life and not my life,
  • 01:02:31
    and my life is His life because He's in me.
  • 01:02:33
    Am I getting this? That's why --
  • 01:02:36
    Why would I want to take Jesus
  • 01:02:38
    to do something He doesn't want to do?
  • 01:02:40
    He wouldn't want to do that.
  • 01:02:42
    No one ever comes out of a masturbation session
  • 01:02:45
    going, "Whoa, man, I feel closer to God now.
  • 01:02:47
    Wow. Awesome."
  • 01:02:49
    Nobody, nobody ever has seen walking out of
  • 01:02:53
    the place where they've been living with somebody
  • 01:02:55
    for five years and say,
  • 01:02:56
    "Oh man, that really inspires me.
  • 01:02:57
    Those people have been living there for five years."
  • 01:03:00
    That doesn't doesn't inspire us.
  • 01:03:01
    Someone who's been married for 50 years,
  • 01:03:04
    that inspires us. Wow.
  • 01:03:06
    Someone actually declared it and committed to it
  • 01:03:09
    and is doing it for years and decades.
  • 01:03:12
    That's inspiring. Why is it inspiring?
  • 01:03:15
    It's because it tells us something about God.
  • 01:03:17
    We don't even know it, that's what God is to us,
  • 01:03:21
    faithful and in us and with us.
  • 01:03:25
    And Lib knew when I said that that it was
  • 01:03:27
    a breaking point, because she's experienced
  • 01:03:29
    that same grace too, and that never came up again.
  • 01:03:33
    An amazing wife of of grace because she knows
  • 01:03:38
    her God is a God of grace too.
  • 01:03:40
    He's over your stuff.
  • 01:03:42
    He doesn't care what you did last night.
  • 01:03:43
    He cares about it, but he's not going to
  • 01:03:45
    hold it over your relationship. Hold over you.
  • 01:03:47
    He understands the urges you feel,
  • 01:03:49
    whatever those urges are.
  • 01:03:51
    He's not frightened by it. He's not afraid of it.
  • 01:03:54
    He's not even defining you by it.
  • 01:03:57
    He wants to walk it through with you.
  • 01:03:59
    But He is a God of grace.
  • 01:04:01
    I'll give it to you again.
  • 01:04:03
    The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger.
  • 01:04:11
    He doesn't just have love, He abounds in love.
  • 01:04:16
    Not just abounding love,
  • 01:04:17
    He abounds in steadfast love.
  • 01:04:19
    Always there, always there. Always there.
  • 01:04:21
    Thick and thin. Thick and thin he's with you.
  • 01:04:23
    Rich or poor. He's with you in sickness and in health.
  • 01:04:26
    He's with you in high times and low times,
  • 01:04:28
    poor times, impoverished times,
  • 01:04:30
    lonely times and extroverted times. He's with you.
  • 01:04:33
    He doesn't leave you whether you feel it or not.
  • 01:04:36
    He's present and He loves you.
  • 01:04:38
    And that is what inspires us
  • 01:04:41
    or should inspire us to love Him with my sex life,
  • 01:04:45
    whatever it looks like or whatever it doesn't look like.
  • 01:04:49
    He's good and He wants to be married to you.
  • 01:04:52
    We're going to sing to Him,
  • 01:04:54
    but let's pray before we do that.
  • 01:04:56
    God, You're worthy of every song we sing
  • 01:05:00
    and You're worthy of our life,
  • 01:05:03
    and You're worthy of us bending our desires
  • 01:05:08
    and our life toward You, that's what we want to do.
  • 01:05:13
    And we are living in awesome appreciation
  • 01:05:18
    of Your steadfast love as we stand against
  • 01:05:21
    our shame and turn and walk the other way.
  • 01:05:25
    We pray these things according to
  • 01:05:26
    the name of Jesus. Amen.
  • 01:12:15
    - Hey, we'd always love to connect with you
  • 01:12:18
    personally and pray for you, especially
  • 01:12:20
    if something from today's message is hitting home.
  • 01:12:23
    You can easily chat with us at crossroads.net
  • 01:12:26
    or send us an email at anywhere@crossroads.net
  • 01:12:29
    and we would love to talk with you.
  • 01:12:32
    We also want to equip you with more resources
  • 01:12:34
    to dive deeper into these topics from today,
  • 01:12:37
    and throughout the series,
  • 01:12:38
    that will help you grow spiritually.
  • 01:12:41
    So text "Thirsty" to 301301
  • 01:12:44
    to get a link of resources
  • 01:12:46
    or to check out our different articles, podcasts
  • 01:12:49
    and book recommendations in the Crossroads App.
  • 01:12:53
    Hey, one thing I want to let you know of
  • 01:12:54
    that's coming up, this October we're kicking off
  • 01:12:58
    an important series that will change
  • 01:13:00
    the future of Crossroads.
  • 01:13:02
    Everyone will need a printed guide,
  • 01:13:04
    and we will mail these to the Anywhere community
  • 01:13:07
    in the next couple of weeks.
  • 01:13:08
    So please do me a favor
  • 01:13:09
    and head to crossroads.net/Anywhere
  • 01:13:12
    and let us know how many of these guides
  • 01:13:15
    you will need for the adults in your family
  • 01:13:17
    by September 1st.
  • 01:13:19
    If you live near a Crossroads building,
  • 01:13:22
    you'll grab one in person when those come up
  • 01:13:24
    as we are unable to mail these locally.
  • 01:13:27
    So seriously, head to crossroads.net/Anywhere
  • 01:13:30
    right now and sign up to receive
  • 01:13:32
    a physical copy of the guide books.
  • 01:13:34
    And they are free, you just need to sign up.
  • 01:13:37
    Hey, as always, thank you for joining us
  • 01:13:39
    and we'll see you back right here next week.

Process, journal or discuss the themes of this article - here's a few questions to get the ball rolling...

Welcome to the Weekend-Follow Up! This is the group part of the Bible Challenge, so your questions are based on specific Bible passages from the weekend message. Each week, your group will discover what God might be saying to you, and how you can respond through a group discussion.

  1. What are you looking forward to this fall season, and why? If you say pumpkin spice lattes, we won’t judge.

  2. What stood out to you most from the message?

  3. Is there an area of your life you thought would be easier, but ended up taking more practice? How did you take a step forward?

  4. Reflect on a moment when you hit a wall in a relationship because you both had different expectations. What was your response?

  5. Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. What makes it difficult to live out these verses in your relationship(s)? How do you see hope in these verses?

  6. Where could you use forgiveness and a second chance?

  7. What does it look like for you to take one step this week to show love and build connection with someone (marriage, friendship, God)?

  8. Let’s end our time praying together. You can say something like, “God, thank You for being the ultimate example of love. Give us strength to love those around us, to connect and be intentional with others. We need Your hope. Amen.”

More from the Weekend

Bonus Questions! Check these out if you’re on a roll and want to go a little deeper.

  • Where do you find it difficult to share and be vulnerable with those close to you (in marriage or otherwise)? How would you like to see healing in this area?
  • Share a time when you worked through a problem with someone. How did that encourage you for the future of that relationship?

0 people are discussing these questions

(This stuff helps us figure out how many fruitcakes to make come December)

You must include at least one person

Got it! Enjoy your discussion.


Aug 24, 2024 1 hr 13 mins 42 sec

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