God Is Stronger Than Your Internet Habit

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- What does it feel like to be thirsty,

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real thirsty?

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Like walking across a desert for a month thirsty?

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Imagine yourself in the last row

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of a four hour flight,

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and the drink cart is stuck in first class,

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or you're running mile 15 of 26,

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your mouth dry, your body craving relief,

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and the next water station is nowhere in sight.

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Maybe you're stuck in summer traffic,

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the AC is broken and the humidity is 100%,

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your exit is 30 minutes away.

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Feel the dryness in your throat,

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the discomfort as your tongue swells.

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Out of nowhere, a glass appears and fills with cool water.

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Take a drink.

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Feel the desperation leave your body

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as your thirst is relieved.

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Jesus once had an encounter with a woman

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who was trying to get a drink. He said to her:

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Jesus uses the physical reality of being thirsty

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to show the profound spiritual truth

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that the soul of every human is dry and barren,

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and He is our relief from drought.

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The woman replied to Jesus, "Sir,

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give me this water so that I won't get thirsty."

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Where are you experiencing drought in your life?

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Where is the ground so dry and cracked

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that nothing can grow?

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Invite Jesus into that place.

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Give Him permission to be

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the spring of water in your life.

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Be as bold as the woman at the well and say,

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"Jesus, give me the water you promised

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so that I won't get thirsty again."

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- It's a powerful image to think about that, right?

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What if you were to walk up to Jesus?

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What do you think he would do?

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Would He be excited to see you?

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Would He welcome you in?

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Would He want to talk about parts of your life?

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Maybe you're in here today and you heard that song

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and thought, "Man, if I showed up

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at the feet of Jesus, He would ask me to leave.

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That's what I'm pretty sure."

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Well, I have good news for you today,

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that's actually not what happens.

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We're going to examine a story in the Bible.

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A woman who thought that's what would happen

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if God ever found her,

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if He ever read her report card,

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surely He would reject her.

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That's not what He did.

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He did something far, far better.

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He gave her life.

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Our hope today is that that's what happens for you.

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No matter who you are, what you believe

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walking in here today, we're pumped that you're here.

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By the way, my name is Kyle.

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I'm the lead pastor here at Crossroads.

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We're just so glad that you're with us.

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If you would just take a moment, turn around,

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say hi to someone around you. Glad you're here.

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- Hey, welcome back to another weekly service

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here at Crossroads. I'm Robbie.

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- And I'm Avery.

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- And we're worship leaders here at Crossroads.

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Crossroads is one church with many locations

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meeting physically and digitally all over the world,

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and we believe that you can fully belong

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to our church even if you're not located

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near one of our physical church buildings,

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say, Bismarck.

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- Just a couple weeks ago, 150 of you

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joined us in Cincinnati, Ohio, for worship,

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teaching, and community with people

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literally all around the globe.

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Robbie and I got to be a part of it

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on Friday night as we worshiped with you.

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And our hope is that you went home

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feeling refreshed and more connected to your church.

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- If you're new to Crossroads Anywhere,

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we'd love to meet you and help you

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get connected to this community.

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You can simply text Anywhere to 301301,

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and we're going to send you

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some cool free t-shirts and stuff

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and help you understand what it looks like

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to belong to our church, regardless of where you live.

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- One of our best tools for engaging

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with our church anywhere you are is our Crossroads app.

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The app is designed to help you grow with Jesus.

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You can use it to watch our weekly services,

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connect with God daily through Scripture,

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pray for others in our church community,

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and so much more.

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- One way to grow is through giving.

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Each week we worship through music,

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but we also believe that generosity

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and trusting God with your money

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is in itself an act of worship, of saying to God,

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"I love You and I trust You with everything."

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If you've been impacted by this place

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or consider Crossroads your local church,

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you can give in the app

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or go to crossroads.net/give.

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- If you're new to this experience,

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we are about to hear from one of

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our teaching pastors in our current series, Thirsty.

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And if you usually have little kids around

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when you're watching or listening,

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we want to warn you that some mature topics

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will be the focal point of the teaching this week.

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- Parents, please use your discretion

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on if this is the right content

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for your whole family to receive.

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But know we've made amazing digital content

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specifically for kids aged ten and under.

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You can find it in our app or simply search

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Crossroads Kids' Club on YouTube.

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And all of our content for middle schoolers

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and high schoolers can be found at crossroads.net/watch.

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- Right now we're going to hear from

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our lead pastor Kyle Ranson. Thanks for joining us.

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- So refreshing.

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Nothing is more satisfying than natural pure water

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flowing from nature's bosom.

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When you reach for a drink to quench your thirst,

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make sure it is water.

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[FX explosion]

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Don't drink from some dysentery ridden

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raccoon swimming pool.

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- Nature sucks.

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- You need a drink that says, "I'm here to party

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and I might have just swallowed a cicada.

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- Cicada.

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- Something that'll swell your tongue

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and make your insides glow in the dark.

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- Radiation. - Nature.

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- Cicada. - Radiation.

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You need Thirsty. - Thirsty.

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- A drink designed by scientists

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at a lab in the basement of your mom's house.

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It's full of all kinds of things you can't spell:

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So the next time you got a thirst,

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grab the drink that will do absolutely nothing for you.

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- Thirsty.

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- It comes in six flavors that aren't real flavors.

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- Six flavors.

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- Thirsty.

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-The drink that will leave you wanting more.

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[FX explosion]

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- Ridiculous. It's also true, though, right?

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That's energy drinks.

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We're recognizing this series, Thirsty, by the way,

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that more and more things are promising

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to quench our thirst.

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Energy drinks chief among them.

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I drink Celsius. Anybody else a Celsius fan?

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Love Celsius. So great.

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It makes some bold claims, though.

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I don't know if you've read it lately.

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It says it accelerates metabolism, asterisk;

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burns body fat, asterisk.

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Literally right before this service

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I read with the asteroid goes to

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and it says it does burn body fat

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if combined with a healthy diet and exercise.

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So just being honest about that right there.

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That's what it is, right?

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All these things claim to benefit us,

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claim to help us.

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Me, I just kind of like water.

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I'm kind of a water guy.

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It's definitely changed,

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I don't know if you've noticed this.

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It's changed over the last few decades.

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It's like summer sports conditioning season.

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You've got football teams out there,

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soccer teams running laps, all that kind of stuff.

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When I was a kid, we, at summer conditioning

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tried to not drink water.

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The idea was if you drank too much,

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you'd become dependent on it.

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You know what I mean? It'd like make you weak.

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And so you try not to.

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You'd run for three hours, you go over to the sidelines,

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you take a little, little drink of water,

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you'd spit it out, just get it out of your water.

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Now, kids drink so much water.

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This is my son's actual water bottle.

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This would be enough water for a family of 4 in 1995.

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Okay? I can't emphasize enough

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how much this has changed.

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Water is everywhere.

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It makes sense.

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It turns out that it's pretty important,

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which makes kind of modern times and the Bible

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actually agree on something.

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The Bible in the very beginning talks about water.

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In fact, in the very first scene in the Bible,

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inside the first two verses,

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the thing that's mentioned is water.

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It says this in Genesis 1:1-2:

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Thousands of years later, science would catch up

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and discover that it turns out water is the key to life.

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Literally, if you want to look for life

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on other planets, the thing you look for is water.

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It's the source. It's the beginning.

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It's the key.

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Water has two ingredients, by the way.

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It has hydrogen, two of those and then oxygen.

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You need both of them to make water.

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And we need it in order to live.

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Now, you and I, in a metaphorical sense,

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we spend our lives looking for water,

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for the thing that will satisfy and quench our thirst,

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our thirst for validation, our thirst for purpose,

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our thirst for belonging.

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We look and we look and we look.

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But see, we humans, we have this problem, don't we?

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It's that even though we're thirsty,

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we go looking for a drink.

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And oftentimes what we find

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is not the thing that refreshes us,

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but it ends up being something like

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a broken cistern rather than life giving water

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or well that we were looking for.

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There's these moments in the Bible

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where God kind of pulls back and He goes like,

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"Let me just give you a summary statement

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of what's happening just so you guys can understand,

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just in case you're missing the big picture,

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I'm going to give you the big picture."

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One of those places is in Jeremiah 2:13

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where God says this. He goes:

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God says, "Look, I'm the living water.

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I can satisfy every need that you have.

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But you, you guys keep drinking from broken cisterns."

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Which sets up this fork in the road for us

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and this fundamental truth.

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See, some things in life give us life,

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and some take our life.

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And oftentimes they actually present themselves

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in the exact same way, it can be difficult to tell.

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I've been watching the Olympics a lot lately.

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Love the Olympics, love the changes this year.

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Lots of great changes.

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We got breakdancing in the Olympics now,

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did you notice that? Pretty cool.

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Three on three basketball.

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I thought that was only played in driveways.

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That's awesome. Love it.

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I'm looking forward to

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cornhole probably at the next one.

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I don't know what else we're going to do.

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Tetherball. Something cool.

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But my favorite part of the Olympics though

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are the commercials, specifically for Michelob Ultra.

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Man, I love them, so great.

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Every commercial is the same.

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It's this group of, like, wildly attractive people

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working out, you know, running a marathon,

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doing CrossFit stuff or whatever.

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And when they get done,

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they're just glistening in sweat.

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I don't look that way when I'm done, by the way.

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It looks very different.

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They're glistening and they run in

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and they sit down and they do the only smart thing

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to recover from their exercise,

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they get a Mich Ultra, [FX].

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The Gatorade of beers and drink it down.

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And I think this is what I should do.

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But do you know that beer, even Mich Ultra

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doesn't hydrate you at all.

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It's really dumb to drink it after a workout.

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It dehydrates you.

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See, the tricky part with these broken cisterns

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is that they often show up in our lives

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and, like, "Hey, you know what? I'm good for you.

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I'm awesome for you.

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You're not hurting anybody by engaging in this.

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It's all -- it's all good."

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Now, Jesus early in His ministry, He was thirsty.

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He actually got thirsty,

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and there was no Mich Ultra anywhere to find.

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So He went to a well, a public well.

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But He didn't have what you needed at a public well.

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You needed like this rope and a bucket

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to drop it all the way down

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and to get the water out.

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And so He sat by the well just waiting.

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And this is the scene that played out.

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John 4:6 says:

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At that moment the woman's got to be like,

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"What? Excuse me? You know, what are you --

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What are you talking about, crazy guy?"

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She says this:

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She's mocking Him.

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"He gave us the well and he drank from it himself,

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as did his sons and his livestock."

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Jesus said to her, "Everyone who drinks this water

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will be thirsty again.

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Whoever drinks the water that I give him

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will never be thirsty again.

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The water that I give him will become in him

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a spring of water welling up to eternal life."

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Jesus in this moment, He uses the language from Jeremiah.

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He goes back and he goes, "You know what,

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that living water that God says that you've left,

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that He is, that's me. I'm the living water.

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And you can have it."

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He's offering this gift, incredible gift of grace.

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Now, the woman's response we don't know.

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The Bible doesn't have emojis.

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And I wish that it did, right?

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Because then I feel like I would know

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what people were saying rather than just the language.

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I'm going to give you two options for her response next.

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The first is the non-sarcastic option.

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Maybe she was genuinely like, "Okay, awesome,

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I'll take it." And it would sound like this.

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No, I don't think that's what she actually said.

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I think it was more like the sarcastic version,

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which would be like this

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with the eyeroll emoji at the end.

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Yeah. Friggin' right. Eye roll emoji.

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I think that's her attitude in this moment.

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You know? This this crazy guy shows up,

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makes you this crazy offer and he's nice enough.

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But clearly he's like got a screw loose

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or something up in there. Right?

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And so this is what happens next,

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not what she expects.

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Because Jesus suddenly, this crazy guy,

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this nice guy, offered living water,

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all of a sudden he completely changes gears on her,

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and he starts telling her about her own life

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and pointing out her own broken cisterns.

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Now I want you to pay really close attention here,

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because this kind of a response

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is almost like unfathomable. You know?

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Just imagine meeting a stranger who tells this to you.

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And it can read very harsh.

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It can read condemning.

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But I want you to notice Jesus doesn't condemn her.

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He doesn't shame her.

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In fact, He doesn't use a single adjective

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attached to any fact.

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He just plays back the truth of her life

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and it changes everything. Everything.

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She starts asking Him questions, different types of questions.

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All of a sudden it's not the sarcastic responses.

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She starts asking Him spiritual level questions

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to figure out who is this guy.

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This is her response. She says:

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Now this moment, this is critical to understand.

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This moment is the first time Jesus ever tells

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anyone that He's the Messiah, ever.

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And it's to a woman from an enemy nation,

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people group He wasn't supposed to associate with.

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That's who he tells that He's the Messiah to.

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And she and she runs off.

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See, living water fundamentally changed her.

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That wasn't what she's expecting from her day,

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but it changed her.

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Just like water has two ingredients:

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hydrogen and oxygen,

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living water has two ingredients:

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Grace, I have something to offer you, and truth.

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But you got to look in the mirror,

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I got to show you what's going on in your life.

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Both of them at the same exact time.

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And that's critical for me to understand

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right up front from the go of this service.

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Because in this series and today you will hear truth.

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You will have to walk up to the truth of your own life.

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But I don't want you to hear condemnation

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or judgment or shame,

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because there's grace on the other side of it,

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if you're willing to hang in.

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See, there's broken cisterns in our lives,

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and some of us,

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we've been drinking from them for so long,

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we don't think there's actually any other option.

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Others of us, we've been drinking from them

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for so long, we don't even realize the poison

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that we're taking in or what it's doing to us.

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This series, though, is designed to give you

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freedom and something better,

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the living water that leads to life.

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You might not have five husbands like she had,

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but you've got a broken cistern, I know you do.

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And today we're going to start off with one

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that is, I think, very broken for many people.

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It's the broken cistern of sex.

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Some of you are like, "Oh, thirsty.

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You didn't know what you were doing with that title.

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Okay, cool. Yeah. Got it."

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Yeah, we did. Starting off with sex,

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and specifically inside of sex,

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what I believe is the number one fastest growing

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broken system in the world right now, pornography.

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And if you hear that word,

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I know there's somebody in here.

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You hear me say that, and you're like,

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"Oh, it's time to go.

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I did not actually want to be at church today."

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And somebody else you're watching online,

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you're like, click, "I'm out of the video."

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My encouragement is stay, is stay.

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You can be free and there is something better.

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And for others of you, you might be in here

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and you're like, 'That's not something I struggle with."

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Well, I promise the closest people in your life,

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they probably do.

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And so today we'll equip you to help them find freedom.

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And that's what we're after.

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We're after freedom and life today for all of us.

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Let's pray before we go any further.

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God, thank You so much for the truth

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of Your Scripture, and thank You so much

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for the grace that's offered.

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And I ask today that my words would be living water,

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Your living water for people,

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that we would all hear and receive You

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and take a step into that freedom

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that You have for us. Amen.

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Now, today is about sex, but I have to give you a warning.

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When I talk about sex, it doesn't always go well.

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Okay? There's a number of years ago,

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we were in the van driving,

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and the question came from the back seat.

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You know the question how are babies made?

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All the kids are in the car.

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Me and Sarah were in the car.

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And this moment happens, and I immediately hear

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the voice of my mentor,

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our senior pastor Brian Tome click in.

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And Brian has done an amazing job of helping me

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as a dad, as a parent.

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And one of the things he had told me was,

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"Hey, when it comes to sex and kids,

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you want to be first to market. Okay?

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So the moment they ask a question,

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the moment they show any interest,

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you just got to jump in and give it all to them.

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Don't hold back.

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Just tell them all the stuff, right?"

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I was like, okay.

00:22:55

So the moment comes and Sarah and I,

00:22:57

we talked about this, right?

00:22:58

And so the question comes to the back seat

00:23:00

how are babies made?

00:23:01

I'm driving. She's next to me.

00:23:02

I look over to her and I'm like, '

00:23:03

"All right, we're in this together."

00:23:05

You know, I do this, and she leaves me hanging.

00:23:07

She's like, "I am out."

00:23:09

Literally, she goes, "You're on your own."

00:23:11

And then looks out the window.

00:23:14

Okay, cool. Well, I'm a professional communicator,

00:23:17

you know how bad can this be, right?

00:23:19

That's what I figure in my mind.

00:23:20

And so I start talking and I tell them,

00:23:22

you know, all the facts

00:23:23

and how all the bits and the pieces work

00:23:25

and all this stuff, you know,

00:23:26

and I get to the end of it and I say,

00:23:28

"Do you have any questions?"

00:23:30

And they go, no. Oh, okay. Awesome. Great. Yeah.

00:23:33

Turn back on the music, driving the van,

00:23:35

go home, put them to bed, whatever.

00:23:36

Next morning I wake up, have my coffee.

00:23:40

Just sitting there waiting for

00:23:41

my dad of the year trophy to arrive in the mail

00:23:43

because of how good I did at this, right?

00:23:45

Just thrilled with myself.

00:23:47

And my daughter, my precious baby daughter,

00:23:50

she comes walking down the stairs.

00:23:51

And she walks up to me and she says, "Daddy?"

00:23:54

I said, "Yeah, baby girl."

00:23:55

She goes, "I do not want to get married."

00:24:01

I said, "Why don't you want to get married, baby girl?"

00:24:04

She goes, "I do not want someone to pee-pee in my butt."

00:24:09

And that's the moment I realized

00:24:12

it probably didn't go as well as I thought.

00:24:16

So anyway, if you want your kids

00:24:18

to be confused about sex, I'm available.

00:24:21

You can call me up. I'll walk them through it.

00:24:23

You know, get most of the way there.

00:24:26

It's gonna be fine.

00:24:27

Very confused about that.

00:24:29

We had some work to do afterwards.

00:24:31

Now, when it comes to this topic of sex

00:24:33

and pornography, I think the world is confused.

00:24:36

We're actually very confused.

00:24:37

I mean, I mean, what is it?

00:24:39

Is it even -- Is it even bad?

00:24:41

I think that's a question

00:24:42

that's increasingly common, by the way.

00:24:45

What do we do with this?

00:24:46

I mean, is it something --

00:24:48

I think we can all agree that an addiction

00:24:50

to pornography, that's probably not good,

00:24:52

that's probably not healthy.

00:24:53

But what about something less than that?

00:24:55

I mean, is it like alcohol where

00:24:57

and used in moderation, there's a safe

00:25:00

and healthy place for it?

00:25:01

Or is it like heroin where you go, "No,

00:25:02

there's no moderate use of that. That's not okay."

00:25:04

Does it help a marriage?

00:25:06

Does it take pressure off of a spouse

00:25:09

to have sex maybe more often than they want?

00:25:11

Or does it damage a marriage?

00:25:13

Does it hurt no one except for me,

00:25:15

or does it hurt everyone around me?

00:25:17

There are real questions with this.

00:25:19

This poll is going back a few years,

00:25:21

but I think it puts it pretty well.

00:25:22

This is from Gallup in 2018.

00:25:24

It says more than 4 in 10 Americans, that's 43%,

00:25:28

now say pornography is morally acceptable,

00:25:31

a 7% increase from last year.

00:25:35

What does that mean?

00:25:37

Well, it means if you're in here

00:25:38

and you hear me say the word pornography

00:25:40

or porn and you're like, "Is that even bad?"

00:25:42

I just want you to know, that's okay,

00:25:44

that that puts you kind of

00:25:46

in like half the country right now.

00:25:47

We're not really sure what to think about it.

00:25:49

And you're welcome here

00:25:51

and you're welcome to ask questions.

00:25:53

And in this place, it's a church,

00:25:54

so hopefully you're not surprised,

00:25:56

I will tell you what I think the Bible says

00:25:58

and what God says about it.

00:25:59

But I actually don't want to start there

00:26:01

to answer this question of what is it

00:26:03

and is it good for us?

00:26:05

What's going on with porn?

00:26:06

Instead I just want to look at some stats.

00:26:08

Now you can do this on your own.

00:26:10

You can look at stats if you'd like to.

00:26:12

They're everywhere, by the way.

00:26:13

When you Google this Google porn stats, not just porn,

00:26:17

that will take you to different stuff

00:26:18

you don't want. So pornography stats.

00:26:21

Here are some I collected for us.

00:26:22

Do you know that 50% of 11-13 year olds

00:26:24

report having seen porn, 50%.

00:26:27

If you're in here and you're a parent,

00:26:29

chances are your child has seen pornography already.

00:26:34

57% of men ages 30-49 have watched porn in the last month.

00:26:38

78% said they watch porn on some regular basis.

00:26:41

Porn sites have more visitors every single month

00:26:44

than Netflix, Amazon and Twitter combined.

00:26:48

This used to be something, by the way,

00:26:50

that was more of a male dominated issue,

00:26:52

but unfortunately, now it's becoming something

00:26:54

that's more of an equal opportunity offender.

00:26:56

According to Pornhubs' last stats that they released,

00:26:58

which they stopped doing this after their 2019 annual report,

00:27:02

32% of hits to their site were from women.

00:27:08

That's crazy to me.

00:27:09

35% of males are compulsive users.

00:27:11

78% of 16 and 17 year olds have reported seeing porn.

00:27:15

17% of women now report being compulsive users of pornography.

00:27:19

It is everywhere. And what does that mean?

00:27:23

Well, it means that it's normal, actually,

00:27:25

is what it means. It's normal.

00:27:27

Which I think is part of what contributes

00:27:29

to this confusion of maybe it's okay

00:27:32

because if everybody is doing it,

00:27:34

it can't possibly be bad, can it?

00:27:37

Well, it doesn't take a long look at history books

00:27:39

to figure out that that doesn't actually

00:27:41

lead to good outcomes, that kind of logic.

00:27:44

Well, everybody else is doing it.

00:27:45

How bad can it be?

00:27:48

But this is how we feel about it. Right?

00:27:50

See, normal doesn't equal good.

00:27:53

Do you know that it's normal

00:27:55

for a one year old to poop their pants?

00:27:58

That's normal.

00:27:59

But none of us would ever say

00:28:01

because it's so normal, even natural,

00:28:04

let's just all poop our pants.

00:28:05

No, we would say there's actually

00:28:07

a better way to live that we want

00:28:08

to work towards and aspire to.

00:28:11

And so when it comes to pornography,

00:28:12

we can't stop at is it normal? Is it acceptable?

00:28:16

Do a lot of people do it?

00:28:17

Am I in the majority if I'm a user of pornography?

00:28:19

We can't stop there.

00:28:20

Instead, we have to say what are the affects of pornography?

00:28:24

Is it living water or is it a broken cistern?

00:28:29

And again, before we get to the Bible,

00:28:31

there is some stats on this too that we can look at.

00:28:34

Marriages.

00:28:35

What's the effect of pornography on marriages?

00:28:37

Well, if you are a regular porn user,

00:28:40

your marriage has a 300% more likelihood

00:28:44

to have an affair inside of it.

00:28:47

In fact, if you look at divorce cases

00:28:48

and divorce filings, you'll find that 56% of them

00:28:51

have a spouse who is obsessively interested in pornography.

00:28:58

What does it do to your attitude towards women in particular?

00:29:01

Well, not good things.

00:29:03

There was a journal that looked at pornography,

00:29:05

pornography scenes to look for violence,

00:29:07

and they found that 88.2% of pornography scenes

00:29:12

feature violence against women.

00:29:15

You know that porn has been proven

00:29:17

to rewire your brain and your heart

00:29:19

for what is and is not acceptable.

00:29:20

Scenes like that, they don't just sit in your brain,

00:29:22

they actually change what you think is okay.

00:29:26

See, it's all about power, it's all about control,

00:29:29

and it's all about violence.

00:29:31

There are 46 published research studies that

00:29:34

have demonstrated that exposure to pornography

00:29:36

makes you much more likely to commit a sexual crime.

00:29:38

The latest data from Barna,

00:29:40

a national research institute, says that

00:29:41

daily porn users are twice as likely

00:29:43

to feel anxious and overwhelmed,

00:29:44

three times more likely to feel

00:29:46

that life is not worth living.

00:29:47

And even if you zoomed away from the affects

00:29:49

on the rest of your life,

00:29:50

how it might destroy your marriage, isolate you,

00:29:53

how it might make you anxious and depressed.

00:29:55

If you just zoomed in to what's the affect

00:29:57

it has on your sex life?

00:29:58

What does it do to you sexually?

00:30:00

You'd also find its effects are devastating.

00:30:04

Absolutely devastating.

00:30:05

It used to be when they made erectile dysfunction drugs,

00:30:08

they were for older, older people

00:30:10

who were having issues with their body.

00:30:12

Now, the growing audience for E.D. pills

00:30:15

is 16-21 year olds.

00:30:18

Do you know that 45% of 16-21 year olds

00:30:21

have trouble performing sexually.

00:30:24

Do you know that number was 2% 20 years ago?

00:30:27

See, this is a growing pandemic in our country

00:30:32

and it's time to talk about it.

00:30:34

So if you walked into church and you went,

00:30:36

"This isn't really what I wanted today."

00:30:37

Well, this is what people are dealing with

00:30:39

and this is therefore what we have to talk about

00:30:41

because there's a better way.

00:30:42

It's a broken cistern.

00:30:44

Porn is utterly a broken cistern.

00:30:47

Before we get to the Bible, the data says it.

00:30:49

It's conclusive.

00:30:51

So the question is, well, why does anybody use porn?

00:30:53

I mean, these these stats aren't hidden.

00:30:55

You can find them and you can find so many more.

00:30:57

They're everywhere on the internet.

00:30:58

It's actually being talked about.

00:31:00

And so why in the world would anybody ever use porn?

00:31:04

Well, it's because porn makes a promise.

00:31:05

And the promise of porn is that

00:31:07

it will satisfy your thirst,

00:31:09

just like the best energy drink.

00:31:12

It's got all kinds of claims.

00:31:15

I've read this in a book by a man

00:31:17

named Michael Kuchek called Surfing for God.

00:31:20

He listed the counterfeit promises.

00:31:21

If you were to look at the the can,

00:31:23

the energy drink of porn, and you were to find

00:31:25

the promises, he says, this is what would be on them.

00:31:28

Validation without requiring strength,

00:31:31

fulfillment without relationship,

00:31:33

intimacy without risk and suffering,

00:31:36

and power without responsibility and humility.

00:31:40

See those things, validation, fulfillment,

00:31:43

intimacy, even the sense of having

00:31:45

some agency and some power,

00:31:46

those actually are deeply felt heart needs in you

00:31:51

and God does want you to fulfill them.

00:31:53

Absolutely, 100%.

00:31:55

But the means by which God wants you to fill them

00:31:57

are so that the character building traits

00:31:59

on the other side get formed in your life.

00:32:02

See, when you skip straight to pornography,

00:32:04

you skip the character formation that God wants for you.

00:32:08

It's a lie.

00:32:10

It's the same as this stuff will help you burn body fat.

00:32:13

I mean, if you do diet and exercise too, you know.

00:32:16

Same exact thing.

00:32:17

It's just a lie on the outside of the can.

00:32:21

This is not an accidental lie, by the way.

00:32:23

It's an intentional one.

00:32:24

With porn, I don't know if you know this,

00:32:26

you are being actively hunted.

00:32:27

I read you that verse from Jeremiah

00:32:29

at the very beginning of the service

00:32:30

about the God saying He's the living water,

00:32:33

and that we go to these broken cisterns.

00:32:34

That was Jeremiah 2:13.

00:32:36

I'll read you the next two verses 2:14-15 says this:

00:32:52

You are being hunted.

00:32:54

The images is that there is someone

00:32:55

coming after you like a lion,

00:32:58

which lines up exactly with Peter's description

00:33:01

in his letter 1 Peter. It says this:

00:33:11

So please hear me clearly,

00:33:12

if you are currently struggling with porn,

00:33:14

if you've ever struggled with porn,

00:33:16

I want you to know it is not your fault

00:33:18

that you have been hunted.

00:33:20

There is an enemy who's coming after you.

00:33:23

It started a long time ago.

00:33:25

You know, I actually don't know anybody, I mean,

00:33:27

if you think about your first experience

00:33:28

with pornography, the first time you ever saw porn,

00:33:31

I have yet to meet anybody

00:33:33

who went actively searching for it.

00:33:35

It seems like it just kind of shows up.

00:33:38

A friend shows you a picture on their phone.

00:33:40

You go to a friend's house

00:33:41

and there's a magazine from their dad.

00:33:44

That was my story.

00:33:45

I was 11 years old,

00:33:47

went to my friend Jason's house,

00:33:49

and we were just messing around doing whatever.

00:33:51

And we go into his dad's office

00:33:52

and we just start opening drawers, you know,

00:33:54

seeing what's in his dad's office.

00:33:56

And we open this drawer and sitting right there

00:33:58

is a Playboy Magazine.

00:34:01

And so I shut my eyes and ran away.

00:34:04

I did not do that. [laughter]

00:34:06

I did not do that. Neither did you.

00:34:09

That's not what we do. I was mesmerized.

00:34:11

I was like, this is the most amazing thing

00:34:13

I've ever seen in my entire life.

00:34:15

Like, it left an impression.

00:34:16

I mean, to this day, 30 years later,

00:34:20

I can describe to you the room, the wallpaper,

00:34:23

the curtains, the desk,

00:34:24

the drawer that we pulled it out of.

00:34:26

I was probably in that room

00:34:27

for a total of maybe three minutes in my life.

00:34:29

Haven't been there since, but it left a mark on me.

00:34:33

Now, thankfully, when I went home,

00:34:35

this is 30 years ago, there wasn't

00:34:38

the same access to porn that there is now.

00:34:40

So even though I might have wanted to look at more,

00:34:43

I couldn't find it.

00:34:44

Porn had haunted me, had found me

00:34:45

and left a mark on me,

00:34:47

but I didn't have immediate access to it.

00:34:49

And this is the biggest fundamental change

00:34:51

from 20 years ago.

00:34:52

This is why we see those giant spikes

00:34:54

in stats from 2% to 45%. It's because of this.

00:34:59

Because now you used to have to hunt porn,

00:35:01

but now porn hunts you every single day.

00:35:05

If you think about this from your seat right now,

00:35:07

it's faster for you to reach pornography than it is

00:35:09

to get an actual drink of actual water.

00:35:12

It's so close, all over your house this is true.

00:35:16

On your TV, on your phone and your computer,

00:35:18

it's everywhere lurking for you.

00:35:21

You'll find it even when you're not looking.

00:35:23

This is what happens to me now.

00:35:24

I go on Instagram, I get into woodworking. Right?

00:35:26

And so I watch woodworking videos on Instagram

00:35:29

and on YouTube.

00:35:30

And at some point that algorithm started to go,

00:35:32

you know, what you might like is

00:35:34

a woodworking video with a naked lady inside of it.

00:35:37

And I'm like, what?

00:35:38

I started watching golf videos,

00:35:40

learning about golf and swings

00:35:41

and how to get better at golf.

00:35:42

Same thing happens, all of a sudden,

00:35:44

here's a scantily clad woman playing golf.

00:35:46

It haunts you even if you're not looking for it

00:35:49

and it wants to kill you.

00:35:51

It'll show up where you're not expecting it

00:35:53

and it will try to kill you.

00:35:55

Proverbs is a book about wisdom,

00:35:57

and not coincidentally, it puts this scene,

00:36:01

this scenario, being hunted in the very beginning.

00:36:05

Proverbs 5:1, it says:

00:36:29

Now, this is not a sexist view of women.

00:36:32

This is not actually a woman.

00:36:33

This is death disguised as the thing you want,

00:36:37

showing up in a place you weren't even looking for it.

00:36:40

Lips that drip honey that calls out and says,

00:36:43

"This is good for you."

00:36:44

But he says, the writer of Proverbs says,

00:36:46

"Make no mistakes,

00:36:47

the steps lead only one direction,

00:36:48

they go straight down to your death.

00:36:52

This is porn, we're being hunted.

00:36:53

And so what do we do about it?

00:36:55

Because many of us are being caught.

00:36:56

And that's why we're talking about it.

00:36:58

Many of us are being caught.

00:36:59

Many of us have been caught.

00:37:00

Many of us feel that we're stuck and we're trapped.

00:37:03

If there's a broken cistern it feels like

00:37:05

we've fallen down to the bottom and there's no ladder to get up.

00:37:07

And so the easiest thing to do is to stay where we are.

00:37:11

What do we do?

00:37:12

Well, it turns out that

00:37:13

the largest sex organ you have is your brain.

00:37:15

Did you know that?

00:37:16

The brain is the largest sex organ you have.

00:37:18

And so if you want to start to rewire

00:37:20

how you perceive pornography, how you think

00:37:23

about this whole issue of sex,

00:37:24

you have to start with your mind

00:37:27

and level up above pornography

00:37:29

and ask some questions of what is sex

00:37:33

and what does God say about sex?

00:37:35

Does He care about my sexuality at all?

00:37:40

And to see this, there's kind of two macro views

00:37:42

on sex that I want to walk you through.

00:37:44

One is the secular view.

00:37:45

This is just pop culture.

00:37:47

If you just walk out into the world,

00:37:49

if you just live in 21st century America,

00:37:52

you aren't trying to pick up any kind of rules,

00:37:54

regulations, tips, truths or anything.

00:37:56

This is what you'd end up with

00:37:58

just by virtue of being alive right now.

00:38:01

Contrasting to that is the biblical view,

00:38:04

which is different than the world's view.

00:38:06

And I want to lay these out for you.

00:38:08

Now each of them have a foundation,

00:38:09

there's a foundation to each view.

00:38:10

The foundation of the secular worldview is

00:38:13

a belief that your origin story reads like this:

00:38:16

There was nothing,

00:38:17

and from nothing something came accidentally.

00:38:22

Then some more stuff and some goop and then you. Okay?

00:38:25

And what that means is that

00:38:26

there are no moral absolutes.

00:38:28

Therefore, you're free to do whatever you want.

00:38:31

Now, contrast to that is the biblical worldview

00:38:34

that says you're not an accident.

00:38:35

In fact, there was a powerful, all powerful being

00:38:38

who created everything you see and can't see,

00:38:41

from the cosmic scale, galaxies and solar systems

00:38:44

all the way down to the workings

00:38:46

of the smallest bits and particles,

00:38:47

quantum mechanics.

00:38:49

Now, interestingly, it's science, not religion,

00:38:51

that is termed the way that that stuff works,

00:38:53

the way the universe works as laws,

00:38:56

which, by the definition of that word implies

00:38:58

there are absolutes to the way things work

00:39:01

and absolutes to the way things don't work.

00:39:04

There is expressed purpose and design.

00:39:07

Now inside of these frameworks is the purpose of sex.

00:39:10

In the secular worldview, the purpose of sex

00:39:12

is to get pleasure.

00:39:14

The idea is basically get as much pleasure

00:39:17

as you possibly can.

00:39:18

The more pleasure you have,

00:39:19

the more happy you'll be.

00:39:21

And so the advice is to follow your urges.

00:39:23

Which think about this for just a second.

00:39:25

In what other sphere of life

00:39:27

is the accepted advice follow your urges?

00:39:30

What would happen to your waistline

00:39:32

if you followed every urge to eat food?

00:39:35

Probably have an affect, right?

00:39:36

What would happen to your relationships

00:39:38

if you followed every urge to say

00:39:40

what you really think in the moment

00:39:41

about that dumb thing they just said, right?

00:39:43

Probably have less relationships.

00:39:45

What would happen to your bank account

00:39:46

if you followed every urge to buy everything

00:39:48

every time you got a little bit sad

00:39:50

and wanted to medicate with Target, right?

00:39:51

You'd have less money.

00:39:53

Follow your urges is intellectually shallow

00:39:56

and does not work, but it is the wisdom

00:39:58

of the age when it comes to sex somehow.

00:40:01

This is the foundation, the purpose of sex.

00:40:03

Now contrast that with the Bible.

00:40:05

In the Bible, the purpose of sex

00:40:07

is not to get pleasure, it's to give love.

00:40:12

Give love, which is different.

00:40:14

There's a cultural version of love in culture.

00:40:17

The the height of love is the measure

00:40:21

of how much I want to have you.

00:40:23

That's how we describe love.

00:40:25

I want you so much.

00:40:26

I want to have you so much.

00:40:27

That's the height of love.

00:40:29

But in the Bible, that's not the height of love.

00:40:31

The Bible is the opposite.

00:40:32

It's not how much I want to have you.

00:40:34

It's how much I want to give you.

00:40:36

In fact, the highest form of love

00:40:39

is self sacrificing your body

00:40:41

for the sake of someone else.

00:40:44

Very radically different.

00:40:46

Both these views also have a take

00:40:49

on the nature of the body itself.

00:40:51

Now, in the secular worldview, because you came from nothing

00:40:54

and there's no purpose and there's no design,

00:40:55

the purpose of your body is that

00:40:58

it's just an isolated, temporary meatsuit,

00:41:00

you know, there's no meaning,

00:41:02

and there's just made of stardust.

00:41:03

It'll return to stardust. So YOLO, right?

00:41:06

Do whatever you want to.

00:41:07

In the Bible, though.

00:41:08

And this is this is really key to understand,

00:41:10

because a lot of people walk into church

00:41:11

and they think that we're talking about

00:41:13

a spiritual life and then a financial life

00:41:15

and then a physical life.

00:41:17

And so it can feel like, well,

00:41:18

God's interested in my spiritual life,

00:41:20

but that's a separate thing from these other categories.

00:41:22

But that's actually a different religion.

00:41:24

It's called Gnosticism.

00:41:25

The idea that the flesh and the Spirit

00:41:27

are separate and don't interact.

00:41:29

That's Gnosticism, that's not Christianity.

00:41:31

Christianity says that it's all woven together.

00:41:34

There is one life and one you,

00:41:37

and your body is fully you and fully,

00:41:41

if you believe in Jesus, a member of Christ.

00:41:45

It says this in 1 Corinthians 6:15:

00:41:51

You've been joined together with them,

00:41:53

your body, not your soul, not your spirit,

00:41:56

your body, according to the Bible.

00:41:58

It's not a temporary meatsuit, it is you.

00:42:01

I mean, think about this for a minute.

00:42:03

Before you get to the cross or the resurrection,

00:42:05

the fundamental claim of Christianity is that

00:42:09

the temporal, the physical

00:42:11

have eternal spiritual consequences,

00:42:15

that they are inextricably related to each other.

00:42:17

That's the foundational claim of Christianity.

00:42:20

And that's what he's saying here.

00:42:22

Your body and what you do with it

00:42:24

is inextricably linked to who you are

00:42:27

in your eternal reality and who you are becoming.

00:42:30

That's the nature of the body.

00:42:32

Now each of these have a type of agreement.

00:42:34

There is an agreement in place

00:42:36

in order to engage in sex

00:42:38

in each of these different views.

00:42:40

In the secular world view,

00:42:41

the type of contract is a temporary contract,

00:42:45

and the only obligation is momentary consent,

00:42:48

just for a little bit.

00:42:49

And the contract works as long as

00:42:51

we hold to the terms of the consent,

00:42:53

and then as soon as it's done, we can go our separate ways,

00:42:55

and there's nothing else required to us.

00:42:57

And that's why porn fits very nicely into this view.

00:43:00

It's essentially a blank check

00:43:01

that someone else has already signed.

00:43:03

Here you go. I put my signature on it.

00:43:05

Do whatever you want, as much as you want.

00:43:07

That's the appeal of pornography.

00:43:10

Now, in the Bible, the agreement necessary for sex

00:43:13

is much, much different.

00:43:14

It's not a temporary contract.

00:43:16

It's an eternal, lifelong covenant which says,

00:43:21

whether or not you please me, I will please you.

00:43:25

Whether or not you love me, I will love you.

00:43:29

Whether or not you serve me,

00:43:31

I will serve you for the rest of my life.

00:43:34

It's radically, fundamentally different.

00:43:38

The obligation is lifelong commitment.

00:43:40

Which, by the way, I don't know if you know this about sex.

00:43:43

Sex is uniquely formative to us

00:43:44

and leaves such an imprint on us.

00:43:45

Because when you have sex

00:43:47

and you engage in any form of sex,

00:43:49

self sex or pornography, for sure,

00:43:51

the hormones are released in your body

00:43:53

and those hormones are designed to lead you into commitment.

00:43:58

They're literally designed to reinforce

00:43:59

the idea of commitment in your mind

00:44:02

and your in your body.

00:44:03

But when you practice sex outside the bounds

00:44:06

that the Bible draws, particularly solo sex,

00:44:09

you're literally retraining your body.

00:44:11

You're literally going,

00:44:13

don't think about commitment. Don't do that.

00:44:15

And you're rewiring your body

00:44:17

instead to learn to serve yourself.

00:44:20

The path leads to self fulfillment.

00:44:22

By the way, if you're in here

00:44:23

and you're not yet married, I want to take

00:44:25

a quick tangent for you.

00:44:27

Do you know that it's possible

00:44:29

to make this kind of covenant commitment

00:44:31

to your future spouse now,

00:44:33

before you've ever met them?

00:44:35

Do you know that? Think about it right now.

00:44:37

If God has someone for you,

00:44:39

they're probably alive right now. Okay?

00:44:41

They're alive and they're walking around on the earth.

00:44:43

And right now you can decide to commit yourself to them.

00:44:47

I don't care what you've done yesterday.

00:44:49

I don't care what you did this morning.

00:44:50

I don't care about your past.

00:44:51

From this moment on, you can commit yourself to them.

00:44:54

This is a covenant.

00:44:57

It has big consequences.

00:44:59

It's not just a moment.

00:45:01

It's not just an act.

00:45:02

It results in who you are becoming.

00:45:07

If you follow the secular path,

00:45:09

what you'll become is a self servant.

00:45:12

You will learn to serve yourself really, really well.

00:45:16

If you follow the biblical model,

00:45:18

you'll be the opposite.

00:45:19

You'll learn to be a selfless servant.

00:45:21

It's not a moment.

00:45:22

It's about who you're becoming.

00:45:24

The stakes are incredibly, incredibly high on this.

00:45:27

And maybe you're in here and you're like,

00:45:29

"Man, I wish I heard this talk a long time ago

00:45:31

because I've been drinking porn like crazy,

00:45:34

and I don't like who I've become.

00:45:36

I'm full of shame. My life has secrets.

00:45:39

I worry about being found out.

00:45:41

I worry about having to stop.

00:45:43

It's all hidden. It's out of control.

00:45:45

I feel guilty all the time."

00:45:47

Maybe that's what you've become.

00:45:48

See, that's because porn is a broken cistern.

00:45:51

At the bottom of the well is poison, nothing,

00:45:55

you're worse off than

00:45:57

if you had had nothing in your life.

00:45:59

That's pornography.

00:46:00

I just want you to know if you feel stuck,

00:46:03

if you feel stuck, if you feel trapped,

00:46:05

you can get free.

00:46:07

And that can actually start today.

00:46:09

See, God has a promise, this amazing promise

00:46:12

where He goes, "Yes, you've done two evils.

00:46:14

You've rejected my living water

00:46:16

and you've been drinking from your own broken cisterns."

00:46:18

But that same God, that's the truth part,

00:46:20

that same God comes in with grace and He goes,

00:46:23

"Guess what? I'm not going to leave you there.

00:46:25

Guess what? I'm going to make a way out."

00:46:27

His name is Jesus and He's coming for you.

00:46:30

And if you'll interact with Him,

00:46:32

He will change your life and show you the way out.

00:46:35

It says this in 1 Corinthians 10:13, it says:

00:46:52

God says you can escape.

00:46:55

I know that you can escape.

00:46:56

You know how? Because I did. I did.

00:46:59

After looking at that magazine at 11 years old

00:47:03

I was hooked on it, right? I was like, "This is amazing.

00:47:05

This is the best thing in the world.

00:47:06

I got to find this more and more."

00:47:08

And it was difficult back in the day.

00:47:09

Didn't have high speed internet.

00:47:11

Some of you remember these days.

00:47:12

You download a picture you weren't supposed to,

00:47:14

and it would go in bars.

00:47:16

It was like ka-chunk, you know? You wait.

00:47:19

Ka-chunk. Oh, yeah. There's your hair.

00:47:22

Wait. Is that my mom? That's not my mom.

00:47:25

Ka-chunk. Oh, yeah, we're getting close.

00:47:28

Okay. This is okay.

00:47:29

It's now just spinning now.

00:47:30

That was -- That was basically porn

00:47:32

when I was in high school. Okay, that was porn.

00:47:34

Then I went to college.

00:47:36

And in college, we had the most amazing thing.

00:47:39

I'd never seen it before in my life.

00:47:40

It was called high speed internet.

00:47:43

It was incredible.

00:47:44

All of a sudden I had unlimited

00:47:47

instantaneous access to whatever I wanted,

00:47:51

and not unsurprisingly, porn became a problem for me.

00:47:55

So fast, so fast, before I even knew

00:47:57

what was happening, I felt like I was just taken.

00:47:59

I would think about it.

00:48:00

I would think about when I could go look at more of it.

00:48:02

This is how I'd build my life around it.

00:48:04

Thankfully, I met a group of guys not long after,

00:48:08

not long into this journey of college.

00:48:10

A group of guys who were pursuing Jesus

00:48:12

and who, for whatever reason,

00:48:14

have this abnormally vulnerable way of sharing life.

00:48:17

And so one time I'm hanging out with these guys,

00:48:19

and one of them shares that they were struggling with porn.

00:48:21

And I was like, "Oh my gosh,

00:48:22

we're not supposed to talk about that.

00:48:24

What are we doing? I gotta go, you know?"

00:48:26

And he shares and another guy shares

00:48:28

and he's also struggling with porn.

00:48:30

And then another guy and all of a sudden

00:48:32

I start to realize, "Well, maybe I'm not alone.

00:48:35

Maybe this is okay to share."

00:48:37

And so then I shared, "This is a problem for me too."

00:48:40

And over the next few years, we walk with each other.

00:48:44

We helped each other.

00:48:46

We held each other accountable.

00:48:47

We helped each other find healthy boundaries.

00:48:49

And over the course of those years,

00:48:51

I was able to stop that cycle.

00:48:53

That was so important to me

00:48:54

to have this group of guys around me.

00:48:55

[applause] Thank you. Yeah.

00:48:58

When I got to Cincinnati, the first thing

00:49:00

I looked for was a group of guys like that.

00:49:02

I came to Crossroads, and all I was doing

00:49:04

was trying to find that group of guys.

00:49:05

Thankfully, I found them.

00:49:08

And I'm telling you, in my life,

00:49:10

porn has not been an issue for

00:49:11

a very, very, very, very long time.

00:49:15

Listen, clearly, it's not because it doesn't haunt me.

00:49:19

It's not because it's not coming for me.

00:49:22

It's not because the lion went, "Well, not you anymore."

00:49:25

It comes from me every single day, every day.

00:49:29

I still in my life, the most important rhythm

00:49:31

I have in my life is connecting with

00:49:33

the other men who I can be fully transparent with

00:49:35

and fully vulnerable with in my life still.

00:49:37

And I put up boundaries in my life that I enforce.

00:49:39

There are some things, if you saw my life,

00:49:41

you'd think I was Amish.

00:49:43

You'd be like, that's crazy.

00:49:45

Bridgerton, Never seen it.

00:49:46

Game of Thrones, never seen it, never will.

00:49:49

Lots of popular shows that feature sex and nudity

00:49:51

and never seen it, never will, just can't go near it.

00:49:53

Tiktok, I had TikTok for about 4.5 seconds.

00:49:56

And then TikTok is like, "I'll bet you'd like this."

00:49:59

And I was like, "Oh my gosh, run away!"

00:50:01

And you know, you hear that and you're like,

00:50:03

"Oh, but you're missing such good stories.

00:50:05

I mean, Bridgerton is so great, Game of Thrones, so great.

00:50:08

Kyle, you missing such great stories.

00:50:09

And I mean, me, I watch it

00:50:11

and that's not for the sex. It's for the stories."

00:50:13

I'm like, "You know what that sounds like?

00:50:14

That sounds like my buddy

00:50:15

who used to read Playboy for the articles.

00:50:17

You know? That's cool for you.

00:50:20

I'll bet you -- I bet that's right." Right?

00:50:23

And the thing is, if you want to get free,

00:50:25

you can get free.

00:50:26

It's going to take vulnerability,

00:50:28

it's going to take work,

00:50:29

and it's going to take connecting to the living water.

00:50:31

But you can get free. But not alone. Not alone.

00:50:36

When surveyed, 65% of people who have

00:50:39

some form of porn use in their life,

00:50:41

65% believe they can get out of it on their own.

00:50:45

And I'm just telling you,

00:50:46

I just want to press on you a little bit.

00:50:47

If you struggle with porn

00:50:49

and you haven't been able to stop,

00:50:51

the reason is because you hold this belief.

00:50:53

You've tried to do it on your own.

00:50:55

And you still think in your mind,

00:50:56

"I don't have to tell anybody about this

00:50:58

because I can get out of it on my own."

00:50:59

No you can't.

00:51:01

That's the number one lie that will keep you stuck.

00:51:04

See step one to freedom is confession.

00:51:06

Not to God. God knows, by the way.

00:51:09

Think about this, God knows every moment.

00:51:11

He's not surprised.

00:51:12

He doesn't need you to tell Him.

00:51:13

Saying sorry might be okay, but He doesn't --

00:51:15

He's not shocked by it.

00:51:16

But God says there's a unique power

00:51:18

when we expose our private life

00:51:20

to the people around us, when we take

00:51:22

what's been hidden in the darkness

00:51:23

and we bring it into the light, it stops festering.

00:51:26

It says this in James 5:16:

00:51:35

What would it be like for you

00:51:36

to confess your sin to somebody?

00:51:38

What would it be like before you go to bed tonight

00:51:40

to tell somebody what's actually going on in your life?

00:51:43

You might be like, "That sounds awful.

00:51:45

Are you kidding me?

00:51:46

You know how much shame I would feel, Kyle?"

00:51:49

And my pushback would be, "Well, yeah,

00:51:51

but how much shame do you feel right now already?"

00:51:54

See, when you confess,

00:51:55

it's not stepping into shame.

00:51:57

It's stepping out of shame.

00:51:59

Shame doesn't get to have a hold on you anymore.

00:52:01

But you have to walk through that moment.

00:52:04

By the way, note to married couples if you're in here,

00:52:07

and one of you confesses to the other

00:52:09

at some point later on today,

00:52:11

let's say say that happens.

00:52:13

I want to warn you, it will be painful,

00:52:15

and I want to encourage you to do it anyway.

00:52:17

If you're the spouse who gets confessed to,

00:52:19

I know it'll hurt. It'll hurt a lot.

00:52:21

I know it will.

00:52:22

But your partner is somebody who is trapped

00:52:25

and wants to get free.

00:52:27

And it's not about you. It's not.

00:52:29

There are wounds. There are pains.

00:52:31

They have been hunted their whole life,

00:52:33

and they want to get free.

00:52:35

And your pain and your feeling of betrayal

00:52:37

are real and they are legitimate.

00:52:38

My encouragement to you is

00:52:40

you both need someone to talk to,

00:52:41

you both need support, you both need help.

00:52:44

And I want to give you a vision:

00:52:46

your partner on the other side of confessing

00:52:50

can become the person you thought they were,

00:52:53

and so much more before you knew.

00:52:56

If it's in your marriage, it's already affecting you.

00:52:59

The Bible says that when you're married,

00:53:01

two people are one.

00:53:02

Whether or not you knew what was causing the pain,

00:53:06

it was there.

00:53:07

And so wouldn't you rather know

00:53:09

and deal with it with open eyes?

00:53:10

If you do, your marriage can go to an amazing place.

00:53:13

Healing is possible.

00:53:16

I've seen it in my life.

00:53:17

I've seen it in friends' lives all over the place.

00:53:21

I'm one of them is a good friend of mine

00:53:23

who you might know well. His name is Chuck.

00:53:25

Here's his story.

00:53:31

- One alpha, take one.

00:53:33

- I grew up in a family where

00:53:34

I was very much a surprise, but also very loved.

00:53:38

But as I reflect on, you know, some of the things

00:53:40

that created this thirst in me,

00:53:42

what I realized is the other true story

00:53:45

that I was believing about myself was that

00:53:47

somehow I had to earn my way into the family,

00:53:51

because this family had its own thing going on,

00:53:54

and I was kind of a disruption

00:53:56

or an interruption to that.

00:53:57

I remember when I was, I don't know, probably 12

00:54:00

we got cable TV.

00:54:02

I had my own room and I had cable TV in that room.

00:54:05

That was not good for me.

00:54:06

And the movies had, I remember SSC.

00:54:09

It would say strong sexual content.

00:54:11

And it -- something like unlocked in me

00:54:15

as I was watching it.

00:54:17

And when I say unlocked in me, it was like

00:54:19

there was just this, like,

00:54:20

this is what I've been looking for.

00:54:23

And I know at the same time,

00:54:25

I can't tell anybody about this, I can't --

00:54:28

This isn't something that I share.

00:54:29

This isn't something that I tell my parents.

00:54:32

This isn't something that I tell even my friends.

00:54:34

Like, this is something that has to be kept so secret.

00:54:36

And it just became this pattern that really gripped me

00:54:40

even as I was in the church,

00:54:42

going to a Christian school,

00:54:44

pursuing a relationship with God.

00:54:47

But there was this other aspect of me,

00:54:49

pornography and masturbation,

00:54:51

kind of that whole sexual expression

00:54:54

became the way that I medicated.

00:54:56

And then I went to college, and I just remember

00:54:59

in the computer lab, down in the dorm

00:55:02

that I was living in I discovered

00:55:05

internet pornography, and I was immediately hooked.

00:55:09

I mean, it just became an obsession.

00:55:13

And that really began a pattern that, you know,

00:55:18

quite frankly, is still something that

00:55:20

I'm in recovery for and wrestling with in my life.

00:55:23

In my mind, I had always had these lines

00:55:26

that I would not cross.

00:55:27

I'm acting out, I'm watching stuff on cable TV,

00:55:30

but like, I'm not going to go buy a magazine.

00:55:33

Then you buy the magazine.

00:55:35

Yeah, I bought a magazine, but I'm not --

00:55:37

I'm never going to interact with a person.

00:55:40

Then I ended up in a massage parlor.

00:55:41

Yeah, yeah, I went to a massage parlor,

00:55:44

but I'm never going to go to a straight up strip club.

00:55:46

And then I ended up in a strip club.

00:55:47

And it's just -- I just realized, like,

00:55:49

this is progressing and it's taking more

00:55:54

and more of me, and I can't control it.

00:55:57

This is out of my control.

00:55:58

And I would say that was the point where

00:56:00

I realized it's never going to satisfy me.

00:56:03

Like, that was the moment when I knew

00:56:05

I needed to change, but I still didn't know

00:56:08

how to change, and I just felt stuck.

00:56:10

And I tried all the things, I prayed, I fasted,

00:56:14

I read Every Man's Battle and I did all the things.

00:56:17

I did all the things,

00:56:18

and none of it was really helping me.

00:56:20

And when things began to change for me

00:56:23

was when I met Chuck Moore.

00:56:25

Chuck Moore leads men's healthy sexuality

00:56:28

and has helped hundreds of guys like me.

00:56:30

I was actually was about to come on staff

00:56:32

and I was like, "I just need to tell you

00:56:35

just how jacked up I am."

00:56:37

Chuck looked at me and he said,

00:56:39

"Hey, it's not your fault."

00:56:43

And it didn't penetrate the first time.

00:56:46

I don't know if it penetrated the 10th time

00:56:48

because I was so wracked with shame.

00:56:51

Shame had such a grip on me.

00:56:53

I needed someone to look at me and say,

00:56:57

"This is not your fault,

00:56:59

but this is your opportunity

00:57:02

that you could actually heal and change

00:57:07

and you could be free."

00:57:09

As Chuck said it's not your fault,

00:57:12

I think just for a moment, maybe,

00:57:14

just that that grip of shame released

00:57:17

just enough for me to lean in and see what's next.

00:57:22

His ability to to hear my story non-judgmentally

00:57:27

and invite me into something different,

00:57:30

it's a moment that literally changed my life.

00:57:34

I would say it was a moment that saved my life.

00:57:38

You know, I entered into 12 step recovery

00:57:41

right here at Crossroads

00:57:42

while I was a pastor at Crossroads.

00:57:46

And what I found is that there is a way,

00:57:49

there is a way over time in community

00:57:53

to make different choices.

00:57:55

I wish I could tell you I'm perfect.

00:57:57

I wish I could tell you

00:57:58

this is still never a struggle for me.

00:58:00

But the truth is, I'm a work in progress

00:58:03

and I would just want anybody who's kind of

00:58:06

on the early side of this to know you can be free.

00:58:10

There is a God who loves you.

00:58:12

There is a God who says to you

00:58:13

the same words that Chuck said to me,

00:58:15

it's not your fault.

00:58:16

We're all wounded, but God is an amazing healer.

00:58:28

- It's a story of hope.

00:58:30

And what he said is true, by the way,

00:58:32

it's not your fault that you've been wounded.

00:58:34

It's not your fault that you've been hunted.

00:58:37

But God says you have agency and you have a choice

00:58:40

and you can do something about it.

00:58:42

He wants to help you see.

00:58:45

Step two, after confession,

00:58:48

is to change what you're drinking.

00:58:49

It's not enough to do this on your own.

00:58:51

Human efforts are not going to get it done.

00:58:53

You need God and you need living water.

00:58:56

You need an encounter with the living water,

00:58:58

the same as the woman at the well.

00:59:01

You know when Jesus walked up to her,

00:59:03

He knew everything about her just like He does you.

00:59:06

He didn't judge her. He didn't condemn her.

00:59:08

He didn't brush her off.

00:59:09

He just pointed out her mistakes and said,

00:59:11

"Would you like something better?

00:59:14

Would you like something that gives you

00:59:16

the life that you're looking for?"

00:59:19

And she took it.

00:59:20

This is the end of that story. John 4:28:

00:59:22

So the woman left her jar.

00:59:26

I think that means a lot.

00:59:27

She left her past.

00:59:29

She left what she had been doing.

00:59:40

Could this be the one who's here to save us?

00:59:43

Because I feel like He's saving me right now.

00:59:46

Like I said, God knows everything about you,

00:59:48

just like her, but He's not coming to condemn you.

00:59:51

He's coming to offer you living water,

00:59:54

living water that has the power to change you.

00:59:58

You know, the first time living water shows up

00:59:59

in the Bible, it's not in Jeremiah.

01:00:01

It's actually earlier than that.

01:00:03

It shows up in the Levitical law.

01:00:05

Now, most of that law is about pure versus impure.

01:00:10

And see, whenever these two things touch,

01:00:13

the impure has more power.

01:00:15

It corrupts the pure again and again and again.

01:00:19

There is one exception in the law.

01:00:22

You know what it is? It's for living water.

01:00:25

See, when when living water

01:00:27

touches something impure,

01:00:29

the impure thing is made pure forever.

01:00:32

It's clean. It becomes living water.

01:00:37

You ever wonder why Jesus goes around

01:00:38

and He touches people when He heals them?

01:00:40

I mean, he's God, right?

01:00:41

Why touch people? He does this all the time.

01:00:43

He heals lepers.

01:00:45

He goes up, He touches the leper.

01:00:47

He heals a blind person.

01:00:48

He doesn't just say, "Go ahead and see."

01:00:50

He walks up and He puts his hands on their eyes.

01:00:53

You ever wonder why when people touch Jesus,

01:00:55

they get healed even when He didn't know it?

01:00:58

It's because He's the living water

01:01:01

and when He touches you,

01:01:02

you are made whole and pure forever.

01:01:09

Maybe that's all you need to hear right now.

01:01:11

You've been sitting in your seat,

01:01:12

you've been feeling guilt and shame,

01:01:13

you've been feeling so, so dirty.

01:01:16

When Jesus touches you, you will be clean.

01:01:20

Now I know He's not here right now

01:01:22

to walk around in bodily form,

01:01:24

but follow me for a second.

01:01:26

You know the number one name for Jesus was teacher.

01:01:29

Do you know what teacher means in Hebrew?

01:01:31

It's the word Yoreh.

01:01:32

In original language teacher is Yoreh,

01:01:35

which means first rain.

01:01:39

See, when someone teaches you,

01:01:40

when they share the word of truth with you,

01:01:43

it's the water, they're spraying water on you.

01:01:46

This is why in John 15:3 Jesus says,

01:01:52

If you'll receive Him, the Word of Life,

01:01:56

you'll be clean.

01:01:58

Now, the only kind of vessel though that receives it

01:02:00

is a broken one.

01:02:01

If you're in here and your heart is hard

01:02:04

and you're closed off

01:02:05

and you don't want to hear it anymore,

01:02:07

I can't help you, Jesus can't help you.

01:02:10

But if you're here and you feel broken,

01:02:12

if today opened a crack in your life,

01:02:16

or maybe it already,

01:02:17

there was already a gaping hole,

01:02:18

it already felt so hard and so awful.

01:02:20

If that's you, if you feel broken,

01:02:22

I have good news.

01:02:23

Water can get into you and your cistern

01:02:26

and it can change you.

01:02:28

Here's the Word of God for you.

01:02:31

This is Colossians 1:22. It says:

01:02:41

And by the way, the first two words, but now,

01:02:43

did you catch that? Now, not later. Now.

01:02:58

Living water can change you if you'll talk to Him,

01:03:00

He can change you if you hear Him.

01:03:02

That's actually what we're going to do right now.

01:03:05

We built this service intentionally

01:03:06

a little bit out of order, almost backwards.

01:03:08

We wanted to save what we typically do

01:03:10

at the beginning, where we have conversations

01:03:12

with God through music for the end here.

01:03:14

And I just want to encourage you,

01:03:16

please stay through this experience,

01:03:18

have a conversation with God.

01:03:20

I've got one more critical thing to tell you

01:03:22

at the end, but for now, why don't you go ahead

01:03:24

and stand wherever you are

01:03:26

and talk to the One who has the words to heal you.

01:13:46

- Let's go back to those words we sang before,

01:13:50

if we'll trust in what He can do,

01:13:52

because H's promised that He's strong,

01:13:55

He's promised that He's with us.

01:13:58

So with full trust in Him we say.

01:14:53

- At the very end of the Bible,

01:14:54

the book of Revelation, one of the last scenes

01:14:57

in the entire Bible, God says this.

01:15:01

Revelation 21:6: It is done.

01:15:04

I am the Alpha and the Omega.

01:15:07

I'm the beginning and the end.

01:15:09

To the thirsty I will give from

01:15:12

the spring of the water of life without payment.

01:15:15

That's His promise to you.

01:15:17

I don't know what you thought church

01:15:18

was going to be today when you walked in.

01:15:20

Probably not this, though, right?

01:15:23

But maybe something broke in you.

01:15:25

Maybe there was a moment where you felt hope.

01:15:27

Maybe it was when we were singing just now.

01:15:28

You are able. He is.

01:15:32

If so, I want to encourage you,

01:15:35

confess to somebody, connect with the living water,

01:15:38

and you need to find a transformative community.

01:15:41

You need to find leaders

01:15:42

who can help you walk out of this.

01:15:44

And I got great news, we've got them.

01:15:45

Chuck and Chuck from the video

01:15:47

are putting together a night, an event

01:15:50

that's designed to help you get free from porn.

01:15:53

It's coming up on August 12th.

01:15:54

It's information here on the screen,

01:15:56

7 p.m. in person or online.

01:15:59

If you can't make it, that's totally fine.

01:16:01

Please watch it online.

01:16:03

If you are the person struggling

01:16:05

or you're the spouse who gets confessed to,

01:16:07

either way, this is designed to help you

01:16:09

get connected to resources that can help you

01:16:12

walk out who you are, alive and changed.

01:16:21

I also want to offer prayer today.

01:16:22

If you're in a moment where you just need

01:16:24

someone to pray for you, we would love to do that.

01:16:26

We'll have prayer volunteers right down here

01:16:28

right now as you walk out.

01:16:30

We love to pray for you.

01:16:31

I'm going to do that right now.

01:16:33

God, thank You for everyone who is here.

01:16:35

Thank You for their willingness to lean in and listen.

01:16:38

Thank You for being the living water who changes

01:16:41

I pray for everyone who's been dead,

01:16:43

dried up and worn out.

01:16:46

Bring them back to life. Amen.

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