You Are A Father or Mother

Even if we do not have children, we are all designed to nurture something as a father/mother. Unlocking the father/mother element of our identity could be the key to helping us discover the compassionate, strong protector we were made to be.

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    - Today on Crossroads Real Encounters with God,
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    we're seeing how the ancient story of God
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    is still important for our lives today.
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    Before we get into the episode, I want you to know
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    that we really care about
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    the ongoing situation in the Middle East.
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    This series was filmed earlier this year
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    before the fighting erupted, but we still think
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    it's important to show this series.
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    God chose the ancient land of Israel.
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    He carved His story into the place itself,
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    and He has something to say to us today through it.
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    Before we go to today's episode, we're going to sing some songs.
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    And these aren't just any song,
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    but they actually are songs
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    that tell the story of God,
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    that it's an ancient story that's still unfolding today.
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    The lyrics talk about the God of David
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    and the God of the Bible
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    is the same God that we believe in,
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    and the same God who answered prayers back then
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    is answering them today.
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    The same God who was a healer is a healer now,
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    and the same God who was the Savior is the Savior now.
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    - I don't know if you've never heard
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    those things about God.
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    I don't know if this is the first time
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    for you where you're like, "Really?
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    People believe that anything is possible?"
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    - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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    - I don't know if you're like, "Really?
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    You believe that God is actually with us
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    and He would actually move in our lives,
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    that He would care about me?"
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    I don't know if it's the first time
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    you've heard that or the thousandth.
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    I just want you to know it's true. [cheers]
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    I just want you to know you have a Creator
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    who deeply loves you and sees you and knows you.
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    You have one who made life and offers it to you.
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    He's changed my life.
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    It does not mean every time I've asked Him
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    for something that He's fixed it.
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    It does not mean everything's been easy.
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    I can't help it, maybe you've heard me say it before,
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    but any time I say anything is possible,
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    there's a choice I make to say, "I trust you, Jesus."
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    Even though when I prayed for my mom to not pass away,
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    she still passed away.
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    But he has met me in pain
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    and brought peace into chaos like nothing else.
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    He's lifted me out of things.
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    These words we say to Him.
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    The melodies might be new, but the words
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    and the truth of them are not.
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    These are words that have been sung to this God
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    for thousands and thousands of generations,
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    and they're words that remain true today
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    about this King and this God.
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    It is not a new thought.
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    We are not inventing something new here.
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    We are saying we get in line with
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    thousands and thousands of generations
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    who have met this God, who is Creator,
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    who has made Himself known in this man named Jesus.
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    And he's changed it all.
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    So Scripture tells us that if we wonder what God looks like,
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    that we can look at Jesus, that He's the perfect image of God.
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    And so we look to Jesus and say,
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    "Oh, that's what God looks like. Okay. Okay."
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    Hebrews, a letter written a couple thousand years ago
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    in the first century,
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    Hebrews 13:8 says this about Jesus:
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    Jesus Christ is the same yesterday
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    and today and forever.
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    Jesus Christ is the same yesterday,
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    today, and forever.
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    In a world of chaos and change and despair,
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    God never changes.
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    He's constant, true, faithful, good,
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    loving, kind, powerful, and with us.
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    He never changes and neither does our need for Him.
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    God, you have my heart
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    and I want you to have all my actions.
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    I want to live remembering that You are my King
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    and my Savior, that You are powerful and with me.,
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    that You've made me and know me.
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    You walk with me.
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    You have my heart and I want You to have my actions.
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    I want You to have all of me.
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    You are what I'm aiming myself at. Thank you.
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    I pray this all because I've seen You in Jesus, God. Amen.
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    - Come and have your own encounter with God
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    at the Real Encounters Prayer Experience.
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    Step outside the busyness of regular life
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    and make space to hear something fresh from God.
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    Be immersed in the sights and sounds
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    of ancient Israel, where God's people
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    have encountered Him for thousands of years.
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    Now it's your turn to have a Real Encounter with God.
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    This one of a kind experience was made just for you.
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    Don't miss it.
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    Get details at crossroads.net.
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    - It's great to be with everybody today.
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    You're going to see me in just a little bit
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    speaking during our Israel series.
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    It's crazy that six months ago
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    I recorded those talks in Israel,
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    and what's happened in Israel is crazy.
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    And some of you might think, "Hey man,
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    if you're going to be on video preaching,
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    why are you here?" I'll tell you why.
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    Because I personally need filled up, that's why.
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    I need to come to a place where I sense
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    God's moving and worship with people.
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    I need it, my soul needs it, my soul craves it.
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    So it's great to be with you all today,
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    whatever site you happen to be in.
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    So, we're going to be continuing on
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    in our Real Encounter series.
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    But a couple of things I want to make sure I highlight for you.
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    This is a fully immersive thing.
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    We have an Israel prayer experience,
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    or rather a Real Encounters Prayer Experience.
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    It's an immersive prayer experience.
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    It's at Oakley. All sites are welcome.
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    We've actually also fabricated it,
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    spent a little bit more money on it
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    so that at some point it can be broken down
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    and taken, perhaps further sites away.
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    I know it's a long haul if you're coming up
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    from Lexington or coming down from Columbus.
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    I just did it today. It's really solid.
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    It's worth it.
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    We need to be in environments that push us
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    and we meet God that are different,
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    and we've made one for you. It's great.
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    Our church is about engaging the things
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    that God wants done in our world.
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    It's crazy how we are in this series based in Israel
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    at the moment when the world is focused
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    again on Israel.
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    Just as a reminder, our church,
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    we are a generous church.
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    We have those of us here have come to
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    a place of spiritual maturity where we are tithers.
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    That means we give 10% of our gross income to our church.
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    We talk about that, how that's in the Bible
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    over and over and over again.
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    And as a result of our generosity,
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    we're able to send $100,000 over to help in aid
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    with Israelis and Palestinians who need help.
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    And we've also released another $25,000,
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    so it's $125,000 because there's
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    a hotel kind of complex area where they've
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    just cleared out, and we've bought up the hotel
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    to just give to refugees, to stay there
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    and try to have some peace. [applause]
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    It's important. That's what we do.
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    We love seeing an immersive environments.
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    We recently came over another immersive environment
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    that I want to celebrate and have fun with.
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    Woman Camp, a couple months ago, or whatever it was,
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    six weeks ago, Woman Camp
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    had record setting attendance at Woman Camp.
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    All go here for Woman Camp, great.
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    Man Camp we just had done, crazy, crazy at Man Camp,
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    2600 guys, 41 states, 4 or 5 different countries.
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    It was insane. It was immersive.
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    There was literal healings taking place.
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    I know some of you don't believe it.
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    I happen to believe the same God
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    who has done things like that
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    and still does them today.
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    Crazy things are happening. It's good.
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    Our church is trying to pour fuel on the fire
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    of what God is doing all over the place.
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    Christmas is going to be killer. It's coming up.
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    We're pulling out all the creative stuff
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    to give you a great immersive environment.
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    And why am I telling you all this?
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    I'm telling you all this to remind you,
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    we know that all of this stuff costs
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    a lot of money, a lot of money.
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    That prayer experience is a lot,
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    it's six figures to pull off that prayer experience.
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    All the Man Camp, Woman Camp, Couples Camp,
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    Vet Camp all that happens because we bought land,
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    we're pouring money into land.
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    And I want to remind us that we are very similar
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    to many nonprofits where we get in the black
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    from November to December.
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    And so for many of us who are tithers,
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    I want to encourage you to consider, man,
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    do all these things turn you on?
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    Do you want to keep pouring fuel on the fire?
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    Maybe you want to give an offering above and beyond that.
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    Others of us may not have the faith to tithe,
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    but do you want to get on that journey
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    and help your church reach and touch and bless people?
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    We believe that God leads you and I
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    to give to Crossroads so Crossroads
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    pours into the kingdom of God.
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    No one's inspired of Crossroads having savings accounts.
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    We don't give so Crossroads had savings.
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    We give so that we can fuel
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    the things that are important to God.
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    As I was reflecting on this in the book of Luke,
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    the last thing I'll share with you, Luke 16, it says this:
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    One who is faithful in a very little
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    is also faithful in much,
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    and one who is dishonest in a very little
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    is also dishonest in much.
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    If then you have not been faithful
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    in the unrighteous wealth,
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    who will entrust to you the true riches?
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    And if you have not been faithful
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    in what is another's,
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    who will give you that which is your own?
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    God is saying, "If you want Me to give you
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    a reward that's eternal, unique rewards in heaven,
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    then you have to manage My stuff
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    because it's My stuff," God says.
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    "It's not your stuff, even though
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    it revolves and resides inside of your accounts."
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    And he says, "To whom much is given, much is required."
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    I'll tell you this one reason for me
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    Crossroads continues to challenge me
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    because as we've grown and as God has blessed us,
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    thank you all for being a conduit
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    for how God has blessed our church.
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    I keep having the same thought,
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    "Oh my gosh, we haven't arrived.
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    Now God is holding us to a standard
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    of expecting a return."
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    And we want to always please God with that.
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    You are not part of a church
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    that's ever going to sit back
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    and play conservative and play safe.
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    We're going to keep pushing and pressing
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    because we want to please God,
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    because it's His resources and it's not ours.
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    So thanks for being on that journey and being faithful.
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    And thanks for considering that here
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    as we come to the end of 2023.
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    Okay, well, enough of that.
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    Let's get on to seeing our next part,
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    installment in Real Encounters.
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    And I'm a little sheepish about this one,
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    because I did way more crying than I was anticipating.
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    So, just just turn your head away when that happens,
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    I would appreciate it.
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    - Like Brian said, this is
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    an important spiritual discipline for our church.
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    To learn more about giving or to set up a recurring gift,
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    you can just head to Crossroads.net/give.
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    As a church, we want our generosity to be contagious,
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    and we actually set out to help our friends and neighbors.
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    This Thanksgiving we want something bold:
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    No empty tables.
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    1 in 8 people will have to pick between
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    daily necessities and buying food for a Thanksgiving meal.
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    And that's not okay with us.
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    Through Thanksgiving Food Drive
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    your box helps to ensure that your neighbors
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    can create memories over a hot meal this holiday.
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    No matter where you live, find out about
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    how to get involved at Crossroads.net/TFD.
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    Today is episode three of Real Encounters,
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    and every word I'm saying is making you wait
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    longer and longer and longer.
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    No, just kidding. Let's get to the episode right now.
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    - The Story of God told through the land of Israel
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    is written in the pages of Scripture
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    and carved by the very finger of God into the land itself.
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    Join us on a journey to discover your spiritual roots.
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    Uncover the six essential elements
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    of identity deep within you,
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    revealed through the life of King David
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    and perfected in the life of Jesus.
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    The fourth season of Real Encounters with God: Downline.
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    All new on location in Israel.
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    New places, new encounters, real encounters with God.
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    - All right. Real Encounters with God.
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    We're here in Israel talking about this primal DNA
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    unlocking these six essential elements of identity.
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    Today is father or mother,
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    which I know from talking to you,
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    you would say this isn't us having actual kids,
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    everyone has to have children. Some of us can't.
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    But this is an attitude of being a father or mother.
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    Talk about that.
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    - Yeah. When you're a father or a mother
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    you take care of people,
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    you feel ownership for people, you nurture people.
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    It's not in a season, it's just what you do
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    and where you are.
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    We all want a mother. We all want a father.
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    If it's not our DNA, we want somebody
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    to mother us and father us, take take that role on
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    because it's actually in our DNA, our spiritual DNA,
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    and therefore it's actually in our DNA
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    to do that for someone else,
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    whether it's a child who's our DNA
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    or someone were mentoring or somebody else, it's a big deal.
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    And I should also say this:
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    you're going to be a loser in one of these.
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    You know, you can't go six for six.
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    You should always try to see that
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    this is part of your identity.
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    It is just who you are, just built on it.
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    But some of this stuff is going to be
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    a lot rougher for us than others.
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    And this one, when we get to David,
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    I think this is the area
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    that was the most underdeveloped for him.
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    - Yeah. And so you were saying David
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    is not good at this. So where do we go to--
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    - I think he wants to do it. - He does.
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    - Tsuriel will talk about it.
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    He's got a good heart. His heart isn't wrong on this.
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    He's just got some --
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    He's got some baggage that will uncover.
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    But where do you think we should go to talk about this?
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    - What we thought is about the ancient city of Dan.
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    You know, we were talking about the gates
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    that were there, of course, these are not
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    the gates that David would actually be at,
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    but we remember that he was sitting,
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    it says that he was sitting between the gates
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    when he was waiting for the news from the war
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    against his son Absalom,
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    that was rebelling against him.
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    And of course, father son, wow.
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    What was happening with Absalom, and also
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    with many other of David's children was terrible.
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    And over there we can really try and dig into
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    his character as a father to Absalom.
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    He really loved Absalom, although Absalom
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    tried to kill him and get rid of him
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    and did everything wrong.
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    So that's the place we want to go.
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    - His father issues came and really bit him.
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    But what I love, that you can tell,
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    Dan is this archeological discovery.
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    It's just the more they dig around here,
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    the more they find that the Bible
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    actually knows it's talking about.
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    - It knows what it's talking about, it's real.
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    - You know, that we read the Bible.
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    We believe the Bible,
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    so we see how it fits with archeology.
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    But if you will talk to many people,
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    as long as they don't find a specific evidence
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    that proves something, it doesn't exist.
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    And many people, many archeologists and others,
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    would claim that there was never a guy named David.
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    The whole story of David,
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    it's a fake character, like there is the Greek mythology.
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    So David is kind of character that
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    the Israelites were building themselves
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    as if there was a house of David long ago,
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    centuries ago, and he was a great king and had all those --
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    - Like King Arthur is to England.
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    - Exactly. And for many, many years
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    there wasn't any evidence.
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    And people will say, "If he's such a great king,
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    how come you don't find anything?"
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    And over there in the ancient city of Dan,
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    not long ago, we're talking about around 2000,
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    20 years ago, that's all, a little over 20 years ago,
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    it was found, you know, a piece of a stone
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    that was standing there 150 years after David.
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    And it speaks there about some king
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    that was killing the king of Israel and the king of Judah.
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    And it says that the king of Judah
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    is from the house of David.
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    So it's the first and only time that we have
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    a true evidence that there was a House of David.
  • 00:35:03
    People back then were talking almost 3000 years ago,
  • 00:35:05
    they were always already relating to a house of David,
  • 00:35:09
    a royal family that started from that guy 150 years before.
  • 00:35:12
    House of David.
  • 00:35:13
    That's like saying administration of Joe Biden.
  • 00:35:15
    - Yeah. - It was that there was a king,
  • 00:35:18
    he had that, he had a whole team.
  • 00:35:20
    That's really impressive.
  • 00:35:21
    - Yeah. So that's a great site for that.
  • 00:35:24
    - So Dan makes sense for David.
  • 00:35:26
    What about Jesus?
  • 00:35:27
    He didn't have any kids of His own.
  • 00:35:29
    So where do we go to talk about
  • 00:35:31
    this mother father aspect of Jesus?
  • 00:35:33
    - Okay. What we thought of, of course,
  • 00:35:34
    is when Jesus shows compassion over the crowd
  • 00:35:38
    and when he see also the little children.
  • 00:35:39
    Remember that, you know, they were walking
  • 00:35:41
    and His disciples told them get out.
  • 00:35:43
    You know, some of them maybe had children.
  • 00:35:45
    We don't know, many of them were young.
  • 00:35:47
    But "Get out, move away."
  • 00:35:49
    And Jesus, "Stop! Hey, guys."
  • 00:35:51
    And He takes the children and He cares for them.
  • 00:35:53
    So you see, both for the crowds that are hungry,
  • 00:35:56
    that are tired, that they come to listen to Jesus,
  • 00:35:58
    but they sit outside and it's hot day, you know,
  • 00:36:01
    and He cares for them to feed them, also for the children.
  • 00:36:03
    And we want to go there to the hillside of Galilee,
  • 00:36:06
    where those things would happen, and to talk about those things.
  • 00:36:09
    - Yeah, it's another link between David and Jesus.
  • 00:36:12
    It doesn't mean their life is exactly the same,
  • 00:36:14
    but this basic ID comes out with them in different ways.
  • 00:36:19
    - That's right. They're exhibiting it,
  • 00:36:21
    just like you're saying, it's inside of all of us
  • 00:36:23
    and God wants to unlock it. - Yeah.
  • 00:36:27
    - We travel 87 miles from Jerusalem
  • 00:36:30
    to the Sea of Galilee, where Jesus spent 3 years
  • 00:36:33
    caring for those around him.
  • 00:36:41
    - Wow. Tsuriel, this is beautiful.
  • 00:36:44
    - It's already hot. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
  • 00:36:45
    It's a beautiful morning.
  • 00:36:47
    - Over the Sea of Galilee.
  • 00:36:49
    - Yeah. The sun is rising over there at the east.
  • 00:36:51
    We're looking at the lake behind us,
  • 00:36:54
    the Sea of Galilee, the beautiful, calm sea.
  • 00:36:57
    - It is calm. - Yeah, yeah it is.
  • 00:36:59
    - Well, it's funny because it's a lake.
  • 00:37:01
    - It's a lake. It's a lake.
  • 00:37:02
    Yeah, we call it the Sea of Galilee, but it's a lake.
  • 00:37:04
    - I mean, it's a better name than the Lake of Galilee,
  • 00:37:07
    so it makes sense.
  • 00:37:08
    - Is there a reason for that? - That was their sea.
  • 00:37:11
    I mean, when people used to live here,
  • 00:37:13
    not like today, you travel all over the world.
  • 00:37:15
    You go, you see oceans.
  • 00:37:16
    For that many people, that would be
  • 00:37:17
    the only place that would they would stay,
  • 00:37:20
    unless, you know, going to Jerusalem
  • 00:37:22
    and you don't see any other sea on the way.
  • 00:37:24
    So that's the Sea of Galilee.
  • 00:37:26
    It was also called in the Bible,
  • 00:37:27
    the Sea of Tiberias, for example.
  • 00:37:29
    But yeah, this is Galilee.
  • 00:37:31
    This is their sea, although it's a lake.
  • 00:37:32
    - And there is so much here
  • 00:37:34
    that took place in the life of Jesus:
  • 00:37:36
    the feeding of 5000 human beings,
  • 00:37:38
    which is just crazy to imagine being on this hillside.
  • 00:37:42
    - We don't know the exact spot, of course,
  • 00:37:44
    where Jesus was feeding those 5000.
  • 00:37:46
    But we know that Jesus was here
  • 00:37:48
    in those low hills around the lake.
  • 00:37:50
    And this is where people would also
  • 00:37:52
    be attracted to Him, they would follow Him.
  • 00:37:53
    They would see His boat sailing from one place to the other.
  • 00:37:56
    And it says in the scriptures that people
  • 00:37:58
    would run and they would search for Him,
  • 00:37:59
    and they would just be waiting, in a sense,
  • 00:38:02
    to meet Him and be healed, be fed,
  • 00:38:05
    all those kind of different things that they would do.
  • 00:38:07
    - This week we're talking about father,
  • 00:38:09
    and I think that's so good because
  • 00:38:11
    Jesus walked in the authority of His Father,
  • 00:38:14
    and He would show that authority to us
  • 00:38:16
    as sons and daughters, kind of gathering to us.
  • 00:38:19
    The main reason we're even here is that 5000 concept
  • 00:38:25
    is only because He had what a Father has,
  • 00:38:27
    which is compassion. He had mercy.
  • 00:38:30
    He saw that they were going to be hungry.
  • 00:38:31
    - Exactly.
  • 00:38:33
    You know, Jesus said, "Me and the Father are one,"
  • 00:38:35
    and we call God the Father.
  • 00:38:37
    So that was a big part of Jesus being a Father
  • 00:38:41
    to see all His, in a sense, children.
  • 00:38:44
    And it doesn't matter if they were followers of Jesus or not,
  • 00:38:47
    He looked at us as His children and He wanted --
  • 00:38:50
    He cares for His children.
  • 00:38:51
    So some are going in the wrong way
  • 00:38:53
    and some follow Him, but He came for everyone.
  • 00:38:56
    That's the point of a father, you know,
  • 00:38:58
    he cares for all his children,
  • 00:39:00
    even if some are on the wrong way.
  • 00:39:02
    - What was it about this story and this location
  • 00:39:05
    that when we were talking about,
  • 00:39:06
    "Hey, this week we want to talk about
  • 00:39:08
    this primal DNA of father," what was it about this
  • 00:39:11
    that made you go, "Oh, this would be the perfect story?"
  • 00:39:14
    - Because when we think about Jesus as a father
  • 00:39:16
    and again, we go through His different characters,
  • 00:39:18
    in a sense, one of the major things
  • 00:39:21
    that you see is that He cared.
  • 00:39:23
    He had compassion for those crowds.
  • 00:39:26
    Now, if you have 3000 or 4000 or 5000 people
  • 00:39:29
    following you, you know, when we are now doing
  • 00:39:32
    what we are doing right now, we always take care
  • 00:39:34
    that we will have water, we will have things around us.
  • 00:39:37
    But those people were just following Him.
  • 00:39:39
    And you see the compassion, He cared for them
  • 00:39:42
    where they would sit. If it's a good grass,
  • 00:39:44
    if it's nice stone so they can sit
  • 00:39:47
    and feel comfortable, if maybe there is shade,
  • 00:39:49
    if there is food around, they can be fed.
  • 00:39:51
    It's not just, "Okay, I'm coming here.
  • 00:39:53
    I'm the superstar.
  • 00:39:54
    I'm preaching for one hour and I'm gone.
  • 00:39:56
    You know, I have My staff around Me
  • 00:39:58
    that will take care of Me as My disciples," so-called.
  • 00:40:01
    No, He always thought of them as a father,
  • 00:40:03
    first of all, and then Himself.
  • 00:40:06
    - Right. Let the little children come to Me,
  • 00:40:08
    when they try to stop them, all those things.
  • 00:40:10
    - Yeah.
  • 00:40:11
    - What's so compelling to me about that
  • 00:40:13
    is that the story of the 5000,
  • 00:40:15
    the compassion that He had in the moment
  • 00:40:17
    to feed them was, of course, physical,
  • 00:40:19
    but it was so that they would believe
  • 00:40:21
    He could do something in the spiritual,
  • 00:40:23
    that they could believe He wants to feed them
  • 00:40:25
    every day, daily bread, daily spiritual bread,
  • 00:40:28
    daily help, daily compassion, daily care,
  • 00:40:31
    daily mercy, daily favor, daily grace.
  • 00:40:34
    Over and over, you know, it was so that.
  • 00:40:36
    And so just being here. - Yeah.
  • 00:40:39
    - Sometimes I want my weekly loaf, I'll be honest.
  • 00:40:42
    Sometimes I want my weekly bread.
  • 00:40:43
    And He's like, "I'll give you enough
  • 00:40:45
    to get through today. - Yeah.
  • 00:40:47
    - Now, when you think of of a father or a mother,
  • 00:40:50
    you know, it's exactly that sense that you are
  • 00:40:53
    sometimes you are tired, you are hungry,
  • 00:40:56
    you are exhausted, but still
  • 00:40:58
    you do first for your children in a sense.
  • 00:41:00
    And I think you see that with Jesus,
  • 00:41:01
    He was exhausted, you know, from the physical point of view,
  • 00:41:05
    but still He is there for them.
  • 00:41:07
    And then at night, you know, He sends them away.
  • 00:41:10
    And He spent time kind of recharging His batteries,
  • 00:41:13
    praying, you know, to the Father,
  • 00:41:14
    and He's there with His Father.
  • 00:41:16
    But the moment, you know, the crowds are there,
  • 00:41:19
    He's back to the crowds again and again and again,
  • 00:41:21
    His children, in a sense.
  • 00:41:22
    So He put himself always second to His children.
  • 00:41:25
    - That's right. - And even if you aren't
  • 00:41:27
    a parent of DNA children, like, I find myself
  • 00:41:32
    just walking with some women in my life.
  • 00:41:35
    You know, I got some friends who are
  • 00:41:38
    kind of parents to some of their younger siblings.
  • 00:41:40
    You still need this same grace that you're talking about,
  • 00:41:42
    you still need this same Jesus to provide
  • 00:41:45
    the daily bread that you're talking about.
  • 00:41:47
    You still need to be able to ask Him to help you
  • 00:41:50
    because you're like, "Wait, what?
  • 00:41:51
    I'm supposed to be trying to help them in some way?"
  • 00:41:54
    So I think this applies,
  • 00:41:56
    whether you're a natural father and mother,
  • 00:41:58
    whether you're an adoptive father and mother,
  • 00:42:00
    or a foster father and mother,
  • 00:42:02
    a plant foster, you know, father, mother,
  • 00:42:05
    discipling somebody,
  • 00:42:07
    friend to someone in a motherly relationship,
  • 00:42:09
    whatever that is, I think it applies.
  • 00:42:12
    So that's good. Thanks for bringing us here, Tsuriel.
  • 00:42:15
    - Yeah. - It's just beautiful. - It is stunning.
  • 00:42:23
    - If you're a mother or a father in any way,
  • 00:42:26
    maybe it's your own kids,
  • 00:42:28
    maybe it's mentoring people at work,
  • 00:42:30
    maybe it's a conversation with a friend
  • 00:42:31
    who's approaching to you going, "Hey,
  • 00:42:33
    help me with this situation. Give me your advice."
  • 00:42:35
    This story, this feeding of the 5000
  • 00:42:38
    has the encouragement and the instruction that you need.
  • 00:42:41
    The story starts pretty simply.
  • 00:42:42
    Jesus is here. He's healing people.
  • 00:42:44
    And everybody gets hungry.
  • 00:42:46
    He's teaching, and they're like, "We need food."
  • 00:42:49
    And rather than give it Himself,
  • 00:42:50
    Jesus looks at the disciples and He says,
  • 00:42:52
    "Hey, you give them something to eat."
  • 00:42:55
    Now, in this moment, the disciples make a mistake.
  • 00:42:59
    See, they look around and they're like,
  • 00:43:00
    "Do you have bread? Do you? Do you have bread?
  • 00:43:03
    Oh, you don't? Shoot. What do we do?"
  • 00:43:05
    So they respond with a sarcastic response to Jesus.
  • 00:43:08
    They say this:
  • 00:43:16
    Which is basically, like, "Jesus,
  • 00:43:18
    we don't have what it takes.
  • 00:43:20
    We don't have $2 million to provide for these people
  • 00:43:22
    because it's 5000 men, plus women,
  • 00:43:24
    plus children, 20,000 people.
  • 00:43:27
    We don't have what it takes."
  • 00:43:28
    Which the encouragement of this story is not,
  • 00:43:31
    "Yes, you do. You do have what it takes."
  • 00:43:34
    It's not true.
  • 00:43:35
    See, the mistake the disciples make
  • 00:43:37
    is they forget that their Father
  • 00:43:39
    is standing right next to them.
  • 00:43:41
    Jesus, who had healed all those people,
  • 00:43:43
    who had performed miracles, who had provided
  • 00:43:46
    for exactly what each person who came to Him needed,
  • 00:43:49
    would provide for them too, if they would ask.
  • 00:43:54
    I don't know what role you're playing
  • 00:43:56
    as a mother or a father in your life today,
  • 00:43:59
    but I promise you you'll hit a moment
  • 00:44:01
    where you do not have what it takes.
  • 00:44:03
    Maybe it's when you get home from work
  • 00:44:05
    and your kids come to you and you don't have the energy.
  • 00:44:08
    Maybe it's when your teenager does something
  • 00:44:10
    again and again and you don't have the patience.
  • 00:44:13
    Maybe it's when your friend comes to you for advice
  • 00:44:15
    and you genuinely don't know what to say.
  • 00:44:18
    Maybe it's when you get a call from somebody
  • 00:44:20
    from far away saying, "Hey, I'm working through
  • 00:44:22
    this decision, can you help me?" And you don't know.
  • 00:44:25
    I don't know what it's going to be,
  • 00:44:26
    but I promise you, if you'll ask your Father
  • 00:44:30
    to provide you with the bread to hand to them,
  • 00:44:35
    He will.
  • 00:44:36
    Luke 11:11 Jesus said this:
  • 00:44:52
    He goes, "Look, look. Let me tell you a secret
  • 00:44:56
    about being a parent with me.
  • 00:44:58
    I have everything you need. I have it all.
  • 00:45:02
    I've got like a giant storehouse of bread in heaven.
  • 00:45:05
    And I will take it out
  • 00:45:06
    and hand you the piece you need today."
  • 00:45:09
    In Matthew six, Jesus talks about praying
  • 00:45:12
    and he says, "Ask for your daily bread."
  • 00:45:14
    What's the bread you need today?
  • 00:45:16
    If it's patience, if it's grace,
  • 00:45:18
    if it's truth, if it's understanding,
  • 00:45:20
    if it's wisdom, I don't know what it is.
  • 00:45:22
    Whatever that thing is, ask your Father in Heaven
  • 00:45:26
    to give it to you to empower you to be
  • 00:45:28
    the mother and father He's called you to be,
  • 00:45:31
    and He will.
  • 00:45:35
    Let's join Brian in the ancient city of Dan,
  • 00:45:38
    where we can learn more about being a father or mother
  • 00:45:41
    from David's greatest failure as a father.
  • 00:45:55
    - We're in Tel Dan, Tel means mound.
  • 00:45:58
    In the archeological world, you look for mounds
  • 00:46:01
    and it's probably an old ruin.
  • 00:46:02
    And so this is an old ruin that's been uncovered.
  • 00:46:04
    It's really cool.
  • 00:46:06
    And part of why it's cool is this is the place
  • 00:46:09
    where David was verified as an actual historical figure.
  • 00:46:13
    So this is a city that David actually wasn't in.
  • 00:46:16
    This city would have inhabited future kings
  • 00:46:20
    on his downline 150 years, 200 years, 300 years after him.
  • 00:46:24
    We're here because it represents a key moment
  • 00:46:27
    in David's life.
  • 00:46:29
    This will be known as the king's seat.
  • 00:46:32
    You've got the gates of the city.
  • 00:46:35
    People would come into the gates looking for justice,
  • 00:46:38
    looking for ruling.
  • 00:46:39
    And this is where the Kings would sit
  • 00:46:41
    or his administration, somebody he had delegated to
  • 00:46:45
    to give justice.
  • 00:46:48
    This seat reminds me of, obviously,
  • 00:46:51
    one of the primal identities that David nailed,
  • 00:46:55
    was King. He really nailed that one.
  • 00:46:59
    And he was good in that.
  • 00:47:00
    But there's other ones he was awful.
  • 00:47:03
    Specifically, one of them that he was
  • 00:47:06
    really, really -- he sucked at it really, really bad.
  • 00:47:09
    And that was the primal role of being a father.
  • 00:47:12
    I'm talking about being a father or being a mother.
  • 00:47:16
    Before I tell you how bad David was,
  • 00:47:18
    just to encourage you.
  • 00:47:21
    I like it when the Bible shows us people
  • 00:47:24
    who have problems, because I say I can relate to you.
  • 00:47:29
    David is one of those things, one of those people.
  • 00:47:31
    He does amazing things and he's got major outages.
  • 00:47:36
    All of us are going to have an outage
  • 00:47:39
    inside of these primal identities,
  • 00:47:42
    but we've got to unearth it.
  • 00:47:43
    We've got to take away the dirt from it
  • 00:47:45
    and let it spring to life.
  • 00:47:47
    When it came to being a dad, he struggled.
  • 00:47:50
    He was not good at it at all.
  • 00:47:54
    Why would this be?
  • 00:47:56
    Well, if we think about
  • 00:47:58
    how David was treated as by Jesse,
  • 00:48:03
    we remember that if he wasn't a bastard,
  • 00:48:07
    he was actually treated like a bastard.
  • 00:48:11
    Psalm 27:10 is a reflection of David,
  • 00:48:16
    it's his own poetry.
  • 00:48:18
    And he say, "My father and my mother have forsaken me."
  • 00:48:25
    He felt like he was abandoned by them.
  • 00:48:28
    By the way, speaking of mother,
  • 00:48:30
    we really have no references to David's mother at all.
  • 00:48:33
    We know he had one, but there's no references
  • 00:48:36
    to his mother at all.
  • 00:48:37
    All of the family references of David
  • 00:48:40
    when he was a boy are all negative.
  • 00:48:42
    We don't know anything about his mother.
  • 00:48:44
    We don't know she was doing.
  • 00:48:45
    Don't know her name.
  • 00:48:47
    We know for his father, Jesse, he was trying
  • 00:48:51
    to ignore that he had his youngest son.
  • 00:48:53
    He wasn't willing to show him to the prophet Samuel
  • 00:48:55
    because, "Well, there's one, my least,
  • 00:48:58
    who's out keeping keeping the sheep."
  • 00:49:00
    David did not come from an affirming family environment.
  • 00:49:05
    Am I ringing anybody's bell here? Anybody home?
  • 00:49:09
    I know a lot of people have this issue.
  • 00:49:13
    The challenge is when this is all we know
  • 00:49:20
    as a family structure, it's really hard
  • 00:49:25
    to reproduce something different
  • 00:49:27
    when we actually have our own family.
  • 00:49:30
    And by the way, being a father and a mother
  • 00:49:33
    isn't just when you have biological children.
  • 00:49:36
    You're a father or you're a mother when you adopt.
  • 00:49:40
    When you tutor at risk children
  • 00:49:44
    you're taking on a fathering and mothering identity.
  • 00:49:47
    Even when you do something like sponsor a child
  • 00:49:50
    with Compassion International,
  • 00:49:52
    you're taking responsibility for that child.
  • 00:49:55
    That's what fathers and mothers do.
  • 00:49:57
    They take responsibility for someone,
  • 00:49:59
    they can't check out. They don't check out.
  • 00:50:02
    They take responsibility.
  • 00:50:05
    I've had people in my life
  • 00:50:06
    who've been a father figure to me.
  • 00:50:08
    Gil Hopkins, he died a number of years ago.
  • 00:50:10
    He was my spiritual grandfather.
  • 00:50:13
    I found out that he lived in Cincinnati
  • 00:50:15
    and he led to Christ the person who led me to Christ.
  • 00:50:19
    Blew me away when I learned that.
  • 00:50:20
    Gil was the first person
  • 00:50:23
    I wept like a baby for when he died.
  • 00:50:27
    I did that because he was the first father figure
  • 00:50:30
    I had that had passed, and it wrecked me.
  • 00:50:34
    You can be a father figure to somebody
  • 00:50:37
    you have a discipleship relationship with,
  • 00:50:39
    somebody you take responsibility for
  • 00:50:41
    spiritually and emotionally.
  • 00:50:45
    David struggled with taking responsibility
  • 00:50:49
    for his kids, doing the right thing for his kids,
  • 00:50:51
    and also doing the right thing by other people.
  • 00:50:55
    He was passive, not a good thing
  • 00:51:00
    when we just allow life to happen to us.
  • 00:51:02
    Look at his family life; very, very passive.
  • 00:51:04
    He's got a son named Amnon who rapes his half sister, Tamar.
  • 00:51:10
    David does nothing about it.
  • 00:51:11
    He's very absent. He's very, very passive.
  • 00:51:14
    Then he has another son, Absalom, who takes vengeance
  • 00:51:18
    and kills his other half brother, Amnon.
  • 00:51:21
    And David again does nothing about that.
  • 00:51:24
    He's so passive in his family
  • 00:51:26
    he doesn't know how to engage.
  • 00:51:28
    Absalom gets kicked out of the kingdom.
  • 00:51:31
    Absalom goes out of the kingdom,
  • 00:51:33
    and he garners a bunch of support,
  • 00:51:35
    a bunch of warriors, and he leads a coup against his dad.
  • 00:51:39
    And his dad does nothing.
  • 00:51:43
    He comes to the gates of Jerusalem.
  • 00:51:45
    When you come to the gates, you will come for justice.
  • 00:51:48
    You will come to that king's seat.
  • 00:51:50
    And you would say, "I had this happen to me.
  • 00:51:52
    Could you take care of this?
  • 00:51:54
    Could you dole out this fine?
  • 00:51:56
    Could you help in this way?"
  • 00:51:57
    That's part of what the king would do,
  • 00:51:58
    he would bring justice.
  • 00:52:00
    Well, Absalom comes outside the gates
  • 00:52:03
    on the way to where that justice would happen,
  • 00:52:05
    and he tries to tell the people, "Hey,
  • 00:52:08
    I'm going to give you justice.
  • 00:52:10
    My dad's not going to give you justice.
  • 00:52:12
    He's too passive."
  • 00:52:14
    He basically leads a campaign saying, "Hey,
  • 00:52:19
    vote for Absalom, vote for Absalom, vote for Absalom."
  • 00:52:23
    Come on, I have some people here.
  • 00:52:24
    I need to get some -- I need to get some votes.
  • 00:52:27
    Here, would you like to vote for Absalom?
  • 00:52:28
    Come on. Vote. Vote for Absalom right here.
  • 00:52:30
    This is your hat. Come on, vote for --
  • 00:52:32
    Would you like a hat Vote for Absalom?
  • 00:52:35
    Yes. Good, there. I just got a vote.
  • 00:52:38
    Good. Thank you. No. You can -- my gift to you.
  • 00:52:40
    Just remember, vote for Absalom.
  • 00:52:42
    Vote for Absalom. All right.
  • 00:52:45
    He's outside the gate saying, "Come, come.
  • 00:52:50
    I'll give you justice."
  • 00:52:52
    He's basically saying, "I'll father you.
  • 00:52:55
    My father isn't fathering you.
  • 00:52:57
    My father isn't taking care of you.
  • 00:52:59
    I'll take care of you."
  • 00:53:01
    Friends, this is a bad, bad, bad thing.
  • 00:53:04
    And David does nothing. Nothing.
  • 00:53:12
    I'm actually encouraged by this in a strange way,
  • 00:53:14
    because I'm a father.
  • 00:53:17
    I'm a father on a number of different levels,
  • 00:53:19
    just as a DNA father having 3 DNA kids of my own,
  • 00:53:24
    I have made major mistakes.
  • 00:53:28
    I have, I'll just go through some of
  • 00:53:30
    my major mistakes with each of my 3 kids.
  • 00:53:33
    My son, I felt it was my job to toughen him up,
  • 00:53:36
    make him a good man, and I overreached many, many times.
  • 00:53:40
    I was too hard on him.
  • 00:53:41
    One time we were praying at a family event
  • 00:53:44
    and I was a real stickler, like, when we pray to God,
  • 00:53:47
    thank him for our meal, you need to be engaged.
  • 00:53:49
    And I looked over and my son --
  • 00:53:53
    Getting emotional thinking about it.
  • 00:53:55
    He took his great grandmother's hand
  • 00:54:01
    and was kissing her hand during prayer.
  • 00:54:04
    And I saw that as a violation
  • 00:54:06
    of what we should be doing and I disciplined him,
  • 00:54:08
    I spanked him for it.
  • 00:54:09
    And I did a bad job.
  • 00:54:11
    So there's a good, there's a right way to spank
  • 00:54:13
    and a wrong way and a right time and a wrong time.
  • 00:54:15
    It's a very long, drawn out process,
  • 00:54:17
    if you choose to do that, if you do it right.
  • 00:54:19
    And I broke all the rules. It was awful.
  • 00:54:22
    My youngest daughter, I was just stressed out in life,
  • 00:54:26
    and I was at the end of my rope.
  • 00:54:28
    And she was in this cartwheel phase.
  • 00:54:30
    She's just doing cartwheels,
  • 00:54:32
    just cartwheels and cartwheels.
  • 00:54:33
    And I was so sick of seeing cartwheels.
  • 00:54:35
    I was so frustrated in my life.
  • 00:54:36
    I was at the end of my rope and I said,
  • 00:54:38
    "Just stop doing the cartwheels."
  • 00:54:46
    And I could -- I could see that in that moment,
  • 00:54:51
    I kind of crushed your spirit.
  • 00:54:53
    It was tough. It was really tough.
  • 00:54:54
    And I've apologized. I apologize
  • 00:54:56
    to all of my kids about these things many, many times.
  • 00:54:58
    Because when a dad doesn't do his job, it hurts.
  • 00:55:01
    It hurts them, and it hurts me.
  • 00:55:03
    My oldest daughter, she -- I thought that
  • 00:55:06
    I really needed to develop her spiritually in unique way.
  • 00:55:09
    She went to school at University of Cincinnati.
  • 00:55:12
    And for some reason I had this thought of,
  • 00:55:14
    "You've been under the tutelage of Crossroads,
  • 00:55:17
    been Crossroads your whole life, helped start the church.
  • 00:55:19
    This will be really good for your spiritual formation
  • 00:55:21
    if you don't go to Crossroads
  • 00:55:23
    your freshman year of college.
  • 00:55:24
    Find another church out there.
  • 00:55:26
    My heart was to expand her spiritual horizons,
  • 00:55:29
    but I ended up hurting her.
  • 00:55:39
    I yanked away from her
  • 00:55:41
    her spiritual community she had for 18 years,
  • 00:55:54
    and in a very stressful time being away from home,
  • 00:55:58
    first year of college.
  • 00:55:59
    What she should have had as a backstop,
  • 00:56:02
    she didn't because I took her it away from her.
  • 00:56:04
    Now these are just three of my faults.
  • 00:56:08
    We could keep going on and on.
  • 00:56:09
    If you've got faults as a mother or a father,
  • 00:56:12
    I get you. I understand.
  • 00:56:13
    We're not going to dwell on the past anymore today.
  • 00:56:15
    We're going to think about the future.
  • 00:56:17
    How do we father people and mother people?
  • 00:56:20
    Because it is who we are, it's a core identity.
  • 00:56:31
    While everyone has these primal identities,
  • 00:56:35
    all of us will have some of them were natural in,
  • 00:56:38
    and others of us will have ones we feel
  • 00:56:40
    completely awkward and unable to do.
  • 00:56:43
    David, for instance, warrior.
  • 00:56:45
    I think he came out of the womb ready to fight.
  • 00:56:47
    When it came to father,
  • 00:56:51
    woo, he just never quite got there.
  • 00:56:55
    He was behind the eight ball in understanding this
  • 00:56:57
    because of his parents.
  • 00:57:00
    And we have entire generations or communities
  • 00:57:03
    in America right now that seem to have
  • 00:57:05
    perpetual problems, difficulty getting ahead,
  • 00:57:07
    difficult with poverty, and much of it is due to
  • 00:57:11
    not having healthy mothers and fathers because
  • 00:57:15
    there wasn't healthy mothers and fathers
  • 00:57:17
    the previous generation,
  • 00:57:18
    and now they can't healthily parent this generation
  • 00:57:21
    to give them basic skills to be able
  • 00:57:23
    to get ahead financially.
  • 00:57:24
    This is a critical thing.
  • 00:57:26
    Parents prepare the next generation
  • 00:57:28
    for an entire country.
  • 00:57:30
    David replicates behaviors that his father had.
  • 00:57:35
    His father was unwilling to call him a son.
  • 00:57:39
    He is called out by the prophet Samuel,
  • 00:57:44
    "I think you have a son here."
  • 00:57:45
    And Jesse goes through all these different sons,
  • 00:57:48
    unwilling to acknowledge David as son.
  • 00:57:50
    And finally only as a last resort, he said,
  • 00:57:53
    "Well, there is the youngest, actually, my least.
  • 00:57:57
    Here he is." Calls him out.
  • 00:57:59
    Doesn't even call him, volunteer him up as his son.
  • 00:58:02
    David when he hears that Absalom has died in battle,
  • 00:58:07
    the civil war has been fought.
  • 00:58:09
    David's men have won.
  • 00:58:10
    David has given instruction: Do not kill my son.
  • 00:58:14
    When he hears word of what happened, he asks,
  • 00:58:17
    "What happened with the man Absalom?"
  • 00:58:22
    The man Absalom.
  • 00:58:24
    He doesn't say what happened with my son,
  • 00:58:26
    the man Absalom. He's just like his father, Jesse.
  • 00:58:30
    He doesn't want to claim him publicly.
  • 00:58:33
    Then as he hears the news that Absalom is dead
  • 00:58:38
    and it's like this Cushite, who gives the news,
  • 00:58:41
    doesn't even know that he's his son.
  • 00:58:43
    It's like there's some separation there.
  • 00:58:45
    David then goes off by himself and says this:
  • 00:59:03
    He weeps and weeps.
  • 00:59:05
    "I can't believe this happened.
  • 00:59:07
    My son, my son, my son, my son, my son."
  • 00:59:10
    You know how many times that was said?
  • 00:59:12
    I don't think anybody in their heart
  • 00:59:14
    wants to be a bad parent.
  • 00:59:16
    And we see this with David.
  • 00:59:18
    He recognizes that he's had some difficulties,
  • 00:59:20
    but he brings it out.
  • 00:59:21
    It's actually interesting.
  • 00:59:23
    Why are all of these examples of David in the Bible
  • 00:59:28
    negative relative to his parenting?
  • 00:59:32
    I believe the reason is that David
  • 00:59:34
    is sending us a message from the grave.
  • 00:59:36
    As the King, he would have some level of authority
  • 00:59:39
    over what would get in the official written record.
  • 00:59:41
    The reason why there isn't
  • 00:59:42
    a lot of manuscript evidence for Jesus
  • 00:59:46
    outside of people who were early followers
  • 00:59:49
    is because manuscripts were created by royalty,
  • 00:59:53
    that gets in the official record
  • 00:59:55
    and that's what gets unearthed.
  • 00:59:57
    I think David makes sure what gets
  • 00:59:59
    in the official record is,
  • 01:00:01
    "Hey, put in my whole story as a father.
  • 01:00:03
    I really messed up on this. Make sure that's in there.
  • 01:00:06
    Make sure people can see and learn from me."
  • 01:00:08
    We're not going to be able to look at David
  • 01:00:10
    as to how he walked in this identity.
  • 01:00:13
    Instead, we're going to find other models,
  • 01:00:14
    like, here's a good model Jesus.
  • 01:00:16
    That's always the answer.
  • 01:00:18
    He's always the good model.
  • 01:00:19
    We see Him likening Himself and acting
  • 01:00:22
    as the mother and father He should be.
  • 01:00:25
    He looks on a people who are hurting and battered
  • 01:00:27
    and bruised, and He likens Himself to a mother.
  • 01:00:31
    This is what it says in Matthew 23:37:
  • 01:00:48
    He says, "I'm a mother who wants to nurture,
  • 01:00:51
    put out my wings and have you under my shade."
  • 01:00:54
    Likens Himself to a mother,
  • 01:00:57
    get our understanding of it from Him.
  • 01:00:59
    Then the book of John chapter 14 He says this:
  • 01:01:18
    Jesus says, "If you want to know how the Father is,
  • 01:01:21
    look at me."
  • 01:01:22
    He is not only the Heavenly Father,
  • 01:01:25
    He's also the ultimate Father,
  • 01:01:27
    even though He never had any DNA kids.
  • 01:01:32
    This identity can be practiced
  • 01:01:34
    when you've never had children because
  • 01:01:37
    everyone wants to be fathered and mothered,
  • 01:01:40
    everybody wants a mother figure or a father figure.
  • 01:01:44
    So let's spend the rest of our time together today
  • 01:01:47
    talking about as we father, whoever it is,
  • 01:01:52
    what are the key elements, or at least three of them?
  • 01:01:55
    There's more, I don't have time for any more than 3.
  • 01:01:58
    So let's talk about those.
  • 01:02:04
    What great fathers and mothers do is they have
  • 01:02:06
    an endless capacity to serve, endless effort.
  • 01:02:11
    I don't say endless energy,
  • 01:02:12
    because none of us have endless energy
  • 01:02:14
    because it gets tiring.
  • 01:02:16
    But this is part of why I think there's
  • 01:02:17
    a level of selflessness that most people never attain to
  • 01:02:21
    unless you have your own children.
  • 01:02:23
    Because when your friends annoy you,
  • 01:02:25
    you're like, "Oh, whatever, I'm done with you,
  • 01:02:27
    get out of here," or might even, like,
  • 01:02:29
    disown a friend eventually.
  • 01:02:30
    But your kids, like, you can't.
  • 01:02:32
    They cry in the middle night, you've got to get up.
  • 01:02:34
    When they have a financial hardship at age 19,
  • 01:02:37
    you don't say, "Well, sorry, you're 18.
  • 01:02:39
    You're an adult." You just can't.
  • 01:02:41
    There's endless effort to serve.
  • 01:02:44
    It never, ever stops.
  • 01:02:46
    This identity of ours actually forms our character.
  • 01:02:51
    Jesus did ministry, most of His ministry,
  • 01:02:54
    in the region where I am right here at Tel Dan.
  • 01:02:56
    This is the Sea of Galilee, right here,
  • 01:02:58
    Tiberius, right beneath me.
  • 01:03:00
    And when people would come up to Him
  • 01:03:02
    who needed to be served, who had issues,
  • 01:03:05
    they would say, "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy."
  • 01:03:10
    They were linking Jesus to David.
  • 01:03:12
    "Jesus, son of David, have mercy on me.
  • 01:03:15
    Would you please serve me?"
  • 01:03:17
    Parents never stop serving.
  • 01:03:22
    Another thing that we do as parents
  • 01:03:24
    is that we give wise teaching.
  • 01:03:27
    Maybe one thing that David did pretty well,
  • 01:03:30
    we can infer this, is that he passed on wisdom to Solomon.
  • 01:03:35
    Solomon, his successor, was known as
  • 01:03:37
    the wisest man in the world.
  • 01:03:39
    And I've got to think that David gave him some wisdom.
  • 01:03:42
    He's at the very end of his life.
  • 01:03:45
    David is on his deathbed, calls in Solomon.
  • 01:03:49
    And here's how it goes down 1 Kings 2:1:
  • 01:04:18
    What kind of wise teaching
  • 01:04:19
    might David have given Solomon? What kind of wisdom?
  • 01:04:21
    We don't know all of it, but I'm sure he impacted him.
  • 01:04:24
    And this is what fathers and mothers do.
  • 01:04:27
    Whether you're fathering or mothering a child
  • 01:04:29
    who is at risk or somebody you're a mother figure for,
  • 01:04:32
    you just want to give him insight.
  • 01:04:34
    I've tried to deal with my kids,
  • 01:04:35
    and I'm so thankful where my kids ended up
  • 01:04:38
    in the midst of all my issues.
  • 01:04:40
    They've turned out really, really well.
  • 01:04:43
    And I've seen the marks of my teaching on them,
  • 01:04:46
    not just because they all know Jesus
  • 01:04:48
    and they're walking with Jesus, but also
  • 01:04:50
    they're all in pretty good shape financially
  • 01:04:52
    because I drilled into them,
  • 01:04:54
    "Do not go into credit card debt. Don't.
  • 01:04:58
    And buy an old broken down jalopy
  • 01:05:00
    before getting yourself into a 5, 6, 7 year car loan.
  • 01:05:04
    Don't, don't do it."
  • 01:05:05
    Just wisdom that I've learned that I've passed on.
  • 01:05:08
    It's what parents do, what ever wisdom of, like,
  • 01:05:11
    who's the kind of person you should date?
  • 01:05:13
    A lot of us, a lot of us have had
  • 01:05:15
    a really hard marriage
  • 01:05:16
    and maybe a really painful divorce,
  • 01:05:18
    because our parents didn't help us out at all
  • 01:05:21
    in choosing a mate and giving us wisdom
  • 01:05:23
    on what somebody should be like
  • 01:05:25
    and what we might want to say on a date, all that stuff.
  • 01:05:28
    Parents give wisdom.
  • 01:05:30
    And then also parents that give painful discipline.
  • 01:05:37
    Of all my foibles,
  • 01:05:38
    I've got some really bad discipline moments.
  • 01:05:40
    I think all my kids would say on the whole,
  • 01:05:42
    dad did a really good job on this.
  • 01:05:44
    And when I say painful discipline,
  • 01:05:46
    I don't mean putting pain on your kids.
  • 01:05:51
    I mean for us as parents, when we discipline,
  • 01:05:54
    it's painful, hard on us.
  • 01:05:58
    This is the barrack area of this city.
  • 01:06:02
    It's where the military would have been.
  • 01:06:05
    It's where David might have been
  • 01:06:07
    most accustomed to being with the men,
  • 01:06:09
    with the warriors.
  • 01:06:10
    And one of the things that every military warrior has
  • 01:06:13
    is a good level of discipline
  • 01:06:15
    because it's been drilled into them,
  • 01:06:17
    because if they don't understand the right things
  • 01:06:19
    and do the right things, they will die on the field of battle.
  • 01:06:23
    This is why parents discipline their kids,
  • 01:06:26
    they want them to live a long, prosperous life,
  • 01:06:29
    as David said to Solomon on his dying deathbed.
  • 01:06:33
    And it's hard.
  • 01:06:34
    I don't mean hard painful on your kids
  • 01:06:36
    so much as it's hard for you.
  • 01:06:37
    Every time you discipline your children,
  • 01:06:40
    your life is the worst, right?
  • 01:06:42
    You ground your kids,
  • 01:06:43
    and now they're got to stick around the weekend
  • 01:06:45
    and you don't really want to be there on the weekend.
  • 01:06:47
    They do something really stupid with the car,
  • 01:06:49
    and you got to take the car keys,
  • 01:06:50
    and now you got to get back
  • 01:06:51
    to shuttling them all over the place.
  • 01:06:53
    It's painful for you, but you do it anyway
  • 01:06:57
    because you love your kids and you want the best for them.
  • 01:07:00
    That's what fathers and mothers do.
  • 01:07:02
    Hebrews 12:5-6 teased this out.
  • 01:07:05
    It's what God does for us.
  • 01:07:06
    It's painful when we're disciplined,
  • 01:07:08
    but God does it because He's a good parent.
  • 01:07:10
    Here's what it says, Hebrews 12:5-6:
  • 01:07:26
    If you want to be in the family of God,
  • 01:07:27
    you're going to get fathered by Him,
  • 01:07:29
    which means you're going to get disciplined by Him.
  • 01:07:34
    Maybe of all these disciplines, this one
  • 01:07:36
    might be the most yearned for and longed for by people.
  • 01:07:40
    Everyone wants to be mothered and fathered.
  • 01:07:42
    These days at Crossroads I'm leaning into
  • 01:07:46
    my father identity more than any one else.
  • 01:07:50
    There's an organizational dynamic to Crossroads.
  • 01:07:53
    It's a large organization.
  • 01:07:54
    We've got a large budget, there's a lot of staff,
  • 01:07:56
    and there is some business elements.
  • 01:07:59
    You've got to balance the budget,
  • 01:08:02
    not just go into more debt. You've got to balance it.
  • 01:08:04
    You've got to get the right staff in,
  • 01:08:07
    and you've got to invite the wrong staff to get off staff.
  • 01:08:10
    You've got to figure out vision, strategy, objectives.
  • 01:08:13
    There is a CEO type of function in my job,
  • 01:08:17
    but when I'm making decisions these days,
  • 01:08:19
    I'm thinking mostly about a father.
  • 01:08:21
    What do I do as a father?
  • 01:08:23
    How do I father the staff?
  • 01:08:26
    How do I father the people who I'm building into spiritually?
  • 01:08:28
    A couple of examples.
  • 01:08:30
    I've got a guy who I've been in
  • 01:08:32
    a men's group with for a while.
  • 01:08:34
    He's got an infant child who's having significant issues.
  • 01:08:38
    Intensive care, just tough, tough stuff.
  • 01:08:43
    And so I'm paying special attention to call him
  • 01:08:45
    and encourage him and affirm him.
  • 01:08:48
    When I call and ask him how he's doing,
  • 01:08:50
    he always picks up, which is really strange
  • 01:08:54
    because this is a very, very busy guy.
  • 01:08:57
    And I know there's a high percentage
  • 01:08:58
    of calls that he doesn't pick up.
  • 01:09:00
    He picks up later when it fits into his schedule.
  • 01:09:03
    He always picks up for me.
  • 01:09:04
    I think it's because he notices, "Hey,
  • 01:09:07
    BT is calling me.
  • 01:09:09
    I think it's going to give me a shot of fatherhood,
  • 01:09:11
    a shot of encouragement,"
  • 01:09:12
    and that's exactly what I do.
  • 01:09:15
    And I call him, I could hear him on the line.
  • 01:09:17
    He's kind of -- he's getting weepy because
  • 01:09:19
    I'm saying, "Hey, dude, you're doing a great job.
  • 01:09:21
    This is a this is a moment where men rise up
  • 01:09:24
    and you're leading your family well,
  • 01:09:26
    you're doing great. I'm proud of you."
  • 01:09:29
    And I could tell it affects him
  • 01:09:30
    because I'm fathering him in that time.
  • 01:09:34
    There's a guy who reached out to me,
  • 01:09:36
    and he was a pastor and basically got --
  • 01:09:41
    Well, he's not at his church anymore.
  • 01:09:42
    And so we've been texting back and forth.
  • 01:09:44
    I've been trying to encourage him.
  • 01:09:45
    Some time later, just a few weeks ago, actually,
  • 01:09:48
    he showed up at Crossroads, came up afterwards
  • 01:09:50
    and came down front.
  • 01:09:51
    I stayed down front wherever I preached at Crossroads
  • 01:09:54
    because I want to father people as they come forward.
  • 01:09:56
    I want to pastor them, answer their questions, pray for them.
  • 01:09:59
    So he comes forward. I've never seen him physically before.
  • 01:10:02
    And he says, "Hey, I'm the guy who--"
  • 01:10:04
    "Yeah, oh, good."
  • 01:10:05
    And as we were talking, something in that day
  • 01:10:08
    really hit him hard, I could tell.
  • 01:10:11
    And so as he turned around, as he was leaving,
  • 01:10:14
    my DNA, my primal DNA kicked in.
  • 01:10:18
    And it was like the Spirit of God said to me,
  • 01:10:21
    "Father, this guy."
  • 01:10:22
    And I said, "Hey, hey, just a minute."
  • 01:10:24
    And he turned around and I pulled him towards me,
  • 01:10:27
    and I put my hand in the back of his neck.
  • 01:10:30
    And I got close to his ear and I said,
  • 01:10:33
    "You're going to be fine."
  • 01:10:35
    And he just, like, melted right before me.
  • 01:10:41
    Did he react like that because
  • 01:10:42
    God gave me the exact words to say to him,
  • 01:10:45
    and that's why he melted?
  • 01:10:47
    Did he act like that because I was being
  • 01:10:49
    a father figure in that moment
  • 01:10:51
    and that's exactly what he needed? I don't know.
  • 01:10:54
    All I do know is in that moment,
  • 01:10:56
    I put on my father identity, I leaned into it.
  • 01:11:00
    Man, we start with David.
  • 01:11:02
    The first incident in his life is he's a son
  • 01:11:05
    who isn't treated like a son.
  • 01:11:07
    The last incident of his life
  • 01:11:08
    is when he's a father who's trying to finally
  • 01:11:10
    saying something to his son like, this is it, man.
  • 01:11:14
    Beginning and ending of all of our identities
  • 01:11:16
    is walking our sonship, walking as a parent before God.
  • 01:11:20
    And I'm going to tell you right now,
  • 01:11:21
    our world has never, ever been more in need
  • 01:11:24
    of more people who are secure
  • 01:11:27
    as the son and daughter of God. Never.
  • 01:11:29
    And our world has never, ever before
  • 01:11:31
    been more starving for father and mothers
  • 01:11:35
    than we are right now.
  • 01:11:36
    It's time for you to rise up, dust off that DNA.
  • 01:11:39
    It's in you. Dust it off.
  • 01:11:41
    Put yourself in the game.
  • 01:11:43
    God's people need you to be who He has created you to be.
  • 01:11:50
    - Hey, thanks for joining us today.
  • 01:11:51
    If you don't have it,
  • 01:11:52
    make sure you get the Crossroads Anywhere app.
  • 01:11:54
    It has all kinds of good stuff,
  • 01:11:56
    location based opportunities just for you,
  • 01:11:58
    you can catch up on content you've missed,
  • 01:12:00
    you can pray for others, you can ask for prayer,
  • 01:12:03
    you can read scripture, you can even journal,
  • 01:12:05
    and the list just goes on and on.
  • 01:12:07
    I particularly love the journals because
  • 01:12:09
    I've wondered before like, "Hey, what's Brian Tome
  • 01:12:11
    think when he reads the Bible in the morning?"
  • 01:12:13
    You can answer that question for yourself
  • 01:12:15
    and see how he and other people on our community
  • 01:12:18
    and on our staff team are reading the Bible
  • 01:12:20
    on their own, and you can put your own journal in too.
  • 01:12:23
    Download the app on Google Play
  • 01:12:25
    or the App Store today.
  • 01:12:27
    Now, don't miss next week on Real Encounters with God.
  • 01:12:32
    - Next week on Real Encounters with God,
  • 01:12:34
    we uncover David as a friend
  • 01:12:36
    and how we are all wired to be friends
  • 01:12:38
    and need friends like David's mighty men in our lives.
  • 01:12:43
    The six essential identities God
  • 01:12:45
    has woven into our primal DNA
  • 01:12:47
    are the key to having a life that works.
  • 01:12:50
    Don't miss out on discovering your spiritual roots
  • 01:12:53
    and unlocking the God given identity of friend within you.

Process, journal or discuss the themes of this article - here's a few questions to get the ball rolling...

Welcome to the Weekend-Follow Up! This is the group part of the Bible Challenge, so your questions are based on specific Bible passages from the weekend message. Each week, your group will discover what God might be saying to you, and how you can respond through a group discussion.

  1. If you could lead a campaign to declare 1 fast food restaurant as the ultimate fast food restaurant, which one would you pick? For the purposes of this discussion, any restaurant with a drive-thru is considered to be “fast food.”

  2. What stood out to you most from the video message?

  3. What’s your reaction to the idea that you can be a parent, whether or not you have biological kids?

  4. Where do you see the identity of father or mother showing up in your life?

  5. What’s a success you’ve had with one of your kids (biological or otherwise)? What’s a mistake you’ve made?

  6. What difficulties or baggage from your past are you carrying into your life as a parent today? Nothing you share here is too big or too small.

  7. Think of a person you feel responsibility for. What’s one step you can take to be a father or mother for them this week?

  8. Let’s end with prayer. You can say something like, “God, thank you so much for adopting us as your children. Thank you for giving us a seat at your table. Give us the faith to accept your gift, and extend that same gift to the people around us. Amen.”

More from the Weekend

Bonus Questions! Check these out if you’re on a roll and want to go a little deeper.

  • What’s a relationship in your life right now you’re thinking about stepping back from (or have already stepped back from) parenting in? What’s prompting that decision?
  • If you did decide to live as a parent, how do you think your life and relationships would change?

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(This stuff helps us figure out how many fruitcakes to make come December)

You must include at least one person

Got it! Enjoy your discussion.


Nov 5, 2023 1 hr 13 mins 5 sec

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