Sometimes, it feels like the entire world is on social media.
If you’re like me and folks of my generation (Gen-X and up), you are more apt to use Facebook, YouTube, LinkedIn, and Instagram. We use social media to stay in touch with family across the globe, make memories, tackle do-it-yourself (DIY) projects, and online shop.
But I wasn’t an early adopter. It took me five years after Facebook launched to post my first picture—a non-edited, non-filtered snapshot of girlfriends playing Bunco. But as I started, I found myself checking the apps whenever I had three seconds to kill, often wrestling with what to post and checking back repeatedly to see who “liked” my content and, more importantly, who commented.
Writing all that feels painfully real—and a little disappointing. I was being sucked in. I was falling for the distractions. Was there a solution?
Coming Up For Air
My generation is not unlike our children (and grandchildren). We have our feelings hurt when we realize there was a party we didn’t get invited to, and our comparisonitis jumps into action when someone got the new car, house, ring, or baby (and we didn’t). Whether it’s the endless comparison to what others have or the uncomfortable realization that acquaintances know personal details about our lives without ever having a conversation with us, I’ve seen how social media leaves me with more frustration than fulfillment.
This is by design. The silent thief that can steal our joy is the algorithms that decide the content and ads we see. According to an article by Sean Withington and Alexandra Punch, social media reinforces our downward spirals.
“The mechanics of social media are mood reinforcing. Computer algorithms designed to feed content to people based on themes they have already viewed or responded to create ‘filter bubbles’. In order to keep users online, these algorithms filter out content that is not likely to be of interest to the user and reinforce content that users regularly view. Any negative content is therefore reinforced by further negative content. Users that log into social media excessively may find themselves, when in a negative emotional state, unable to turn to traditional, more meaningful offline friendships for support.”
Nothing about this research is new. Many of us know the dangers of social media scrolling, but when we step back, it’s the real-life relationships that are taking the biggest hits:
I’ve observed it when a couple is out to dinner with each other, and although they are across from each other, both are staring intently at their screens.
I participate in fewer in-person conversations and much more texting or catching up on loved ones’ lives by viewing their posts.
I experience increasingly shallow conversations when together, and as soon as anyone is bored, a phone is pulled out, and the scrolling begins.
What can we do to go back to real-life relationships and authentic conversations?
Back To Reality
The answer I found is setting boundaries—and getting back to real life.
I am returning from a four-day Sabbath retreat. Fifteen couples agreed to take a break from work and routine to spend time listening for God. This break was reinforced by the fact that Wi-Fi and cell coverage were unavailable. We only had a landline for emergencies (and needing to check Instagram was not an emergency, as it turns out).
What did we experience?
- Long, lingering meal conversations.
- Deep, vulnerable experiences shared, even though we didn’t know the others before the retreat.
- People being present and engaged, with follow-up questions and additional dialogue the next day.
- Laughter!
It was as if taking our devices away brought our people and listening skills back and the ability to remember details. It was refreshing. And for those who fought the idea of being offline for four days, none of us wanted to fire up our devices.
You don’t need to get off the grid to reap the benefits of social media boundaries. Some friends have experienced success by limiting the time spent on social media sites, including setting alarms. They’ve also limited themselves to specific sites and platforms. Many have tried a “social media fast” by removing all platforms from their device for a month or two, using this newfound time to head out and interact with real-life friends.
A Freeing Promise
That retreat reminded me of a fundamental truth: We don’t need social media to feel validated. Our worth doesn’t come from likes, comments, or followers. I believe it comes from a much deeper source. The Bible tells us that we are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27) and chosen and loved by him (1 Peter 2:9-12). When we understand that and walk in that truth daily, the need for constant validation fades, and we stop relying on the comparison trap that social media so easily feeds. Even after four days off the apps, I noticed a significant change in my inner worth, peace, and identity.
If we embraced this truth, we’d probably giggle a little more and be less caught up in all the social media swirl. Our purchasing trends might switch from influencer buys to giving more generously. Our future posts might include a few more gratitude posts and inspiring quotes.
Here’s the reality: social media isn’t going anywhere. But that doesn’t mean it has to control our lives. Let’s set boundaries. Schedule breaks. Take trips and leave our devices behind. When we post, let’s share something that speaks to the deeper truths in your life. Let’s post Reels of real people doing real life.
Because when we stop seeking validation from screens and start investing in the relationships around us, we’ll rediscover the joy and connection we’ve been missing all along—with the God of the universe and the real people he’s made right in front of us.
Disclaimer: This article is 100% human-generated.
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At Crossroads, we major on the majors and minor on the minors. We welcome a diverse community of people who all agree that Jesus is Lord and Savior, even if they view minor theological and faith topics in different ways based on their unique experiences. Our various authors embody that principle, and we approach you, our reader, in the same fashion. You don’t have to agree with every detail of any article you see here to be part of this community or pursue faith. Chances are even our whole staff doesn’t even agree with every detail of what you just read. We are okay with that tension. And we think God is okay with that, too. The foundation of everything we do is a conviction that the Bible is true and that accepting Jesus is who he said he is leads to a healthy life of purpose and adventure—and eternal life with God.
