Ever made a mistake and felt riddled with shame? Me too.
Whether it was a one-night stand, screaming at your kids, an overreaction in a meeting, succumbing to that addiction for the thousandth time (or fill in the blank)—the accusing thoughts flood our minds: You did it again. God is done with you. People don’t like people who __.
What do we do? How do we find a path to healing, real change, and closeness with God? The good news is that no matter how you feel right now or what you’ve done, that journey can start with a prayer.
Repentance Prayer - What Is It?
A repentance prayer can be as straightforward as telling God, “I messed up. Please forgive me. I don’t want to live like that anymore. Help me turn to You.”
No magic formula or specific words are needed (and definitely no need to lay in a pile of ashes or force oneself to ugly cry). It’s simply handing God a humble confession with the hope that he can do something with it and us, even when we’re at our worst or worry we might fail again.
And though this prayer can be powerful, it is merely the first step in a path to living differently. While a prayer of repentance may sound like a get-out-of-jail-free card, the intention is that it carries a powerful weight and compels us to make a change:
What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? … Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. (Romans 6:1-2,12).
The repentance prayer (calling out to God) is the words, and repentance (turning from our mistake) is the practical movement that follows. It leads us into closer relationship with God (James 4:8), where we gain the tools to combat our brokenness (Ephesians 6:10-20) and find freedom from shame (1 John 1:8-9).
Repentance Prayer in Action
Despite what people with cardboard signs in front of sports stadiums may have yelled at you, ‘repent’ just means “to turn” or “to change the mind.” The longer I have followed God, the more I repent. For things big and small, a prayer of repentance might happen several times a day for me. (Well, it should, anyway. I mess up enough that I definitely have enough material if I’m paying attention.)
The biggest one that hit me recently was when I took my daughter to the doctor for a strange symptom. Long story short, the doctor gently implied that her affliction probably came from stress. It quickly felt clear to me that it was likely my stress spilling onto my daughter—caused by an overbusy life and moving too quickly too often. It had been the most chaotic month of the most chaotic year of our life, but still.
Seeing my daughter physically react to a problem in me made my heart sink. The shame waves started, but I quickly felt God remind me of this exact topic. We all constantly fail. And while I hope to grow more and fail less, I’ll never be perfect. All I can do when I notice an area I’m failing is to turn back to Him and trust he will do good, healing work in my life.
So, that night after the appointment, I went into my daughter’s room and prayed over her while she peacefully slept. I spoke a repentance prayer for my stress and how it was impacting her. I told God I was finished taking on more than I could and letting it create stress in our home. I repented for being short with her and moving at a pace that isn’t healthy for kids.
I was reminded of the Scripture that says repentance prayer leads to change, so I immediately started reworking areas of our lives. I pushed back a few work deadlines, dropped some projects, and started responding to my daughter differently. I’d been tough on her when she was stressed, so the following few times, I just sat and listened to her. I let her get it all out, and her demeanor completely changed. She was soft again.
I could feel the anxiety leave her, and I could feel the shame leave me. Real repentance leads to freedom—clear change in us (and the people around us get the benefit, too).
The Practicals of Repentance
In that instance with my daughter, I literally, out loud, said “no” to fear in our lives and asked God to fill us with his peace instead. Whatever the issue we’re repenting of, it helps to tell that specific thing (fear, lust, pride, shame, greed, etc.) to leave in Jesus’ name (because it’s his power that makes it possible.) Then, ask God to fill us with the opposite instead (peace, purity, humility, grace, generosity, etc.).
Usually, what led us to make a mistake was agreeing with something that wasn’t true in the first place. So we have to intentionally break the agreement (or simply disagree) with the negative belief (“I have to do everything myself, I have to work harder, this is just who I am.” etc.) and turn back to the truth instead (“God will provide, I can rest, God makes all things new.”).
What we believe deeply matters, and it starts with what we focus on. So, we start to choose to focus on the truth. Jesus is the same loving God daily (Hebrews 13:8). His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23), and the power on the other side of repentance is available every day (Philippians 1:6).
To be clear, God doesn’t always remove the consequences in our lifetime. Usually, what we do still has earthly ramifications—sometimes massive ones. I’ve always liked philosopher Elbert Hubbard’s saying, “We aren’t punished for our sin; we’re punished by it.” God doesn’t want us to live outside of his design because he knows anything outside of it inherently brings pain and death and aftermath that may linger in this life. He tells us not to do it, not because he will condemn us, but because he knows we’ll experience pain from it.
But the shame? The feeling of separation from God’s love because of our mistakes? That’s from hell, and God can get rid of that. Theologian Lewis B. Schmedes says: “Guilt is feeling bad about what we did. Shame is feeling bad about who we are.” That’s why shame is so poisonous. It attacks our identity. It lies about who we are. But God’s truth remains:
For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)
If you’ve never chosen to follow Jesus, that’s the first turn we make towards the full life God has for us. It’s as simple as telling Him, “Jesus, I can’t do this without you. I need Your forgiveness. I need you to save me from my sin. I don’t know how it all works, but I want to follow you instead of doing this alone. Fill me with Your life and teach me to live a new way.” (Romans 10:13) (Note: You don’t have to use these exact words! Those are just an example. Remember, there is no magic formula here. It’s way more about authentic motivations than saying something “right.”)
If you have chosen to follow Jesus previously, or you just did it for the first time, he HAS forgiven you. Truly. Already. He sees you as a new person. Not labeled by your past. Not scarred by your mistakes. Not less than in any way. New, forgiven, and free. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
True repentance prayer leads to ongoing change, and that first step can happen in a moment. Real freedom can start right now.
To learn more about repentance and how to practice it, check out this article we wrote here.
If you want to talk to someone or have someone walk you through a prayer of repentance, our team would love to do that. Crossroads is a church that you can fully belong to, no matter where you live. Just hit the “Chat” button on the screen at Crossroads.net.
Whether you just accepted Jesus or want help with a prayer of repentance, we would love to be there for you, and we have plenty of resources designed to help you forge a relationship with God. The Crossroads Anywhere Mobile App is one of them; It’s a blend of challenge and support, connection and contentment. Click the link to download.
Disclaimer: This article is 100% human-generated.
At Crossroads, we major on the majors and minor on the minors. We welcome a diverse community of people who all agree that Jesus is Lord and Savior, even if they view minor theological and faith topics in different ways based on their unique experiences. Our various authors embody that principle, and we approach you, our reader, in the same fashion. You don’t have to agree with every detail of any article you see here to be part of this community or pursue faith. Chances are even our whole staff doesn’t even agree with every detail of what you just read. We are okay with that tension. And we think God is okay with that, too. The foundation of everything we do is a conviction that the Bible is true and that accepting Jesus is who he said he is leads to a healthy life of purpose and adventure—and eternal life with God.
