How to Tell Kids About Santa

And, I’m pleased to say, none of my kids have fallen into a crisis of faith; none of them cried when they learned the truth; and none of them felt Santa was a reason to mistrust their parents. I don’t often feel like a success story when it comes to parenting, but I think we can put this one in the win column.

How to tell kids about Santa is a conundrum nearly every parent has to face. Below is the solution my wife and I stumbled onto, walking kids through three phases that built something into them, rather than taking something away.

Let me be clear: we’re not experts, far from it. But this process worked for us, and I think there’s likely something in here that can help make the post Santa-transition in your family much easier.

TO CLAUS OR NOT TO CLAUS, THAT IS THE QUESTION…

Parents fall all over the map when it comes to Santa, and every family has good reasons for the choices they make. But since you’re reading this article, it seems safe to assume you’re a pro-Clauser. I wasn’t always that way.

Before we had kids, I felt strongly about not introducing them to Santa. Not out of some religious zeal to protect the integrity of Christmas—I just didn’t like the idea of lying to my kids. I wanted to shield them from the let-down. When they eventually learned there were no flying sleds or magic elves, would they begin to doubt the other (and more important) things I’d taught them about God, faith, and prayer? It felt like a slippery slope, and I wanted them to stay off of it.

Then we actually had kids. I saw how their eyes lit up along with the Christmas tree. I felt their joy as they danced around the room to Christmas music. I experienced their excitement and anticipation for presents, for baking cookies, for reading Christmas bedtime stories. There was magic in the air, and it cracked my sterile anti-Claus exterior. But the question of faith remained—if we’re Clausing now, there will be a day that we don’t. How will we break the news?

In a word, the answer we stumbled upon was intentionality.

In the book of Romans, Paul gives early Christians some advice that might helped frame up our thinking about the ticking Santa time bomb:

“Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

I don’t believe it’s wise to blindly accept anything from culture at face value—Santa included. The key, at least according to Paul, is in the mind. It’s about intentionality. It’s in moving through the holidays proactively, instead of reactively. Transforming this fun holiday tradition is in the way we think about, and practice, it.

That started for us by making sure the majority of talk at our home, during Christmastime, is focused on Jesus. Santa is a fun side character, but he isn’t the star of the show. We had (and still have) daily traditions that help reinforce this. We reminded our kids that the real cause for celebration is the birth of God’s son. We reinforced the fact that we make good choices in our life to please God, not Santa. We found ways to practice generosity because that’s what God calls us to do. And we reminded them the true source of blessings—even presents—isn’t the North Pole, but God’s hands.

HOW TO TELL KIDS ABOUT SANTA

With that foundation set, we intentionally moved our kids through three phases when it came to Santa.

Every kid is different, so I can’t prescribe the age when one phase melts into another—in my house, it was something my wife and I felt out together. Overall, I think these phases are less a schedule and more an order of events, meaning, it’s less about timing, and more about sequence.

I do believe, though, that by making a stop at each phase, we helped build something inside our kids that we would have missed if we’d just pulled the Christmas carpet out from underneath them as I’d originally planned.

Here’s our map—my hope isn’t that you’d blindly follow it, but use it to inspire you to have a destination for your family when it comes to Old Saint Nick. The only mistake in this whole thing is doing nothing. And since you’ve read this far, I don’t think that’s your M.O.

PHASE 1: BUILD MUSCLES

Children believe more readily than adults. That’s part of the magic of childhood, and one of the reasons Jesus Himself set them up as a standard for faith.

From even the first tale of Santa Claus, children are all in. That’s actually a good thing. When you’re building muscle in the gym, you don’t start with the heaviest weights. You begin small and move up from there. If you’re training for a marathon, your first jog isn’t 26 miles—it’s much, much shorter. No one sits down and bangs out a great novel. Instead, it’s an intentional choice, day after day, to get words on the page until the thing is completed. I believe it is the same way with faith. Instead of the opposite, belief in Santa can help grow muscles of faith in my children that will help them more readily believe in God as they age. That’s because the more we practice faith, the stronger it grows.

I’m so glad I didn’t rush my kids to the scientific truth about the jolly old elf, because it gave them time to practice belief, wonder, and imagination—if, for no other reason, than that it becomes more difficult to do so as we grow up.

It’s the same reason I told my kids fairy tales, read them the entire Chronicles of Narnia series, and spent hours playing knights, dragons, wizards, and magic princesses.

G.K. Chesterton, a man writing fairy tales in an age that thought it had advanced beyond them, explains this beautifully in an essay published back in 1909: “Fairy tales do not give the child the idea of evil… that is in the child already, because it is in the world already. What fairy tales give the child is the first clear idea of [its] possible defeat… the idea that limitless terrors have a limit, that these shapeless enemies have enemies in the Knights of God, that there is something in the universe more mystical than darkness and stronger than fear.”

Santa can be a good thing for building belief muscle in our little ones. But it can’t stop there…

PHASE 2: BUILD TRUST

This is where the rubber meets the road. Phase 1 was fun, magical, and easy. Phase 2 was like pulling off a band-aid.

There is a time when kids need to hear that Santa isn’t real—and they need to hear it from their parents first. If they do, it builds trust. If we push this phase off as long as possible, and a movie or TV show breaks the news to our children, it breeds mistrust. If our kids hear the truth on the playground, but we insist Santa is real to hold onto the childhood magic a bit longer, that’s even worse.

A mentor that I completely trust, a man who has raised three amazing children into adulthood, gave me this advice: be the first to market with your kids. In other words, be the first one to tell your kids about the big stuff: sex, money, faith, and even Santa Claus. When you’re first, you control the conversation to their benefit. When you’re second, you’re playing catch-up.

An honest conversation with kids about Santa builds their trust in you—which translates to further trust in their heavenly Father as they grow. Whether you want it or not, parents are some of the first pictures of God their kids get. Here’s the good news: how we have this conversation matters much less than that we actually make time to do it.

When our kids asked us if Santa was real, we told them the truth. We handled it with care and grace, and gave space for the kids to have emotions around the news.

Some quick examples include:

• Sitting down with the child, face to face and in private, so they knew we were listening.
• Telling them that Santa was actually Mom and Dad, and explaining how much fun we had picking out presents for them.
• Reinforcing that we weren’t trying to be sneaky or mean, but that our hope was to help make Christmas even more magical.
• Telling them that we trust them with the truth, which is why we aren’t hiding it from them.
• Reinforcing that God is real, even though we can’t see him.
• Asking if they had any other questions about it.
• Making space for feelings if they needed to cry or be sad.

That’s a lot of bullet points, but the funny thing is, it all happened rather quickly—without any tears or tantrums. Because we were honest when their suspicions started to build (you’ll know it when they start asking questions like “How does Santa get around the whole world in one night?” or “I thought it was too cold for humans at the North Pole?”), they really weren’t let down. (If you’re keeping score at home, we answered those questions with a “You’re right, the world is huge.” and “Yes, it’s far too cold for humans at the North Pole.” Then we left the ball in their court. Sometimes they asked more probing questions, sometimes they just let it drop.)

The key isn’t a perfect answer, but in not extending the charade longer than the child is comfortable with. For all of our kids, who put the pieces together on their own, that meant being honest the first time they asked if we were Santa. Sharing the truth (when they are ready) builds trust in us (their parents), and creates an opportunity for increasing responsibility.

Older siblings knew the truth first, so we made them co-caretakers of the Christmas magic for their younger siblings. You could see it building their confidence even as the words left our mouths. The kids-in-the-know helped with eating Santa’s cookies on Christmas Eve, laying presents out under the tree, and creating magic “snow prints” on the floor. Giving them some ownership in the Christmas magic made knowing the truth of Santa feel less like a loss, and more like a gain. It was super fun to have some co-conspirators in the mix.

Finally, I believe our transition away from Santa was helped by a historical figure I made sure our kids knew about…one whose story is more inspiring than a red-nose reindeer.

PHASE 3: BUILD GENEROSITY

Generosity is something you build into your kids from early on. But it reaches new levels, especially at Christmas time, when the focus of the season comes off the magic presents that Santa leaves and is shifted onto becoming a blessing to others.

Thankfully, when it’s time to cycle your kids off Santa, you’ve got a Saint to point them toward. I’m a bit of a history nerd, but I find the story of (the true) Saint Nicholas enthralling. (Read it for yourself here.)

Saint Nicholas was known for his generosity, and it’s a trait that has always marked the people of Christ, from the earliest days of the church. When it comes down to it, a man spending his life in care for others, rescuing children from enslavement, and giving away his fortune is more inspiring than a brood of toy-building elves anyway.

So as your children phase out of Santa, phase them into generosity using the story of Saint Nick. Need help? These books (the first two for kids, the last for teens/adults - here, here, and here) are great places to start. And since your kids are likely familiar with that St. Nick moniker for The Claus, the transition will be beautiful.

THE END GOAL IS…

Whatever you decide to do about Santa with your kids, do it thoughtfully and prayerfully; not blindly conforming to the pattern of the world, but giving space for God to break into your family and traditions. Remember, the end goal is creating trust between yourself and your kid(s), as a way of making trust between them and their heavenly Father all the more natural.

How to tell kids about Santa? I found, it’s less about the words, and more about the goal you’re leading them to. As you pass through the Christmas season, be intentional about encouraging faith, building trust, and practicing generosity—and when the time comes, I believe you just might find the post-Santa days are even more magical than the ones that came before.

Disclaimer: This article is 100% human-generated.

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