My Prayers Sucked—Until an Elephant Taught Me How to Fix Them

That, friends, is how I spent most of my life praying. As long as my prayers were laced with caveats and fail-safes, you better believe I was ripping them left and right.

What if He doesn’t show up that way? What if it’s not in His will? What if He has something else in mind? These thoughts flooded my mind whenever I’d go to pray a big, bold, honest request. To avoid these worst-case scenarios, I would always give God an ‘out,’ or to be extra safe—I would pray simple, seemingly accomplishable prayers.

Not that I think praying for God’s will is wrong, but I realized these watered-down prayers were doing something detrimental to my faith in God. I wasn’t being honest with Him. I wasn’t letting Him into the real desires of my heart. I wasn’t trusting Him.

Over time, this surface-level trust in God led to a surface-level relationship with him.

Turning the Tide Towards Depth

I didn’t even notice I was missing half of the equation until I went on a church trip to South Africa last year and wrestled with a bout of prayer. I had followed what I thought was God’s prompting months before signing up and even volunteered for a small group leadership position.

I spent the first few days of that trip feeling inadequate and unworthy of being there. Maybe God had made a mistake in calling me there; maybe I heard him wrong when I signed up for the trip. Maybe God had chosen the wrong “leader.” All these thoughts danced about in my head but were never aimed toward prayer.

I grew increasingly frustrated and finally took this feeling to God on night three of the trip. I cried honestly out to the dark, starry night sky in angst, “God, why am I here?”. Instead of the clear answer I desperately wanted to hear, I heard God ask me, “Do you trust me?”

I immediately scoffed at that question. “Of course, I trust you. You’re God, duh. That’s not even an answer to my question”. I then felt Him challenge me and reply, “Do you actually trust me, or do you just want to trust me?”

That word convicted me like nothing else had. And unfortunately for myself, I knew right away that my honest answer was the latter.

Don’t get me wrong— I think wanting to trust God is honorable and great, and I’ve prayed that prayer countless times. But that’s a heck of a lot different than actually trusting God. I believed God was only good if he didn’t ‘let me down.’ In turn, I rarely gave him that opportunity to ‘let me down.’

I knew if I did open up my heart in prayer to expect Him to move in a certain way, and he didn’t, I might become resentful or walk away from it all. But I also knew I didn’t like where I was at. I didn’t like sitting on the surface, only wishing I’d someday be given the supernatural ability to trust God.

I knew I had to make a move.

Facing My Fear Head-On (Literally)

God wasn’t going to let me keep settling, either. So came day eight of the trip—the last full day before returning home. We were visiting Thula Thula Private Game Reserve (a fancy title for, basically, a safari) in Empangeni, South Africa. Many people had read a book about this reserve before the trip and hoped to see some real elephants from the story. Not having read the book, I simply hoped not to get eaten by a lion.

As we boarded the cart for the safari, the first thing our tour guide told us was that the elephants were very rarely seen, and on this day in particular, it was especially unlikely. I began to pray for the other’s sake that we would see them, not even thinking of my own desire to see something amazing (perhaps another strategy for me not to feel personally disappointed if the elephants didn’t show up—yikes).

At that moment, I felt prompted to take the trip leader up on a challenge she had described a few days prior: to pray and then expect. So, after I prayed to see the elephants, I sat back and gave God my honest, expectant thoughts:

“God, I know you’ll reveal them. Now, let’s just wait for them to appear”.

We were nearing the end of our 90-minute trek, and I felt doubt start to creep up. What was I doing? I was giving God the green light to slam the door right in my face. Surely, no elephants would show up, my faith would spiral and collapse, and I would be left alone and bitter with no direction (or elephants). Fear began to surround me. I was in way over my head.

Just before I could throw a “but it’s okay if not, God” caveat in there, I was reminded of the change I wanted to see in my life. This was not really about seeing an elephant. This was about choosing to be someone who would be real with God and trust He is good no matter what. I did my best to promptly shoot those anxious thoughts down and focus my mind on expectancy.

When we were about to drive away and give up on our search, we heard a rustle. We all looked to our left, and there we saw it: a gray giant towering above the green bushes. We then saw another gray, smaller giant appear next to the other. About 15 seconds later, the bigger one emerged from the bushes, and she was angry.

This is it; this is how I die—death by trampling. That’s gotta be a painful way to go.

As we began to pull away, the angry momma elephant charged at us. This incited a full-on race backward through the mud—the group a mixture of laughter and screams. Some people pulled their cameras out to record the phenomenon, while others could only stare in awe. I was clenched in shock that this was happening. This was certainly NOT the encounter with elephants I had ‘expected.’

Eventually, satisfied with how far away we’d driven from the bushes and her calf, the matriarch elephant turned the other way and triumphantly headed back toward her camp. I couldn’t help the laughter that escaped my lips and the wonder that followed: not only had I just witnessed God’s sense of humor with what could’ve been a completely normal interaction with an elephant, but I also got to experience what I felt God was saying in, “See? Let me show you the giants I can move with just a little bit of faith.”

The Fruit of Honest, Expectant Prayers

Now, I can’t promise anyone a face-off with an angry momma elephant (that sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen). I can’t even promise that expectations will be met how we want them to be—I certainly didn’t want to barely escape getting trampled to death when I prayed to see elephants.

I’ve learned, however, that when I ask God for something and show him my whole heart, I should have faith that he will show up and honor my vulnerability and boldness. And, if he says no to my request, I can and will still pursue a trust in Him (Daniel 3:17-18 shows me how).

And if it’s not a direct ‘yes’ or ‘no’ from God, maybe He shows up through encouragement from a friend, a whisper of truth from Him, or just a quiet reminder that He is in control. Nevertheless, I’ve seen that being honest and courageous with God brings me closer to His good and perfect will for me. (Often, too, it helps me realize what I ask for in prayer isn’t what I actually want or need).

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. (1 John 5:14).

“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” (Psalm 51:17)

After the elephant experience, I realized I could either move in this new direction or continue to spew out small prayers, and thus see only small parts of God. Moving forward, I’m committing to prayers of boldness, honesty, and expectance. And when He moves (either in the way I want or whatever way he thinks is best), I expect my trust in God to grow.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28).

I’ve seen prayer bring me closer to God—and more often than not, I end up not caring too much about my requests being fulfilled. I have grown a love for being in a real, deep relationship with Him. If God wants to hear my prayers about a prehistoric mammal, what else could I talk to him about?

Disclaimer: This article is 100% human-generated.